The silence stretches out just a little too long. A little too far.
“Am I bugging you? Do you want me to leave?”
My heart slams against the cage I keep it locked in. How could Sloane bug anyone? She has to be the least annoying person in the world.
“No,” I husk as I reach down and wrap my hand around her delicate wrist, as though pulling her back from even thinking about leaving.
“Okay,” she breathes, sounding relieved.
We fall into silence again, and I let my mind wander to how these last few days must feel for her. We’ve been so wrapped up in my life—Beau, hockey, me punching walls like a rage-case teenager—that I’ve failed to give her the comfort she might need.
“Are you sad, Sloane?”
She shifts, head turning to gaze up at the ceiling, giving me a darkened view of her profile. Her hair slips away, and my fingers twitch on her wrist with the instinct to run them through the silky strands, to rub my cheek along it like I do when we hug.
“I mean, of course. I know Beau isn’t my best friend, but he’s my cousin. Some of my best memories are of long, sweltering summer days spent out here with all of you. I’m . . . devastated.” Her voice breaks a little, and I watch her lashes flutter rapidly.
She’s close enough that I could reach out and hold her.
But I don’t.
“I meant about—” I stop suddenly. His name doesn’t belong here in the dark with us. “The wedding.”
She hums thoughtfully as she runs two fingers across her lips before firmly pressing on them. Her cheeks go round, and it’s like she’s trying to push the smile back down. “No.”
“Are you trying not to laugh about your big fancy wedding going to shit?” I chuckle quietly, turning on my side to face her.
A grunt-snort noise escapes her, and she’s now pressing her entire hand over her mouth. “No!”
“You have always had a fucked-up sense of humor.”
Her body shakes with laughter, and she gives me a look of feigned offense. “I have not!”
“You laugh at the most inappropriate times. You know you do.” I point at her playfully. “You laughed that time Rhett fell off the llama and broke his arm as a kid.”
She laughs harder. “He deserved to be laughed at! He had no business riding that llama! And the way he latched onto its long neck made him look a big, dumb koala or something.”
She’s wheezing now, curling in toward me, and I can’t help but laugh with her. He really did look like a big, dumb koala.
“And it wasn’t even an impressive fall! He just plunked down in the most lackluster way. I’ve seen him take worse spills off an angry bull and walk away totally fine.”
The giggles hit us hard on the walk down memory lane, and I wipe happy tears out of my eyes as I gaze up at the stucco ceiling. God, we had fun as kids out here. It feels good to reminisce. Good to laugh.
Good to lie here with someone who knows about some of the happiest days of my life. We’ve been in a rut of games and workouts this week. I think Sloane’s been dancing for fun in a spare room at Summer’s gym and then tending to Harvey. We’re all hiding out. Hunkering down. Trying to keep things normal—but failing.
She sighs deeply and carries on, “Anyway. No. I’m not sad about the wedding. I’m . . . relieved. Isn’t that awful? All I feel is intense relief. Am I going to hell for admitting that?”
My thumb brushes over the bone in her wrist. The way I feel about her wedding crumbling into nothing is intense relief too. “Nah. If you’re going to hell for that, then I’ll definitely be there for all my shit too.”
She yawns, and her body softens beside me; she has to be so tired. “Hell might be alright if you were there with me.” She stiffens. “I didn’t mean—”
Not wanting her to second guess anything she says, I cut her off. “Hell might actually be alright if we’re stuck there together, Sloane.”
The sound of her head rustling against the pillow tells me she’s nodding in agreement. And then I give in to that little voice in my head. The one that tells me I need her.
I draw her body against mine, my arms wrap her up, and our legs tangle together instantly.
“Goodnight, Sunny,” is all I say as I revel in the comforting heat of her.
A beat of silence passes and then she sighs. “Goodnight, Jas.”
10
Jasper
Harvey: How’s the hand?
Jasper: How do you know?
Harvey: I’m old. Not deaf.
Jasper: It’s fine. I’m fine.
Harvey: No, you’re not. None of us are. But you know what will make you feel better?
Jasper: What’s that?
Harvey: Fixing my wall. There’s spackling and a putty knife outside your door.
Jasper: Sorry, Harv. I’ll fix it. Promise.
Harvey: All good, son. Have you seen Sloane? Her door was open, and her room was empty.;）
. . . “I was wondering . . . well, I was thinking . . .” Sloane peeks up at me from under her lashes, hands twisting in front of her. She’s stunning. She’s grown up so much since last summer I almost can’t believe my eyes.
I came out to the ranch for Easter dinner and wasn’t expecting her to be here. We still mostly only see each other in the summer because, living in the city, she’s busy with dance and high school and I’m fully immersed in keeping this spot I have on the main roster with the Grizzlies.
I was about to leave when she ran after me to the door.
I drop my voice, resting my hands on her shoulder to look her in the eye. “Is everything okay, Sloane? You’re making me nervous. Did something happen? You know you can tell me anything.”
“Oh! No!” She laughs shrilly, cheeks turning pink as she pushes her loose blonde hair behind her ears.
A pit of dread grows in my stomach. It’s the eyelashes. The blushing. The nervous way she’s playing with her hair. And the fact that Harvey, Violet, and my brothers are all basically watching from the living room.
I’m not oblivious to the fact Sloane has had a crush on me. But I’ve pretended I am. Because shit is so much less awkward that way.
“Okay.” She smiles up at me nervously, and nerves roil in my stomach. “I’m just going to go ahead and say it.” She takes a deep breath. “Will you go to prom with me?”
Now she isn’t the only one blushing. I feel like my entire face is on fire. “Oh, Sunny.” My fingers pulse on her shoulders, and I get lost in the twinkle of hope in her eyes. Hurting Sloane is enough to make me feel like I might be sick.
I don’t want to disappoint her, but fuck . . . I can’t do this either. “I’m not the guy you want to go with. I’m . . .” I search for a good reason that isn’t just, I don’t want to lead you on. “I’m twenty-four. Really in the media right now. With you being in high school, I’m just not sure it would be a good look, you know?”
I try so hard to ignore that her eyes instantly fill. The too-fast way she nods her head. “Oh. Yeah.” She steps back from me, my hands falling from her shoulders, and she glances over at the living room. “Yeah. Of course. That makes perfect sense.”
“Still friends, right?” I reach forward, trying to give her forearm a reassuring squeeze. She tugs her arm back and forces a bright smile onto her face.