“Well, shit,” I muttered, not knowing what else to say.
“So, how’ve you been, lad?” he asked, taking another hit. “Haven’t seen you around in a while.”
“Keeping busy,” I replied, disappointed with how his appearance had killed the mellow buzz I had been enjoying.
Now, I was on edge again.
On edge and overthinking.
The old saying out of sight, out of mind clearly held some level of merit, because, over time, the more space I had managed to put between myself and my old life, the easier it had become to stay away.
But now that old life was sitting beside me, I realized just how quickly old longings could resurface.
“You still knocking around with that barmaid?”
“She’s a waitress.”
“Waitress,” he corrected, exhaling another cloud of smoke. “I saw your old man in town the other day.”
“Like I give a fuck.”
“Fucking some barmaid at the side of The Dinniman.”
I stiffened.
“Looked an awful lot like that waitress of yours.”
I turned to glare at him. “What’s your angle here, Shane?”
“No angle,” he replied, holding his hands up. “Just doing a good deed for a friend.”
“It wasn’t her.”
He shrugged. “I could be wrong.”
“You are.”
“Still, though,” he mused. “You know what those barmaids are like—”
“Waitress. She’s a waitress, and I’m not listening to this.” Rising to my feet, I turned to look at him. “I told you before that she’s a hard limit for me.”
He shrugged. “I’m only looking out for a friend.”
“Except that I’m not your friend, Shane,” I told him. “I’m just the fool that halved his wages with you since he was old enough to earn it.”
“Sit down, Lynchy.”
“No, I’m not interested.“
“Sit the fuck down,” he warned, tone low and menacing. “Now, kid. I’m not finished with you.”
Wishing more than anything that I was still blissfully ignorant of what he was capable of, I reluctantly sat back down, knowing there was no level he wouldn’t stoop to in order to prove a point.
My baby brothers were a stone throw away from where he was sitting.
I couldn’t afford to be reckless.
Because as dangerous of a friend as he was for me, making an enemy of him would be infinitely worse.
“Your doll is a hard limit for you,” he said calmly, nudging my shoulder with his. “I didn’t hear you before, but I hear you now.”
Body rigid with unease, I nodded stiffly.
“She’s off the table,” he offered. “How’s that?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I remove her from my mind,” he replied breezily. “Meaning that I forget all about her. Where she lives. What she looks like. Where she works. Her old man’s garage. All of it. Erased.”
Bullshit.
The very fact that he was saying this meant that he was using her against me.
He was letting me know, in no uncertain terms, that he could and would go after my girlfriend if I didn’t play by his rules.
The only problem I had was that I didn’t know what game he was playing. “What do you want?”
“Nothing.”
More bullshit.
I arched a disbelieving brow.
“Fine,” he conceded with a chuckle. “I want you to come and see me again.”
In other words, pick back up where I left off.
“No.” Struggling to contain my emotions, I shook my head. “I’m done with that shit.”
“Are you?” he asked, tone coaxing. “Or is your doll doing the thinking for you?”
Shoulders slumping, I let my head fall forward, desperately trying to keep my head and not fuck this up.
The maze I had managed to lose myself in was virtually impossible to navigate my way out of.
Every time I tried to escape, I got dragged back down another dead-end path.
“That supply issue I was having is all cleared up now.” Reaching into his pocket, he withdrew a baggie, and thrust it into my hands. “Your usual.”
“Shane.” With my chest heaving, I stared down at the bag of oxy in my hand. “I can’t.”
“Tell you what,” he said, rising to his feet. “This one’s on me. If I don’t hear from you again, then no hard feelings.”
He walked away before I could say another word, leaving me alone with my self-control hanging by a tether.
REVELATIONS AND RUGBY BOYS
AOIFE
Neither one of Joey’s parents had returned to the house by the following night.
Alone to bear the huge weight of responsibility they had unceremoniously dropped on his shoulders, I had tried to help as he, once again, parented his siblings with a proficiency a grown adult would envy.
Going from hauling them around to their extracurricular activities, to cooking and cleaning up after them, and then bath-time to bedtime; it was exhausting watching him go through the motions.
No wonder he would rather throw himself into traffic than have a child, I thought to myself, he already has four.
When Joey eventually did sit down, a little after eleven, looking bone-weary and close to breaking point, the very last thing I wanted to do was give him that push.
Slumped at the kitchen table, he let his head rest in his hands and exhaled a heavy sigh. “Pretty shit date night, huh, Molloy?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” Walking over to where he was sitting, I set two mugs of coffee down and wrapped my arms around him from behind. “I wouldn’t say it was that terrible,” I replied, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck. “I mean, the company’s pretty epic.”
Grunting in response, he reached a hand up and gave mine a squeeze.
“So.” Taking the seat next to his, I reached for my mug and blew the rim before taking a sip. “What’s the plan?”
“I don’t have one,” he admitted honestly, reaching for his mug. “I have no idea what I’m doing, or how long I’ll have to do it for.”
I thought about what he said for a long time before saying, “I think you’re quite possibly the most incredible human being I’ve ever known.”
He shook his head and chuckled. “Fuck off.”
“I’ve never meant anything more in my life,” I urged. “Who you are? What you do? The knocks you’ve taken? The blows you continue to receive? How hard you love those kids? How much you sacrifice so that they don’t have to?” I shook my head. “It’s mind-blowing, Joe. Your selflessness is staggering.”
“Don’t say shit like that, Molloy,” he muttered, taking a swig of his coffee.
“Why not?” I pressed. “Are you afraid someone might hear me and realize how amazing you are, too?”
“I’m far from amazing,” he replied quietly, brows furrowed. “Seriously. Don’t put me on a pedestal. I wasn’t built for one. I’ll only end up letting you down.”
“I’d say you’re doing a pretty good job of doing the opposite,” I offered. “I’m so proud of you, Joe.”