Olivia reaches for my hand, and I scoot closer, snuggling into her.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur into her hair before I pull away.
“Sorry? What are you sorry for?”
“You were scared and sick and you needed me and I—”
“Absolutely not. None of this is your fault.” She whips around, pointing a finger at Carter. “And it’s not yours, either, so don’t even think about going down that road again.”
Carter’s chin hits his fist as he frowns and mouths, Meow.
“So what’s going on?” I lay my hand on her belly, giving it a little rub.
“The baby’s fine. We saw him or her wiggling around on the ultrasound machine, and—” She holds up a hand, silencing Carter when he opens his mouth. “That was a goddamn arm, Carter, don’t make me tell you again.” His face falls, and I swallow my snicker. “Heart rate was good. Everything looks good.”
“And what about you? How’s Mama feeling?”
“I’m good,” she replies, but her words are soft, careful. “The whole thing was just scary.”
“The doctor said she’s under too much stress,” Carter grumbles. “Probably the kids at school, and then this…”
Yes, probably the kids at school…
“I’ve developed gestational hypertension, where your blood pressure is elevated,” Olivia clarifies. “It’s okay, but we’ll need to do some monitoring. It can lead to more serious things, like preeclampsia.”
I’ve never seen Carter look more scared than he does right now as he brings his wife’s hand to his mouth, brushing a kiss across her knuckles, his other hand moving slowly over her belly.
“I’m going to take care of you,” he promises. “Baths and foot rubs and every meal delivered right to you, and I’ll carry you down the stairs and—”
“And I don’t think I’ll be allowed to do anything for myself until this baby decides to exit.”
I laugh quietly. “I’ll help with whatever you need.”
Olivia’s smile is grateful. “Thanks, Jennie.”
“I was trying to figure out if there was a way to keep this from Garrett,” Carter starts, “but I’m pretty sure Cara already opened her big mouth.”
I frown. “Why would you want to keep this from him?”
“Because I know how he is. He won’t say anything, but he’ll get this idea in his head that, once upon a time, it could’ve been his dad’s fuckup. He’ll wonder if it reminds us of Dad, and then he’ll talk himself into believing that he means less to us because he loves someone that took advantage of the same thing that killed our dad, that put us all in danger today.”
“Garrett has a big heart,” Olivia says softly, gaze flitting my way. “I’m not surprised he takes on the guilt of others. But we’ll make sure he knows how important he is to us.”
I don’t want him to second-guess, the way he did when his dad nearly relapsed. I don’t want him to carry around the weight of someone else’s decisions. I want to show him how loved he is, not only by me but by everyone.
“I better get back to my room before Mom returns from finding the vending machine. I’ll check in on you tomorrow.” I stand, and Carter loops his arm through mine, leading me into the hallway.
“How are you? You’re good, right? You’re okay?” His vibrant green eyes bounce between mine, the concern heavy and dark, like it’s the only thing he’s capable of feeling right now.
So how do I tell him the answer is no? That even though I’m physically fine, I feel like I’m walking on a tightrope, ready to plummet? That in the moment when he collided with those three drunk men, when they fell to the ground together, when Olivia screamed and it felt like my lungs were being crushed, I genuinely thought he was going to die?
I get it; it’s extreme. But that’s the way life works after you’ve lost someone to a tragedy. No matter how good things are going, you’re constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something horrific and life altering to happen, to have your happiness snatched from your hands no matter how tightly you cling to it.
But Carter doesn’t have time to worry about me. I can’t put this on him.
So I plaster on a smile and promise, “I feel fine, Carter.”
He visibly deflates before pulling me into one of his suffocating holds.
We both tense when we hear Olivia’s weak voice call his name, followed by the sound of retching. He kisses my temple and disappears, and I tuck myself back into my room.
“Where were you? I was worried sick.”
With a pointed look at my mom, I take a seat on the edge of the bed. She’s chowing down on a Snickers. “You really look it.” Sighing, I start picking at the medical tape on my hand. I want to get the hell out of here. I’m growing antsier by the minute.
It’s another half hour before Nurse Matt walks in, all smiles. “All right, Miss Jennie. You’re good to go. Stay hydrated and get a good meal in you. Maybe relax with a movie tonight.” He takes my hand in his, disconnecting the IV and removing the needle. He covers the small pinprick with a Wonder Woman bandage and winks. “Got you the special ones.”
I giggle, reaching for my coat. “Thanks, Matt.”
Matt glances away, then back. “So, there’s not a great time to ask you this, and I know your mom is here, but I, uh…well, I think you’re really funny and I was wondering if you might like to maybe…” He clears his throat into his fist. “Give me your number.”
I wish it were my imagination, but my mom absolutely squeals, hitting me with two thumbs up.
“Thank you for asking, Matt, and I think you’re funny too. But I’m not available.”
“What?” Mom’s wide eyes meet mine. “Wait. Really?”
“It’s new, but I am confident about where it’s going.” I smile at Matt. “Thank you so much for your help tonight.”
Mom pounces as soon as we step out, heading for the waiting room where our family waits. “You’re seeing someone? Since when? Who is he? Why haven’t I met him? Will you bring him for dinner?”
I rub my temple as if I can scrub away the pain. Everything is achy, and my brain feels so muddled. I want to crawl into bed and forget any of this happened. “Can we talk about this later?” I ask as the room comes into sight, Cara jumping to her feet. “I’m tired and I want—Garrett.”
The doors to the waiting room burst open, revealing the only man I want to see right now, his desperate gaze sweeping the space. His wild eyes land on me, and I don’t know why my knees start quivering, why all the weight on my shoulders suddenly melts and my eyes well with tears, but the second he murmurs my name and starts moving across the room, I move too.
I throw my arms around his neck, and my legs circle his waist the moment he hoists me up. When his lips meet mine, a collective gasp moves through the room.
My mom is squealing again.
Garrett rests his forehead on mine. “Are you okay?”
With my hand on his cheek, I nod, and those fucking tears work their way out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I bury my face in his neck as he holds me tight.