“I don’t know. I loved ballet, and it served its purpose in my life. It fueled my love of dance. But it’s not me. How do I teach something I’m not passionate about anymore? My passion lies elsewhere.”
“Contemporary?” Garrett asks, draining the milk from my bowl once I scoop out the last of my cereal.
I lean my elbows on the counter, drop my chin to one hand and twirl my hair with the other. “Can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone before?”
“’Course.”
“I…I want to open my own studio. For kids. I want to teach kids to express themselves, to have fun. I want them to love dance as much as I did, as I still do. I don’t want to be that strict dance teacher, the one that makes you second-guess every piece of food you put in your mouth, that tells you your life doesn’t exist outside of dance. There has to be a healthy balance between loving something passionately and letting it be a part of your life, but not the whole thing. And honestly? I already miss my dad; I don’t want to put myself in a position where I’m forced to miss the rest of my family.”
Garrett stares at me for a long moment that makes my skin crawl with apprehension, luring me back into that cave I should’ve never crept out of. It’s when he grins, taking my face in his hands and pressing a loud, sloppy kiss to my mouth, that my shoulders sag.
And I creep a little further from the shadows I’ve been so content to hide in.
“I think it’s great you’re able to be honest with yourself. That you acknowledge what you want and what no longer serves you, or when you aren’t exactly sure what your next step is. I also think it’s awesome you can look back on your dance career and recognize what didn’t work and what you don’t want to repeat one day when you’re the teacher. I’m really proud to be your friend, Jennie.”
My nose wrinkles as I drop my gaze to my feet, swinging from my stool. “Thanks, Garrett.”
He takes my hand, pulling me down. “Let’s go watch TV in bed. I’ll tickle your back.”
“Are you sure? You’ve got morning skate in seven hours.”
He twirls me into him, his mouth drowning my words. “Don’t care.” He smacks my ass. “Get in there.”
Tonight has been exactly what I needed to forget about my shit day. I have Garrett, and he makes me smile. I feel light again, and the disastrous bed makes me happy. One of us—Garrett says it was me—tore the sheet off the bed during orgasm number…four? Five? Five.
Okay, it was me. Sue me.
I find my dildo in the rumpled blankets and tote it to the bathroom for a good cleaning. She kicked ass tonight.
“Thanks for tonight, girl. You felt amazing.” I hug her to my chest and tuck her away. I turn to the now-made bed where Garrett’s lying, hands behind his head, ankles crossed, brow arched high on his forehead. “What?”
“Should I point out the obvious?”
I climb on top of him, straddling his hips. “What’s that?”
Fingers tangling in my hair at the nape of my neck, Garrett brushes a kiss across my lips. “That I would feel even better inside you.”
“Mmm. I think you’re forgetting the obvious.” I rock into him, grinding down. His cock twitches and he moans, and I smile because I know. The only thing that made it back on my body earlier was his T-shirt. I’m soaked, again, and now his boxer briefs are too. “I haven’t had a cock inside me that wasn’t made of rubber for years. It’s like I’m brand-new down there.” My mouth slides along his collarbone, up his neck, hovering at the shell of his ear. “Tight. Warm. You’ve never felt anything like me, and it’s the only place you want to be. I don’t even know what it’s like to be with a real man, and you’re dying to show me.” Reaching down, I collect the moisture between my legs, showing Garrett my glistening fingertips before I slowly suck myself clean. “So if anyone’s thinking about how good it would feel to have you inside me…it’s you, big guy.”
Garrett flips me onto my back, wrists in his tight grasp on either side of my head. “Trust me, sunshine. I haven’t forgotten.” He nips my jaw. “I can’t wait for you to let me in one day.”
“You think I’m just gonna let you into my Disneyland?”
“You’re not just gonna let me in; you’re gonna invite me in.” He drags his thumb along my lower lip. “Might even lock the gate and keep me from leaving.” Bending his neck, he trails the tip of his nose along my jaw. “I’d treat you so much better than your ex did too.”
My blood runs cold at his harmless words, except they aren’t harmless to me. Garrett’s heated gaze turns to one of confusion and then concern as he watches me shut down. He shakes his head, but it’s too late; I’m already shoving him off me.
“Jennie. I didn’t know…I don’t…Fuck, I’m so shit at talking sometimes.” He runs an aggravated hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. Forget I said anything, okay?”
But I don’t know if I can. Today has been one reminder after another that there are people who never wanted to be in my life for the right reasons, and the first person to own one of those special titles was the very ex Garrett is referring to. Kevin greedily took whatever I was willing to give and left me with nothing. Why I prefer being self-sufficient begins with him and continues with people like Krissy and Nate.
And the reminder is suffocating.
But as I scurry into the bathroom, closing myself in, I tell myself Garrett isn’t Kevin. He’s not Krissy, or Nate. He has no reason to want me for anything other than me. Garrett is kind and genuine, and he’s not them.
Leaning against the door, I lay my palm over my pounding heart. As I focus on breathing, it slows to a gentle trot, leaving me with the silence that stretches beyond the door. Have I scared him away? Did he leave before things could get more awkward?
I don’t know why my heart starts galloping again when I find him tucked beneath the blankets, scrolling through Netflix.
He pats the spot beside him. When I slide in, he pulls me into his side, winds an arm around me, and trails his fingertips over my back. It’s when he brushes a kiss to my hair and tells me he likes lying with me that I open my mouth and blurt out the only bad part of my day that I left out earlier.
“Somebody at school asked me out today.”
“Goddammit.” He groans. “I thought I had more time.”
I giggle softly. “I’m not going.”
“What? Why not? Not cute?”
“He was very cute. He just…” I watch my finger trace a random pattern into the bed sheets. “He didn’t want me. He wanted Carter.”
And something else, maybe. My mind flashes back to those words, the ones he spoke after mentioning Carter. My friends are big fans of your work. I close my eyes to the feeling, swallow down the fear, and tell myself the parts I want to keep safe are safe. I just hope it’s not a lie.
“His mistake. He’s missing out on the chance to know an incredible woman.” Garrett forces my gaze to his. “Don’t make this your problem, Jennie. It’s a reflection of him, not you.”