This time, there’s no finesse. No kinky games. No power dynamics. Just a deep heat that burns away everything but the need to get closer. He starts to push me onto my back and winces. That’s all I need to shift away. “You’re too hurt for this.”
“Cassandra.” He digs a hand into my hair and pulls me in for a searing kiss. “I need you.” When I still hesitate, he curses. “I promise to tell you if anything hurts too badly.”
It’s a bullshit promise and we both know it, but my thoughts aren’t orderly enough to navigate past the desire to reassure myself that we’re both here, both alive, both safe. For the time being. I swallow hard. “Okay.”
He tries to kiss me again, but I’m already moving down his body. He tightens his grip on my hair. “You don’t have to.”
“Apollo.” I hold his gaze. “When have I ever given you any indication that I’m going to do something—sexual or otherwise—that I’m not fully on board with?” I don’t give him a chance to answer, dipping down to kiss his chest. This part of him, at least, is bruise-free.
“Never.” He says it almost hesitantly.
Gods, I love this man. I love him so much, part of me wants to dig that emotion out of my chest and set it on fire. To exorcise it because it’s complicated and messy and the implications are more than I can bear to think about right now. I flick his nipple with my tongue. “I’ve been dying to suck your cock again. Please let me.”
His chuckle is strained and raspy. “By all means, love. Don’t let me hold you back.”
I’m careful to bypass his ribs. In the fading light of the evening, his bruises look even worse than they did earlier in the shower. If he’s able to move at all tomorrow, it will be a small miracle.
He widens his legs so I can kneel between them. I take a moment to memorize every detail of this. This man, who has exasperated me, confused me, and lifted me up for years. One of the very group of people I should hate beyond all others. The kindest person I’ve ever met.
The one who holds my heart in his gentle, battered hands.
“I love you.” I said it earlier, but it feels different this time. It changes nothing. It can’t change anything. But I need him to know it’s true, that this isn’t something as mundane as sex for me. “I think I’ve loved you for a very long time, even if I would have thrown myself from Dodona Tower before admitting it to anyone, let alone myself.”
He gives a bittersweet smile. “I realized I loved you that day with the printer.”
I instantly know exactly what he’s talking about. It wasn’t a good day. It was the anniversary of my parents’ death, and my sister and I had a fight that afternoon when I’d taken her out to lunch. My emotions had been riding too close to the surface, boiling and ugly and awful. When the ancient printer went haywire, I’d lost control completely. But that means… “You’re joking.”
“I’m not.”
“Apollo, that was four years ago.” I stare. “You can’t have loved me that long.”
“You were my employee, and you’d made your thoughts on the Thirteen and Olympus very clear from the start.” He shrugs and winces a little. “I wasn’t going to be just another selfish person in your life putting my needs and desires above yours.”
Against everything, tears prickle at the edges of my eyes. “I took an office chair to the printer that day. Anyone else would have fired me.”
“It was an old printer. I’d been meaning to replace it for a while, and you gave me the excuse to do so.”
“Apollo…”
His smile falls away. “Up until that point, you’d been very careful with me. Walking on eggshells. After that day, you didn’t bother. You gave me the real you.” He trails his fingers down my cheek. “You’re beautiful and complicated and the smartest person I’ve ever met. How could I not love you?”
If we keep talking like this, I’m going to start sobbing, and if I only have a short time left with him, I’m determined to fill it with as many good memories as possible. I turn my face and press a kiss to his palm. “Now lie back and be a good patient.” I give a wobbling, wicked smile. “Nurse Cassandra will make you feel better.”
I wrap my fist around his cock and lean down so I can take him into my mouth. His hissed exhale has me checking his expression, but there’s no pain there. Only pleasure. Good. I give myself over to tasting and teasing him, taking him deeply and then licking my way to flick the crown of his cock with my tongue. Working him up. Making him forget himself.
Giving us both a reprieve from the horrific memories plaguing us. From the inevitable pain of the future.
At some point, he sifts his fingers through my hair, tugging it back from my face but doing nothing to try to guide me. Letting me have my way.
Letting me take care of him.
Every time I glance up, I find him watching me with a fevered, intense look that feels twin to the feelings pushing in my chest. The knowledge that we might love each other but we’re destined to be temporary takes up too much space in the room with us. There’s no escaping it.
“Come here.”
I ease off his cock and give him a long look. “Your ribs.”
“I’ll hold perfectly still.” He gives a surprisingly sweet smile. “I promise.”
I hesitate, but the truth is that I want this, too. I narrow my eyes. “You’ll tell me if it hurts.”
“Yes.” He motions to the nightstand. “Condoms.”
I grab one from the nightstand and take my time ripping it open and rolling it down his length. I give him a slow stroke. “Apollo…”
“Come here,” he repeats.
He’s right. There’s nothing left to say. There’s only this. I carefully straddle his hips and lower myself onto his cock. Even with how turned on I am from sucking his cock, I have to fight to take him fully. I love it. I fucking love it. I take his hands and press them to my hips as I slide down another inch. “I feel so fucking owned by you when we’re like this.” I roll my hips. “Taking what’s yours.”
“No.” He tightens his grip and drags me down to seal us together completely. “You’re taking what’s yours.”
One of his hands drops to my upper thigh, his thumb stroking my clit as I ride him. The only sound in the room is our harsh breathing and the faint shift of our bodies against the sheets. I want this to last forever. For us to remain here for time unknown, to stay safe and isolated and happy.
Nothing lasts forever.
My orgasm takes me by surprise. One moment I’m luxuriating in the steadily building pleasure between us, and the next I’m coming. Apollo keeps me moving on him even as I lose control, crying out his name as I come. I manage not to slump onto his injured torso, but it wouldn’t matter. He bends up and kisses me even as he keeps me moving on his cock. He grinds me down on him, sending another wave of pleasure through me. I cling to him as I come again, as he follows me over the edge with my name on his lips.
Too good. Too perfect.
I ease off him, and he carefully climbs off the bed and walks into the bathroom to dispose of the condom. His phone rings as he’s heading back toward the bed. We exchange a look. Nothing lasts forever, but this was nowhere near long enough. I’m not ready for it to end. I’m not ready to leave him.