“I don’t hate you, love, I could never hate you,” she was quick to soothe, as the sound of a chair scraping off tiles filled my ears. “I just need to sit down and think about this for a moment.”
“Okay,” I sniffled, nodding aimlessly, as tears trickled down my cheeks. “Take your time.”
“Have you taken a pregnancy test?”
“I’ve taken four.”
“And?”
I choked out a sob. “All positive.”
“Oh, Aoife, love.”
“Yeah.” I shrugged, helpless.
“Have you told Joey?”
I shook my head.
“Aoife, does Joey know?”
“Not yet,” I breathed, chest rising and falling quickly. “And don’t tell Dad either, okay? Or Kev – or Nana. Not yet. Not until I talk to Joe.”
“And when do you plan on talking to Joey?”
“I don’t know.” I felt my shoulders slump. “I tried to earlier, but I’m so scared.”
“Aoife, this is Joey’s burden just as much as it is yours. I know you’re frightened, but the boy has a right to know.”
“I know, Mam, okay?” I snapped, chest heaving. “I know. God! I’m trying to work up to it.”
“He’s a good boy,” she was quick to assure me. “He is, Aoife, he’s one of the few good ones, if that’s why you’re avoiding telling him.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because your father and I have known that boy since he was twelve years old,” she replied. “Joey might be rough around the edges, but he’s never been one to shy away from hard work or responsibility. It’s not in his nature.”
“Yeah, Mam, but this is different,” I squeezed out, blinking away my tears. “This is a baby.”
“He won’t turn his back on you,” she promised. “Trust me. I’m your mother. I was put on this earth to worry about you, and when you told me you were late, a million different fears and worries flooded my mind. But never once did I worry about that boy’s willingness to stick by you.”
“Maybe you’re right,” I choked out, resting my head on my knees. “But I just… I need some more time before I tell him.”
Mam was quiet for a long time, clearly reeling in my revelation, until she finally spoke again. “Look, today is Sunday. There’s not much we can do today. I’ll phone the GP first thing in the morning. We’ll get you an appointment as soon as possible, and we’ll go from there.”
“No, no, no, I can’t, Mam,” I cried hoarsely. “I’m not ready.”
“You’re going to have to be,” she stated in that no-nonsense mothering tone of voice that held no room for arguing. “You need to have your bloodwork taken, and have a dating scan. You need to meet with a consultant and put a hospital plan together.” Mam sighed sadly again. “Because, whether you’re ready or not, there’s a baby growing in your belly who won’t wait for anyone.”
“Mam.”
“Talk to Joey,” she pushed. “Talk to the boy, Aoife. I promise, you’ll feel a lot better once you do.”
“Are you disappointed in me?” I dared to ask, and then held my breath out of fear of her answer.
“I’m not disappointed in you, sweetheart, I’m disappointed for you,” she replied gently. “You’re eighteen years old, with a big, bright future laid out in front of you, and now it’s… going to be changing course. You’re going to have to grow up way too fast, and I hate that for you, but your father and I will be there every step of the way.”
“Dad. Really?” I flinched. “He’s going to hit the roof, Mam.”
“Let me handle your father,” she replied. “You don’t have to worry about him or Kev. You are our daughter, and you have a home with us now and always.” She paused for a beat before adding, “and you have my unconditional support.”
“I’m so sorry, Mam.”
“Me too, Aoife,” she replied sadly. “I’m so sorry, too, love.”
Ending the call, I slid my phone into the pocket of Joey’s sweatpants that I was wearing, only to still when my fingers brushed over a small plastic baggie.
Tensing, I withdrew the small bag from my pocket and stared down at the tablets in my hand.
It took my eyes a moment to make sense of what I was seeing, and my head a little longer to register the magnitude.
Trembling, I slowly unsealed the bag and poured the contents into the palm of my hand, counting thirty or so small pills, in a several different shapes and sizes.
The majority of the pills were stamped with little numbers: 512. D5. 325. M30. K9.
Beyond horrified, I shoved them all back in the bag and resealed it, before shoving it back in my pocket.
Bunching the sleeves of his hoodie up to my elbows, I sagged against the kitchen door at my back, breathing escalating to the point that I was on the brink of a panic attack.
No.
No.
No, God, please no!
Staggering to my feet, I opened the door and quickly hurried back upstairs to his room, heart racing wildly, as I struggled to restrain my fear from overtaking me.
When my eyes landed on Joey, sprawled out on his back, with his arm slung over his face, still sleeping, I released a shuddering breath and quietly closed the bedroom door behind me.
Fingers trembling, I reached for the hem of his hoodie and quickly dragged it over my head before kicking off his sweatpants.
Desperate to get it away from my body, I threw them back in the corner of his room where I’d found them, before sinking down on the edge of the mattress.
With my hands knotted in my hair, and my elbows resting on my thighs, I sagged forwards, and breathed deep and slow, forcing myself to get a handle on my emotions.
It doesn’t mean anything.
The bag is clearly untouched.
He’s clean.
He’s still trying.
Don’t freak out.
He’s always with you.
You would know if he was using again.
There’s a reasonable explanation for this.
There has to be…
Groaning in his sleep, Joey rolled onto his side and reached for me. “Molloy.”
Shivering, I let him pull me back into his arms and press a kiss to my temple. “Hm?”
“Don’t run,” he mumbled in his sleep, as he draped his arm around my body and spooned me from behind. “Stay, baby.”
“I’ll stay, Joe,” I whispered, clutching onto his forearm for dear life. “If you will.”
SWEET SIXTEEN
JOEY
The following morning, when I finally woke a little after ten, it was to an empty bed and a childless house.
The note on my bedside locker, in Molloy’s familiar scrawl told me all that I needed to know.
Hey stud,
If you’re wondering why I’m writing this down instead of texting you, it’s because I’m out of credit. Oh, and if you’re wondering why the house smells like bleach, and your money is all budgeted for the week in cute envelopes, it’s because I’ve been up since 4am. Hope you don’t mind.
Anyway, Sean woke up and came into your room around 6am, but you looked so exhausted, and it’s the first time I’ve seen you actually get a good night’s sleep, that I decided to take him and the boys out, and let you have a lie in.