“Full disclosure?”
“Go for it.”
“I was with her more than once.” His cheeks reddened. “When we were a couple.”
“Well, shit.” I grumbled, patting my belly. “Now, I’m really glad I kicked her ass.”
“I figured you were screwing Lynchy behind my back, and that was why you refused to sleep with me, so I went hell for leather with pretty much any girl who looked sideways at me.”
“I wasn’t screwing Joey,” I told him. “Nothing physical happened with Joe until that kiss in fifth year.” I narrowed my eyes. “When you and Billy doubled teamed him before getting him arrested.”
He winced. “Yeah, I know that now.”
“So, speaking about batshit girls.” The baby jabbed me in the ribs, and I shifted around in discomfort. “How’s Danielle?”
“Danielle?” He laughed humorlessly. “Danielle was a distraction from you. We parted ways shortly after the leaving cert exams in June. Last I heard she was seeing Bella’s ex from Tommen.”
“Yeah, well.” I shrugged noncommittally. “I hate to say it, but you probably dodged a bullet with that one.” Snorting, I added, “Which is rich coming from your knocked-up ex.”
He laughed in response before saying. “Listen, I wanted to do something for you before I left. Help you in some way.”
“You don’t need to do anything for me, Paul.”
“I know you’re on your own right now, while Lynchy is at rehab —”
“Joe’s coming home,” I was quick to declare, hands moving protectively to my stomach. “He’s getting better and then he’s coming back for his family.”
My ex shifted in discomfort.
“I’m sorry if that’s still hard for you to hear,” I added. “That I love him? But it’s the truth, and I’m never going to give up on him.”
“Yeah,” he replied with a heavy sigh. “I know you’re not, which is why I did it.”
“What?” Sitting upright, I studied him warily. “What did you do, Paul?”
“I’m guessing you didn’t read today’s paper.”
“No.” I rested my elbows on the table and leaned forward. “Why?”
“There was a huge drug bust in Ballylaggin last night,” he blew my mind by saying. “According to my father, they’ve had eyes on the Holland brothers for a long time now.”
My eyes widened. “Are you serious?”
Paul nodded. “He’s being remanded in Portlaoise until sentencing.”
“Shane is?”
“And more with him,” he confirmed. “According to my father, Shane’s already up for sexual assault, GBH, and several other unanswered charges. Dad reckons the judge will throw the book at him. He’ll be lucky if he doesn’t celebrate his thirtieth in prison.”
“That’s six years.” I felt my body sag in a rush of instant relief. “You’re saying he’s going away for six years?”
“Longer if the DPP have their way.”
“Jesus Christ.” I blew out a ragged breath and clutched my chest. “How did this happen?”
Paul shrugged. “Someone tipped the drug squad off about a shipment of coke, with a street value of six hundred grand.”
“What?” My mouth fell open as awareness dawned on me. As I took in everything he wasn’t saying. “How would someone know to tip them off?”
“Maybe someone has friends in the right places,” he offered, reaching across the table to cover my hand with his. “Maybe before they moved on, someone wanted to make sure his first love had a fighting chance with her first love.”
HELLO, BROTHER
JOEY
One of the earliest steps in my treatment plan was to make amends, which was how I knew I would never get off the ladder of recovery for three reasons.
First, I wasn't going to apologize to anyone for surviving.
Second, fuck that.
Third, I didn't know if I had it in me to fight the battle that I was told would last a lifetime.
Because I was an addict.
I would always be an addict.
I would never stop wanting to use.
The prospect of fighting my urges for the rest of myself was depressing.
Still, I woke up this morning and dragged my ass out of bed, completed all of my chores, and sat my ass in the visitors’ room, with only one goal in my head.
Sit through a meeting with Darren and get that coveted phone call privilege.
Dr. B had convinced the whole treatment team that a reconciliation between me and Darren would be hugely beneficial to my recovery. In my humble opinion, I considered it to be the worst form of emotional blackmail, to dangle a call with my girlfriend in front of me like carrot. But hey, the fuck did I know?
I wasn’t the one with the fancy degree.
I was the washed-up addict, depending on these people to patch me up and send me back into the world.
Dammit, though, I hated that it had to be Darren.
I would have preferred anyone else to walk through that visitors’ room door and that was not an exaggeration.
Hell, I would have even preferred Gussie.
At least he would have smuggled me some cigarettes.
Pushing the sleeves of my grey jumper down to my wrists, I concealed the scars and marks on my veins. Jesus, it felt like a lifetime ago, but I knew I was only one slip away from returning to that world.
It couldn’t happen.
Now that I had a clear head, I knew that I could never go back.
Not even weed.
It was too fucking risky.
The urge was still there, though, bubbling away just beneath the surface, and I was beginning to come to terms with the fact that it would never entirely leave me.
I would always crave opioids.
I would always crave heroin.
In a fucked-up way, I was starting to make peace with it.
When Dr. B finally walked into the room with my brother in tow, I felt the walls I’d been trying to lower shoot back up at a rapid rate.
“Joey,” Darren acknowledged, eyes filling with tears, as he stood in the middle of the room with a bunch of flowers in his hands. “It’s good to see you, brother.”
“Darren.” I stood up and offered him a curt nod. “Please tell me those aren’t for me.”
He glanced down at the flowers in his hand and choked out a laugh, as tears trickled down his cheeks. “I didn’t want to show up empty-handed.”
“I wish you had,” I drawled sarcastically. “You’re going to ruin my street-cred in here.”
“Nah,” he chuckled, closing the space between us. “You’re too notorious.”
When he pulled me in for a hug, I forced myself to not shove him away. Instead, I offered him a small pat on the back.
It was the best I could do.
It was progress.
“Let’s sit down and get started, shall we?” Dr. B suggested, leading my brother over to a large leather couch.
Instinctively, I walked over to the one opposite.
“You have no idea how happy I was to get the call,” Darren got the ball rolling by saying. “When I got home from work and Alex told me that your doctor had called to say I could visit —”
“Hold up,” I interrupted, leaning back on the couch and folding my arms across my chest. “You’re back in Belfast.”