“After he put Mam to bed and fed the boys, he locked himself in his room.”
Jesus.
With my heart bucking wildly in my chest, I looked around the bar, desperate to drop everything I was doing and go to him, even though I had another four hours of my shift left. But then I thought about the lack of funds in my bank account and the growing intruder in my womb and I paused. I couldn’t afford to lose this job. If I walked off, they would fire me, and nobody was going to hire me in my condition.
I needed the money, dammit.
“By the way, I know about the baby,” Tadhg blew my mind by saying. “My brother got you pregnant.”
My blood ran cold. “Who told you?”
“Nobody,” he replied flatly. “I overheard Mam and Darren talking about it.”
“Okay.” Clearing my throat, I quickly popped the cap on a bottle of coke and set it down in front of him, along with a couple of bags of cheese and onion flavored crisps. “Listen, I’m due a break in twenty minutes. Can you wait here for me until then?”
“Don’t worry.” Nodding stiffly, he tore open the crisp packet and tucked in. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“So, does your mam know you’re here?” I asked, sitting down on an old barrel in the smoking area. “Because I have to say, Tadhg, your mother isn’t exactly my number one fan. I don’t think she’d be too happy to know that you’re here with me.”
“Do I look like I give a shit about what she thinks? Besides, I already told ya she took to the bed again,” he responded harshly as he sat on the empty beer barrel opposite me and polished off his fourth bag of crisps. “I’m here for my brother.”
I sighed heavily. “Come on, Tadhg, we both know Joe didn’t send you here.”
“Never said he did,” he replied, scrunching the empty crisp bag up and stuffing it into the pocket of his navy tracksuit. “Listen, I’m not thick. Everyone treats me like I’m the same as Ollie and Sean when I’m not. I’m not a baby, Aoif. I know things too, ya know.”
Yeah, he knew things alright. Things no boy of his age should know or be subjected to.
“I’m here for Joe because I know he’s fucked in the head right now,” Tadhg continued, taking another swig from his bottle of coke. “I saw it in his eyes that day in the kitchen. I saw him check out. I know he’s not here anymore. Dad broke Shannon’s lungs, but he broke Joey’s mind and Mam helped him do it.”
“He’s still here, Tadhg,” I croaked out, repressing a shiver from how accurate this boy had taken his brother’s measure.
“No, he’s not,” the little guy challenged. “He’s gone and you know it, too.” He gave me a hard stare when he said, “But my brother can get better. I know he can, and you need to not give up on him.”
“Tadhg…” My breath caught in my throat, and I sucked in a shaky breath, wondering just how much he knew. He was turning twelve in a couple of days and knowing that he had this level of intuition and awareness about his family was heartbreaking. “I’m not giving up on your brother.” Swallowing deeply, I offered him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. “I never will.”
“He’s going to make it hard.”
“Nothing worth having comes easy.”
“And it’s going to get worse before it gets better.”
“I’m well aware.”
He watched me for a long beat, clearly taking my measure, before nodding his blond head. “Good. Because you won’t get better than him.”
“I know.”
“I mean it,” he pushed, tone defensive. “Joe’s the only parent I remember having, so, trust me when I tell you that your kid…” He paused to gesture to my stomach before adding, “Is going to have one hell of a father.”
I absorbed his words like an addict would crack cocaine because in this moment, whether he meant it or not, Tadhg Lynch was giving me everything I needed. He believed in his brother in the same way I did. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t yet a boy of twelve, the fact of the matter was that he got it. He saw the same person I did and was prepared to fight for him. It gave me hope. It gave me comfort.
“I’m going to come over as soon as my shift is over,” I told him, unable to disguise the emotion in my voice.
“They’re going to try to force you out,” Tadhg said, standing up, seemingly done with our conversation. “Mam and Darren.” He gave me another hard look before saying, “Don’t let them. Don’t give up on my brother.”
“Don’t worry,” I replied. “I won’t.”
“Good.”
“Do you want to hang out here until I’m finished work?” I asked, watching as he moved for the wall of the smoking area. “I’ll drive you home.”
“That’s what I’ve got legs for.”
“But your dad’s still out there.”
“My dad can go fuck himself,” little alpha called over his shoulder as he climbed onto a wheely bin and vaulted effortlessly onto the stone wall enclosing the smoking area. “If anything, he needs to hope he doesn’t run into me.”
“Tadhg, hold up—”
“I’ll be seeing ya,” he called out, offering me a half-assed sailor salute before disappearing over the wall.
THE FAMILY LINE
JOEY
Our life was a train wreck.
Standing in the kitchen doorway, after persuading the younger boys to go for a kick about on the green across the road, I watched as the older members of my family ranted and roared at each other. Reminding me of a scene straight out of one of those soap dramas that Molloy roped me into watching with her, I was glad that, for once, I wasn’t the instigator of the drama. No, that title had undisputedly fallen to our mother, who had made the fatal error of accusing some rich lady’s son of statutory rape.
I mean, really?
It was fucking embarrassing.
There was only one rapist in our midst, statutory and otherwise, and it was the man she’d nestled down in bed with every night for the past twenty-four plus years.
Fucking hypocrite.
Watching Kavanagh’s mother go for mine in my front garden earlier was a foreign sight to me.
I’d never seen a mother throw down like that for her kid. But Edel Kavanagh had and somewhere, in the back of mind, I got the distinct feeling that Molloy would do the exact same for our kid.
Jesus.
Wishing I was anywhere but back in this house, I looked on as Shannon and Mam battled it out for the title of Ballylaggin’s loudest screamer. While Darren the dildo tried to wave a white flag between them.
Fucking eejit.
Having Mam’s back in it was not going to win him any favors. He was going to bat for the wrong female. Christ, even Seany-boo, who was only three, knew that Darren was flogging a dead horse with our mother.
I might be fucked in the head, but I’d meant it when I’d said that I was done with her. I didn’t have it in me to forgive her again, not after that evening in the kitchen. Not with the memory of my sister’s almost lifeless body still haunting me.
Him or us, Mam?
"Joey was right." Shannon cried out, dragging my scattered attention back to the argument ensuing a few feet away from me. "You're not good for us."