I’m tired of not knowing what it’s like. I don’t want to dream about it anymore; I want to live it.
I turn the TV off and tuck the remote away. Jennie stirs, lashes fluttering, blue eyes peering up at me. Heat rushes to her cheeks when she finds me watching her.
“What are you looking at?”
I brush her hair off her forehead, tucking it behind her ear. “You.”
“Why?”
Why? Why the fuck not? She’s beautiful, my best friend. She makes me smile when she’s not even doing a damn thing, and she lives rent-free in my head twenty-four seven. Who had any right making her this magnificent?
When I look at her, a thousand emotions swirl inside me, and it’s hard to choose just one to focus on. I wish I could put it into words, but I don’t know how.
But there’s one thing I can do.
I cup her face, coaxing her gaze back to mine. She’s nervous, more nervous than me. But I don’t want her to be nervous; I want her to be sure.
“Stay,” I whisper. “Right here, with me. Please, Jennie. Stay with me.”
Her wide eyes move cautiously between mine. That fear begins to dissipate, leaving me with a devastating smile that shatters her face, ignites a fire inside my chest, and warms me from the inside out.
“Okay,” Jennie says. “I’ll stay.”
CHAPTER 29
DID I JUST MAKE A FRIEND?
JENNIE
“No hair gel,” I murmur, rifling through the drawer. “Seriously? It looks that good all on its own? Un-fucking-believable.”
It’s surprisingly tidy in here for a bachelor’s bathroom. I’d be impressed, except I can’t find what I’m looking for, so annoyance is winning by a landslide.
So far, his vanity has yielded an unholy amount of Q-tips, those flossing sticks instead of the thread, which immediately ups Garrett a few notches, and an array of hair trimmers. They’re all different, but I can’t fathom why he needs so many. I shouldn’t complain; whatever he’s doing with his facial hair is working for me. I quite enjoy the way it tickles between my thighs.
I examine a bottle of cologne before spritzing it on my T-shirt. It’s technically Garrett’s, so it already smells like him, but a little more won’t hurt.
“Oooh.” I pull the cotton to my nose, inhaling. He smells like heaven always, fresh like citrus from his shower, but the cologne adds an earthy smell, the kind that has me picturing him out in the woods in a plaid flannel, wielding an axe. “So good.”
“Snooping?”
Yelping, I slam the drawer shut, turning to find Garrett in the doorway. He’s naked, which is distracting. Lieutenant Johnson is super rock hard and massive, waving hello, which is extremely fucking distracting.
“Snooping? No. Me? No.” My arm flails in the direction of the countertop, where his things are spread, and I accidentally swipe his cologne clear off it. It’s in a pretty glass bottle, and I can’t pronounce the name, so I likely can’t afford to replace it if it smashes at our feet.
Probably why I fling myself forward, arms outstretched.
Garrett simply holds out his hand and catches the bottle, cradling it into his chest, and I go crashing into him.
“Are you all right?” He’s not asking if I’m physically intact and pain-free. He’s questioning my sanity, and his tone indicates he finds it humorous.
“I was looking for a toothbrush.” I bury the words against his collarbone. “I can’t kiss you with morning breath. That’s disgusting.”
His blue-green eyes are hazy, heavy with sleep as he stares down at me. If his sleep was anything like mine, it was glorious. I haven’t slept so deep in ages as I did with Garrett’s warm body locked around mine all night, his hand splayed over my stomach, face buried in my neck. He’s really the biggest snuggle bear ever, and I think I might be too.
He releases me and moves to the counter, tucking his cologne away and producing a small woven basket. Inside is a packaged pink toothbrush, hair ties, deodorant, lip balm, makeup remover wipes, and a small box of tampons.
A knot clenches in my stomach like an angry fist. My attempt to tamp down the surge of jealousy moving through me is unsuccessful. I swallow and plant a forced smile on my lips. “You keep feminine products here for the girls you have over?”
Two lines appear between his eyebrows when they quirk. Garrett leans over me, pulling out his toothpaste and depositing it in my hand.
“No.” He hooks his thumb under my chin and lifts my mouth to his, kissing me deeply. “I keep feminine products here for you.” He claps a hand to my ass before sauntering back into the bedroom, unbelievable hockey butt swinging back and forth as he goes.
“Ugh,” he groans, snagging his sweatpants from the floor. He peeks over his shoulder, teasing smile playing at his lips. “Your morning breath is gross.”
Dancing has been my life for as long as I’ve known, but when I lost my dad, it became my savior. It was the only way I could get lost, step outside of my life, my nightmares, and rise above it, even if only for as long as the song lasts. It doesn’t matter where I am or who I’m with; I close my eyes and the music takes me wherever I want to be.
Two hands wrap around my waist before I’m in the air, wind fluttering at my face as Simon spins the both of us. When my feet touch the ground, I dash across the stage, the lyrics to my favorite song chasing at my heels. My body soars as I leap through the air as James Arthur sings about two people falling in love the way stars fall from the sky, and Garrett’s face floods my mind. I’m caught off guard by the vision, and a shiver of apprehension rockets through me at the meaning behind it.
I’ve never been in love. I thought I was, and when Kevin broke my heart, I thought love was the reason it hurt so much. But over the years, I’ve realized that’s not what it was. I was just a girl, someone who longed for acceptance, intimacy, and I latched onto what he gave me. It wasn’t love; it was a lesson learned.
What I have with Garrett feels…different. Unique and fleeting, something you don’t let go of. But I’m only one-half of a whole; I can’t control when someone else wants to let go. Quite frankly, walking into something with that logic is frightening.
I’m learning to keep my shoulders back, to take the steps even when I’m uncertain.
Thing is, though, as shaky as the steps may be, they don’t feel all that uncertain when that man is the one waiting at the destination.
A hand clasps mine, and Simon smiles at me when my eyes snap open. He spins me into him, pulling me against his chest, and his eyes drop to my lips as his face hovers above mine, inching closer as the song drifts to an end. My pulse thunders as silence encases us, though I know he won’t close the gap. When applause echoes through the auditorium, we break apart, both of us breathless and sweaty.
Mikhail wipes at nonexistent tears. “Beautiful. Absolutely stunning.” He climbs the steps at side stage. “Simon, the emotion is on point. You look absolutely enthralled with Miss Beckett. Jennie, you look a teensy bit scared of Simon, but it works, like your love for each other is daunting.”
“Yeah, daunting.” I swipe my hair off my damp neck. “That’s definitely it.”