Winter takes a deep swig. “This drink tastes fantastic. I should do this more often.”
Willa’s elbow nudges her side. “Fuck yeah, you should.”
Summer nods before shyly adding, “I like having you out here, Winter.”
I lift my glass across the table. “I’ll cheers to that. I could use a little Winter inspiration. I watched you dress Theo down the other night, and I need to channel that with the men in my life.”
She clinks her glass against mine, but her head tilts. “I’m not sure I’m someone to aspire to in the man department.” I quirk a brow, eyes dropping to the ring on her finger. She notices and just says, “Yeah. That.”
“When is that ending?” Willa asks it so casually, like ending a marriage is cut and dry. I don’t know all the dirty details of Winter’s marriage, but I know it’s complicated as hell. I also know that she and Summer are on fragile footing and spending time together like this is new for them.
They all came out for me, but it’s clear that having Willa and me here gives some extra padding between the sisters.
Winter takes another deep slug, draining the flute. “Who fucking knows? I think dragging it out makes him hard or something.” Summer coughs like her mimosa went down the wrong tube. Winter doesn’t seem to notice though. The alcohol must have her feeling loose already. She tips her head tips in my direction. “Sloane’s idea of hiding out in Chestnut Springs is sounding really, really appealing. Where do I sign up for this?”
I push my spare mimosa across the table to her, and she takes it without saying a single word. The closer I look at Winter, the more I think she might need the drinks more than I do.
I feel wrung out, but she seems profoundly tired, like my one sleepless night is her norm.
“Wanna rent a house here?” I ask. “I’m in the process of updating a few across the road from Summer’s gym.”
That lights Winter’s face up. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I can show you after this boozy brunch.”
“Jasper’s houses, huh?” Summer asks curiously.
“Yeah, why don’t you tell us more about that,” Willa urges.
I tuck a stray piece of hair behind my ear and drop my eyes. “Well, he actually owns the entire block. I’ve been painting and—”
Willa waves a hand. “No, no, no. Tell us about Jasper.”
“Yeah!” Winter holds up her glass. “Tell us why you were lying on the floor for like an hour.”
Summer reaches under the table and gives my knee a squeeze, always so sweet.
“I don’t even know where to start.”
“Can you at least tell us if Jasper has a huge dick?” Willa leans across the table.
I nod.
Winter snorts.
Summer gasps.
“I knew it!”
Summer gives Willa a chiding look, widening her eyes at her best friend. “Why don’t you start at the beginning, Sloane?”
I flop back in my chair and stare at the three women sitting with me. “Well, I’d have to go back to the very first time I laid eyes on him when I was ten years old.”
A communal whoosh of air leaves everyone’s lungs. I lift my glass. “Yeah. Cheers to that, right? A decades long unrequited crush. Except I recently found out it wasn’t so unrequited.”
Willa’s hand rolls in the air. “Hence the whole runaway-bride-shacking-up-with-her-friend thing, yeah?”
My head tips back and forth. “I mean, yeah. It’s a little more complicated than that.”
“What’s the issue?” Willa seems confused.
“Yeah, what’d he do?” Bitterness bleeds into Winter’s voice.
“He didn’t do anything. That’s the problem. He just froze. He had this perfect moment to tell me everything. And he just froze. He’s so broken. Locked up so damn tight. And I know the reasons why. I don’t even really blame him. I just . . . I wanted to be enough for him to push past it.”
I blink rapidly, taking a huge swig. “Everything he does for me says he cares. But I need”—I click my tongue and give my head a sharp bob—“I don’t fucking know. I guess after years of believing he doesn’t want me, I need more than just him falling into a happy, simple little rhythm with me. I want to feel like he can’t live without me. Like he’d do anything to have me. If he can’t find the words to tell me, I want actions. Just . . . something.”
Heads nod, and I feel spurred on by the reassurance, the lack of sleep, and the champagne on an empty stomach.
“At the risk of sounding petty, I want him to be just as lovesick as I am. I’ve wanted him for so damn long. I’m almost angry he never noticed. I want him to prove he notices now.”
“So are you guys . . . broken up?” Summer asks, her voice small and tentative.
“No. I don’t know.” A dark laugh bubbles up in me as I shrug. “I think we’re both just traumatized by our upbringings. Adulting is hard when your parents fuck you up, ya know?”
Summer and Winter give each other a loaded look before Winter says, “Yeah. I think we can relate.”
“Deep down I know Jasper will never leave me. Not even at my worst. That’s the thing about us. We can both be on our shittiest behavior and we’ll never hold it against each other for long.”
“Ugh. I love that.” Willa sniffs.
“I want him to make me feel secure. But I haven’t told him anything to make him feel secure either, and I know he needs that. Basically, I have no plan because . . . I really don’t know what to do with myself.” I sigh, looking up at the lights above me, feeling a little responsible for pushing him away. “I need to face my dad so that I can properly move on. Start fresh. I need to find my own security first. I just hope I’m not too late. But then the thought of him losing hockey? His career? His passion? All for me? I’m worried I can’t stack up against that.”
“Have you not seen the way that man looks at you?” Winter is grinning at me even though it’s an odd time to be grinning.
“I guess not.
“I only just met you two at dinner the other night, but he hangs on every word. Traces every movement. I’m not sure he even knew what else was going on in that room. It made me . . . it made me, well, it made me feel bitter if I’m being honest. It almost hurt to watch. But, ha, that’s a me thing.” She glances out the window. “At any rate, I’m giving him and his big dick my vote of confidence. Trust me. You stack up. I think he’ll come around.”
“But what if he doesn’t?”
Winter shrugs, and the other two continue to stare at me all wide-eyed. I doubt they know what to say. Jasper is a mystery wrapped up in an enigma to most people.
“Then you move on.”
Move on.
I take a deep swallow of my mimosa. It sounds so simple. So easy. So . . . obvious.
And yet, so impossible.
If moving on from Jasper Gervais was an option, I’d have done it by now.
36
Jasper
Willa: Hi. It’s Willa.
Jasper: Hi, Willa. It’s Jasper.
Willa: I was going to message you and ask how big your dick is, but I don’t think Cade would love that.