“Please don’t tell people I’m ‘focusing on myself,’” I said after she slid the door closed behind us. “It’s so embarrassing.”
“That’s literally what you told me you were doing.”
We stood outside, and I wished I’d brought my sweater; the weather was getting warmer, but it was still cold in the shade. Below us in the building’s brick courtyard, a woman was losing an argument with a fragile-seeming dog. Amy looked at me solemnly and brought her face close to mine.
“I saw on Spotify that you’ve been listening to that confidence boosting playlist a lot,” she said. “So, I wanted to remind you . . . it’s okay to not be okay.”
One of Amirah’s handsome cousins came outside to smoke, giving us a friendly nod of acknowledgment. I nodded back, then lowered my voice and moved closer to Amy, unwilling to let another person know about the playlist. I had tried to change my Spotify settings several times and had no idea how to do it.
I whispered, “Let’s talk about this another time?”
“You said you were trying to mean it when you said you enjoyed your own company,” she replied, so loudly, certainly much louder than necessary. “And I love that goal for you. You’ll get there!”
She smacked me, hard, on the arm, and the cousin looked over again. Amy grinned at him.
“My friend is taking a break from dating,” she said. “Bad divorce. I’m divorced too, but I’m not that disciplined!”
The cousin looked thrilled and introduced himself. His name was Sam. He was a hockey fan and sometimes-DJ and, body language–wise, seemed single. He worked in real estate.
“What a coincidence,” said Amy. “I’m looking for somewhere to live.”
“Fantastic,” he said. “I should give you my number.”
Sometimes it really was that easy. I told Amy I didn’t know she was moving. “What about the condo?”
“Greg got it, in the end,” she said. “I got sick of arguing and was like, honestly, take it. He did technically pay for it, so whatever. Plus, now I have a hot little down payment to live somewhere else!”
Amy shot another big smile at the cousin as I searched her face for hidden pain.
“And you’re . . . okay?” I asked.
“Yeah!” said Amy, seeming to mean it. “I feel like, you know, que será.”
“Totally,” said Sam. “That’s my philosophy one hundred percent.”
“Well, are you going to move in with Ryan?”
“Ryan and I broke up,” she said. “A few weeks ago. We were on very different journeys. God, I literally haven’t seen you in forever!”
Sam saw his opening and took it, stepping forward and angling his body in a way that cut me slightly out of the conversation. I left them talking about how the Leafs were doing （Amy had heard this would be their year） and found Amirah and the Laurens in the kitchen.
“Which cousin?” asked Amirah. “If it’s Daniyal . . . he’s a fuckboy.”
She was more approving of a match with Sam, though warned he had already been out with a former housemate’s cousin and a girl Emotional Lauren knew from work. I said I was glad to be taking a break from dating. There seemed to be an endless supply of single women in the city, and I didn’t feel like competing with them.
“Everybody’s so hot,” I said.
Lauren nodded. “They’re probably more mellow than you too.”
Amy joined us, flushed and excited and holding an ornate mocktail. “I’ve been working on a theory,” she said. “I think your thirties are honestly the perfect age. Like in a way being thirty-one is exactly like being twenty-six, except you’re smarter and hotter and you know a bit about tiles.”
I said I would probably enter my thirties on a single bed at my dad’s house.
Amy groaned. “Could you not be a downer for five seconds, please? Sam’s taking me to some viewings tomorrow, and it’s like a date, I think, so you can’t come, but I’ll send you pics.”
“Really?”
Amy looked confused. “What do you mean, ‘really’？ Duh, really! We were gonna look at one-bedrooms, but I’m sure there are tons of twosies.”
“But . . . what?”
“Oh my god, bitch, let me be your roommate,” Amy said. “Or your landlord, I guess, which is a bit rando, but whatever.”
“Very rando,” I said, trying to be sarcastic and somehow sounding very sincere. I could not hide that I was moved; I knew this because Emotional Lauren started rubbing my arms.
“You need to move back to Toronto anyway,” said Amy. “The Kingston thing is such a bummer. The other day a friend of mine asked what had happened to you, and I swear I almost just told her you died. So, perfect, you’ll live with me—okay, he’s looking, he’s looking, oh my god, don’t cry, for god’s sake!”
Birthday Messages I Did Not Particularly Wish to Receive
At & A HARD PLACE Training Center, our climbers are family. Which is why we were so excited to hear you’ve rappelled into another year! Come in any time today and get a Nutrition Ball, Protein Shot, or Grass Powder Top-Up, on us. And don’t forget to keep on . . . Rockin’！！
heyyyy girlie! i know we haven’t kept in touch since high school days, but i wanted to say happy thirtieth, because i know this can be an intense birthday, and it looks from IG like you’ve had a hard year. i hope you have as great a day as possible, and if you want any info about how you can double your income from home next year, let me know! i’m part of a badass community of momtrepreneurs i think you’d totally dig . . . sending love and light ?
● HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MARGARET ● THANK YOU FOR BEING PART OF THE TL BANK FAMILY ● AVAILABLE BALANCE: $135.33 ●
Maggie , NANA here on email!!! - Wishing you a very PLEASANT birthday today , with a reminder to please TRY NOt to get any tattoos.! here is a LInk your mother sent me to a very cheering article in the NEW YORK TIMES about a young Lady who found a new career by going to computer school,. Something to CONSIDER-? Love , NANA
HOLLA AT A GEM KWEEEEN—To celebrate your big day （and Gemini SZN in general!）， here’s a list of famous figures who share your star sign, including Sir Ian McKellen and most serial killers! Much love from your pals at DailyAstroz
happy birthday amiga, hope your gr8 :P let me know if ur out later . . . it’s calvin, ps
“Seven Ways You Didn’t Know You Could Use Birthday Cake （And One Way You Probably Did）”—HBD from 6Bites!
Hi Maggie, Thanks for your inquiry regarding IPL hair removal. Unfortunately, people with your complexion are not candidates for this treatment, as your hair and skin are too fair for the laser to do its job correctly. A shame, as redheads also have some of the coarsest hair types :（ But it’s not all bad news: Stripp’d Wax Bar offers 15% off Birthday Brazilians! Let us know if you want to book in to make this your smoothest birthday yet! Xoxoxo
Olivia tells me it’s your birthday, so just wanted to say: medically speaking, muscle atrophy begins at thirty. Have a good one. Jiro
Chapter 21
The morning of my thirtieth was brisk and bright. I decided to “start the decade right” by going for a run, but ended up taking a light stroll around my neighborhood in full fitness attire. Hannah sent flowers, and my mother called and gave her traditional speech about the rigors of childbirth, and I gave my traditional thanks for her efforts and my life. She told me one day I’d know what she was talking about, and I said, “I don’t think so,” and she said, “You’ll change your mind.” Ten minutes later my father called, and we repeated the interaction almost word for word, minus the focus on vaginal tearing. I wondered if Jon would get in touch.