“I still love you.”
I heard her sudden intake of breath, but she didn’t say anything for a long beat. “Don’t.”
“I fucking love you, Aoife Molloy,” I repeated, focusing on an oil stain on the back wall of the garage. “I always will.”
“Then take it back.”
“I can’t.” I shook my head, feeling like my heart was splitting clean down the center. “I’m not good for you.”
All I wanted to do was sprint over to The Dinniman and wrap her up in my arms, but I couldn’t afford to make another mistake with this girl.
Not when I’d already crushed her.
“Are you clean?”
I closed my eyes and nodded weakly. “Yes.”
“Since when?”
“I haven’t touched anything since that night.”
“Because you’re turning over a new leaf?”
“Because I’m fucking ashamed of myself,” I came right out and told her. “Of what I exposed you to. How I treated you.”
There was a long stretch of silence, where I swear that I could hear the sound of my own heart thundering in my ears, before she spoke again. “So, two weeks without anything, huh?”
I nodded again. “Yes.”
“Yeah, I’ll be back in five,” I heard her say. “I’m owed a cigarette break… Yes, Julie, I know I don’t smoke, but I cover for you at least seven times a day when you take yours, so I’m having one.” The line was muffled for a few moments before she returned. “Okay, I’m back. Julie’s just being a greedy bitch.”
“Picking fights with co-workers, Molloy?”
“No more than usual.” There was a bite to her tone that she didn’t try to conceal. “And Shane Holland? How many weeks have you been clean of him?”
“The same.”
“How can I believe you?”
“I don’t know.” I exhaled a heavy sigh. “All I have is my word.”
“I want to believe you, Joe,” she whispered down the line. “So badly.”
But you can’t. “I get it,” I replied, roughly clearing my throat. “We both know that I haven’t been the kind of fella you could put your faith in.”
“You didn’t call.” The accusation was there in her voice. “Not once.”
“I couldn’t.” Grimacing in what felt like physical pain, I forced myself to give her my truth. “I only got my phone back this morning.”
“From who?”
“From Tadhg.”
There was a pause. “Why did Tadhg have your phone?”
“Because I needed to not have it.”
“Because?”
I grimaced. “You know why.”
“Joe.” She breathed heavily into the phone, and I didn’t have to be there to know there was a tremor running through her body. I knew because the same tremor was running through mine. “You’re really clean?”
“Yeah, Molloy.” For you. “I really am.”
“Then what are we doing here? Why am I here and you’re not?”
“I need more time.”
“To do what?” she snapped. “To fuck around?”
“To get myself straightened out,” I corrected gruffly, narrowing my eyes. “Don’t even fucking go there when you know that I’m not looking at anyone else.”
“Well, if you’re clean, then why can’t we just…” Stopping short, she blew out a shaky breath and said, “You know what? Forget it. I won’t beg you again. If you’re not calling to get back together, then hang up the phone.”
“Molloy.“
“I mean it, Joe. Don’t call me again. Not unless you’ve changed your tune.”
The line went dead, and I let my head fall back against the concrete wall.
“Fuck.”
Breathing hard and fast, I resisted re-dialing her number and giving her exactly what she wanted.
The only way I was able to stop myself from doing just that was with the knowledge that while she might want me, she certainly didn’t need me.
Not now.
Not yet.
Not at all if I couldn’t get a handle on myself.
SERVING PINTS AND PRICKS
AOIFE
Ending the call, I shoved my phone into the front pocket of my black apron and shook my hands out, desperately trying to get a handle on my emotions before they got the better of me.
One whole week had passed since I landed on Joey’s doorstep on New Year’s Eve, and I was still a walking mess because nothing had changed.
We were still over.
He was still gone.
I was still shredded.
Keep it together, Aoife.
You’re at work.
You can cry when you get home.
Don’t you dare embarrass yourself!
Refusing to give into the overpowering urge to slump in the corner of the smoking area and rock, I pushed my shoulders back, tipped my chin up, and sauntered back to the bar.
I might be crumbling to pieces on the inside, but I would do it with dignity, dammit.
He’s just a boy.
Just one boy.
You can survive this.
“Mind the bar,” Julie muttered, skulking past me when I returned to my post. “I’m going for a ciggie.”
Since turning eighteen last September, I’d stepped in enough times behind the bar, and pulled enough pints, to know my way around a tap. When the orders started trickling in, I handled it with ease, flirting and smiling and sticking out my chest, like the pro I was.
Unfortunately, one of those orders just so happened to come from a man who made my skin crawl.
“Jameson straight, no ice,” Joey’s father demanded from his perch at the bar.
Forcing myself to keep my smile in place, I quickly set to work on preparing his drink, forcing myself to repress a shudder when I felt his eyes on my back.
“What?” Teddy taunted when I set his drink down on the beer mat in front of him. “No sweet talk for me?”
“That will be three euro please,” I replied, jaw aching from the effort it was taking to keep my smile in place.
Reaching into his jeans pocket, he grabbed a fistful of loose change and smacked it down on the counter in front of me, causing pennies and coppers to spill everywhere. “You can count, can’t ya, girl?”
“I sure can,” I replied, unwilling to let him entice me into an argument, as I used my finger to slide the coins towards me. “Enjoy your drink.”
“I’d enjoy my drink a lot more if you popped a few buttons on that blouse.”
Now I did shudder. “Don’t you have a wife at home to be looking after, Teddy?” Moving to the cash register, I tallied up his drink and dropped the coins inside the till drawer before snapping it shut with a clatter. “A pregnant wife.”
I wasn’t unfamiliar with being propositioned by punters. It came hand in hand with the job, but this was Joey’s father.
As far as he knew, I was his son’s girlfriend.
This wasn’t his first attempt to lure me out back for a quickie, but that didn’t make it any less disturbing.
The man set my teeth on edge in the worst kind of way, and being in his presence was the ultimate form of unsettling.
Dutifully ignoring his comments, I cleared away glasses and wiped down the bar, doing pretty much anything I could to get away from him.