“Thanks for the coffee.”
“Any time.”
Three days later, Simon texted me a screenshot of an online purchase: ONE （1）—PAIR LINED GROMMET TOP CURTAINS in DARK GRAY. I spent a few days trying to think of something clever to say back but couldn’t come up with anything, so I left it.
Emails
From: [email protected] To: m——@gmail.com Sent: October 18, 2018, 12:04 pm Re: re: some questions about the invoice?????
Hi Maggie, Thanks for your email, received last Thursday, October 11th. I’m sorry to hear you were surprised by our most recent invoice and thought you might like to see an itemized breakdown of each charge （copied below）。 As a courtesy, you will not be charged for this email, but please note, per the invoice, that emails do come with attendant fees.
On the topic of correspondence, I think we should address the phone calls. I know this is a difficult time, and I appreciate that you, like anyone going through major life upheaval, are under a great deal of pressure. I am happy to answer calls from my clients at any time, to talk them through the separation and divorce process or receive any relevant information pertaining to forthcoming litigation. However, calls made to my office or personal cell phone are billed at my standard rate of $215 per hour, and, as you will see below, the charges can add up over time. If you are looking for ways to curb your legal fees, finding a family member or other confidant with whom to discuss your experiences and feelings might be a wise place to start.
Thanks and all the best, Lori
Disbursements and Time Billed, Aug. 10–Sept. 10, 2018
Photocopies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $50.75
Fax . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $3.50
Call re: spousal support law, explained to client that the marriage had been too short to entitle either party to collect support following
dissolution of the marriage （7 mins） . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $25.06
General Couriers / Messengers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $10.43
Call re: inability to find 2017 tax return; informed client an estimate as to income based on previous years’ returns would suffice;
conversation regarding difficulties filing as freelancer, hassle of keeping receipts; request for couples counselor referral （12 mins） . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $42.96
Call re: having found 2017 tax return （3 mins） . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $10.74
Call re: the 2017 return actually turning out to be missing several pages; inquiries regarding husband’s legal representation and communication
with counsel; request for “worst” stories from counsel’s career; lengthy digression regarding state of app-based dating today （28 mins） . . . . . . . . $100.33
Litigation Support Vendors—Immediate Process Serving . . . . . . . . . $30.00
General Couriers / Messengers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $18.90
Call re: feelings of despair, exhaustion with the legal process, and distraction at work; reminded client divorce is a marathon, not
a sprint, and suggested an increased focus on self-care as petition has not yet been filed and many stages remain; several
minutes of cursing （30 mins） . . . . . . . . . . . . . $107.50
Emails, various. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $48.35
Litigation Support Vendors—Immediate Process Serving . . . . . . . . . $30.00
Call re: apology for previous day’s call （1 min） . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . GRATIS
TOTAL . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $478.52
Chapter 11
Merris, presumably sick of hearing me complain about the vultures of the Toronto rental market, offered me the basement suite in her Golden Girls house, saying I could have the first month free if I agreed to walk her roommate’s Great Dane, Lydia, while the roommate recovered from a foot operation.
It was no beach house or New York loft, and I was not particularly interested in occupying the basement of even a very erudite retirement community. But dating was turning out to be almost as expensive as divorce, and I’d been getting a lot of skincare treatments with Amy, and it struck me that I could go on even more dates and blast my dermis with even more discount lasers if I was living somewhere that wasn’t eating up 80 percent of my income each month. Also, the lawyer calls were adding up. I protested for a few days, then accepted, allowing Jiro to ask me taunting questions about the arrangement and accepting an aspidistra from Olivia that I knew would die instantly.
I asked Merris if she worried that having me as a lodger would affect our professional relationship. She rolled her eyes and told me to email her about a move-in date; there was a broken aquarium she’d need a few days to get rid of before the place was habitable. I gave my landlord notice. She wrote back, Sorry to see you go! then listed the place online for $400 more per month.
I moved on a gray Saturday a few days before Halloween. Both Laurens came to help （Amirah couldn’t find someone to take her shift; Clive had a hangover）。 We had agreed to meet at ten thirty, and they surprised me by showing up almost on the dot. I was not ready. They found me in the middle of the living room, trying to wrestle a pile of hideous vintage coats into a bag.
Still, the apartment was less than half full, and the three of us made fast work of it, taping boxes closed, finding places for a dish rack or oven mitt I had failed to pack in my admittedly poor efforts to prepare for this day. While wrapping bowls in old magazines, I told them about an unpleasant date I’d been on the night before, with an older man who had complimented my breasts, asked my age, then told me they had “probably five or six good years left.”
“Jesus,” said Emotional Lauren. “What an asshole! I’ve seen your boobs and they’ve got a solid eight to ten in them—I mean, as long as you don’t have kids. What happened to Dart Guy? He sounded like . . . not that.”
I told her I wasn’t sure I wanted to see him again. Through dating apps and Instagram and parties and bars, I had access to so many potential romantic or at least sexual partners, it was hard to know if I cared about any of them. Even if it seemed like I had connected with someone, I was not particularly interested in that information. My carousel of weeklong adventures was working fine for now.
“There’s also the option of, you know, being alone,” said Lauren. “Nothing wrong with taking some time to yourself.”
Emotional Lauren nodded, adding that the sex shop near her house was promoting a cool new vibrator that was “essentially a production-grade suction cup.” We agreed that it did sound pretty cool, then got to work disassembling my wretched couch.
Leaving my apartment was less emotionally wrenching than I’d expected. “Continuing to live in the mausoleum of your old relationship was maybe not the healthiest option, all things considered,” Lauren said, lugging a decrepit coffee table to the curb for someone younger and more desperate than us to take.
Stripped to its bones, the place was revealed for the shithole it was, all cheap flooring and badly spackled holes, with a bathroom that was almost certainly an illegally converted screened-in porch—in the winter, the toilet water would freeze.