I stare down at my coffee, heavenly vanilla wafting up my nose.
揑 just don抰 get it. Why couldn抰 he have texted before now? Why come crawling back after he swore we were done??Tears brim my eyes and I swipe them away, pretending to scratch my nose. 揌ell, I don抰 even care. We knew the whole thing was a sham, but the sex was ludicrous and he started talking like it meant more. Maybe I set the bar too high. I hoped for too much when I should抳e just enjoyed the moment.?
Eliza nods slowly, my diligent therapist.
Technically, I suppose she is when food therapy works wonders.
揑f he didn抰 care, he wouldn抰 have gotten in your ex抯 face before the little creep even pulled a knife. And as for playing it down…well, we know guys are dumb. He probably didn抰 want his coworkers to know he抯 whipped.?
揟hat would make sense if we were stuck in eighth grade,?I say sharply.
She purses her lips. 揇akota, I think he抯 blowing up your phone because he doesn抰 want you feeling cornered at your job. It抯 kinda sweet if you think about it.?
揌ow can I be cornered if he doesn抰 even work there anymore??
揇id he actually resign? Or did he just take a leave of absence? Everyone is temporary, so棓
揑 don抰 know,?I admit. 揑t抯 all the same to me. The email was just a goodbye without a lot of specifics.?
揗aybe he just doesn抰 want you feeling trapped. He wants you to choose him,?she says.
揗aybe you抳e seen one too many bad movies. That抯 not how the world works. People aren抰 that pure with their motives.?Yes, I抦 plunging into my natural pessimism right now, but I don抰 care.
揥hat do you have to lose by talking??she asks softly.
揗y pride. What抯 left of it, anyway.?
She holds up a finger. 揂 dark unfathomed tide, of interminable pride棓
揈liza, no. Now you抮e quoting Edgar Allan? I抦 pretty sure my six-times great uncle is about to come back and haunt me for being so dumb.?
揌ey, just trying to help.?She gives me a pained smile.
I turn away. It抯 too hard to say what抯 on the edge of my tongue when she can see my face.
揑抦 worried about my heart. He could trample it again, and I抦 not sure I抎 survive that. Since you抮e so keen on reminding me I抦 a Poe, you know what happened to Edgar Allan after his wife died, right??
Eliza winces. 揧eah. Bad end.?
揈xactly. Love doesn抰 treat us kindly. With Lincoln, it抯 not even more rejection that would kill me. It抯 having hope again, a future I buried years ago resurrected梠nly to be snatched away.?I sigh.
She stares into her steaming mug.
揑f you抮e a hundred percent certain he抣l break your heart again, you抮e right. You can抰 talk to him. I didn抰 think we were ever going to get past the crying.?
I nod. 揧eah, I抦 better now. No good reason to relapse.?
揃lock his number. But only if you抮e sure.?
Ouch. Why haven抰 I already done that?
I blocked Jay抯 first number fast. Why can抰 I bring myself to block Lincoln?
揑 can抰，？I whisper.
揥hy??
I go quiet, taking a long pull from my coffee. Even vanilla sweetness won抰 bring easy answers.
揧ou抮e not ready for it to be over, but you won抰 listen to him either,?she says. 揧ou抮e living in this weird grey zone of maybes. You can block him and be done with it, or you can let him run his mouth for a whole year of Regis rolls. That抯 not a bad payoff.?
揝ays you,?I throw back, side-eyeing her.
揑抣l say this梚f you keep holding your breath for every text, you抣l keep being miserable. You抮e not giving yourself the chance to move on, but you抮e also not ready for the final word.?
Damn her logic.
I slurp my coffee, pondering her words.
揥hat would you do??I ask when I set down my cup.
揌mm, well…I抦 not sure. But I抎 probably give the dude a chance to explain, if only for those rolls. Dead serious.?She grins again. 揑抦 too emotional to stay firm like you, and I don抰 like being miserable when there抯 a glimmer of hope.?
揃ut what if it抯 false hope? What if it抯 just another chance for him to break my heart again??
揑 can抰 say because I抳e never met the guy. It抯 hard to give you advice, but I抎 probably take a crack at heartbreak to help ease the pain.?
揧ou know how you said you抮e not sure you抮e strong enough to ignore the texts??I ask.
She nods.
揑抦 not sure I抦 strong enough to give him a second chance to burn me.?
揙nly you can decide,?she says with an empathetic look.
揋od, you抮e right. This is bad, Eliza. You抎 think I抎 have learned not to trust men after being stood up in a wedding dress. Maybe I抦 just not as smart as I like to think I am.?
揇on抰 let Jay make you distrust all men. You had no clue Lincoln would hulk out after acting like he cared. You can抰 blame yourself.?
揌e got emotional over cinnamon rolls. Big red flag,?I remind her.
揧ou know now why he needed them, though. For his friend, right? That makes it slightly less crazy…？
揧ou抮e not helping. I need reasons to hate this man.?Yes, I抦 whining, and I don抰 care.
Eliza laughs. 揥hy??
揈very time he texts me, I try to remember why I hate him. It抯 how I keep myself from responding.?
揑f you have to convince yourself not to respond…I think you know what that means,?she says firmly.
揝ure. I抦 playing with fire and we know how that ends, too. One day, I just hope I can despise Lincoln Burns enough so it doesn抰 even matter.?
I go into my梬ell, Anna抯 office梕arly the next morning.
I have to run numbers for another meeting guaranteed to put me to sleep.
I抦 not expecting a flash of excitement when I see the cup of coffee and a Regis roll on my desk.
What the what?
Whose sick joke is this? I抳e made it pretty clear I抦 done with anything that involves masses of cinnamon, sugar, and heartbreaking beast-men.
But the dark roast with a big dab of caramel makes my stomach growl like a cougar. I didn抰 have time for breakfast this morning, so what抯 the harm?
Then again…I stare down into the cup and notice something off.
Do we have a new intern? Who leaves coffee with no lid next to a computer?
I answer that question before I take a single sip.
The words Sorry, Nevermore swirl around a heart in white foam.
Jesus. I don抰 even know how he got the cream to stay like that long enough to be readable unless they made the drink right here in the building?
And now he抯 taken to dicking with my coffee? Really?
My stomach gurgles again impatiently.
Whatever. It抯 caffeine and sugar and I gulp down a mouthful.
It抯 warm, sweet, and delicious, never mind who it抯 from.
I sit down and start peeling back the first layer of the Regis roll with the fork next to it. But apparently, breakfast is full of surprises.
Lincoln抯 office is edged in the dough.
Dear God. He抯 here?
And Lincoln抯 office is technically Jane抯 now. So much for Eliza抯 theory about being cornered at work.
I won抰 go. He can抰 make me.
If he wanted to talk to me this badly, he抎 come here and face me. He knows where to find me.
I get through all of ten minutes working, reviewing slides for that presentation, when I get a call from the COO抯 office. I pick up my desk phone, expecting Anna.
揌ello??
揇akota, can you come down to Lincoln抯 office??a smooth voice asks.
揓ane? Where are you??
My heart skips a beat at the phrase Lincoln抯 office.
She sighs. 揃ack in my old office today. It抯…well, you抣l see.?