“Bastard?” My brows shot up in surprise. “You hardly ever curse, Mam.”
“Yes, well, sometimes there’s just no other word to fit the description,” she replied, giving me a small smile. “And when it comes to describing that man, bastard is putting it mildly.”
“He’s going to take it badly,” I heard myself admit, chewing on my lip, as a wave of anxiety came over me.
“Teddy?” she snorted. “Don’t you worry about him, pet. Your father and I are more than able to handle him.”
I shook my head.
Mam’s eyes softened. “Joey.”
I nodded anxiously. “He hates his father, Mam. I mean he really, really despises the man. I mean it, Mam. He’s so paranoid about turning into him, that it has really screwed with his mind growing up.”
“That’s so sad,” Mam replied. “Joey is nothing like his father.”
“I know. But once I tell him that I’m pregnant – that we’re having a baby when we’re still in school – he’s going to take one look at our situation and compare it with his parents.” I shrugged helplessly before adding, “I’m really scared that it’ll push him off the deep end.”
While we had never openly spoken about Joey’s issues, my mother wasn’t a stupid woman. For years, before we became a couple, Joey had worked with my father, and been to our home on countless occasions. If I could tell he was strung out back then, then so could my parents. Still, Dad never fired him, and Mam never turned him away from the door. Instead, they continued to hold the door open for a boy who had never been given a fighting chance.
“I love him, Mam,” I declared, voice thick with emotion, as I locked eyes on my mother from across the coffee table. “I do. I love him so much that it blinds me.”
“That is what tends to happen when you fall in love for the first time,” she replied gently. “It happens to the best of us, pet.”
“I mean, obviously, I know we don’t have a perfect relationship. Far from it.” Shoulders sagging, I waved a hand in front of me as I continued, “Being with him feels messy, and raw, and complicated as hell, but it also feels exciting, and addictive, and so incredibly right.” I blew out a breath and shrugged helplessly. “There’s no one else for me, Mam. I know it. I can feel it in my bones.”
“I believe you,” she replied, nursing her mug between her hands. “You’ve always been a drama queen—"
“Hey!”
“Let me finish.”
“Fine,” I huffed out a breath.
Laughing, Mam tried again. “What I’m trying to say is that even though you’ve always had a flair for the dramatics, and can be recklessly impulsive with your actions, you have never been reckless with your heart.”
“Wow,” I mused. “What a backhanded compliment.”
“Oh stop,” Mam chuckled. “Where is the lie in that?”
There wasn’t one.
“Fine, I’m dramatic,” I conceded, waving her off. “But Kev is the one starved for your attention.”
“Aoife,” Mam chuckled.
“It’s true,” I argued light-heartedly. “He’s insanely jealous of all the time we’ve been spending together lately. Haven’t you noticed the big cranky head on him? I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a tiny doll version of me in his room with pins sticking out of it.”
“Poor Kev,” she laughed.
“Poor Kev my ass,” I challenged with a roll of my eyes. “You’ve babied him, Mam, and he can’t handle anyone else having your attention.”
“If I’ve babied Kev, it’s because he needed me to.”
“Ugh.” I fake gagged. “Sure.”
“It’s true. You’ve never needed me the way he has. You’ve always been my wild child,” she continued to tell me. “More challenging than your brother – and more rebellious, too. While Kev has always hidden himself away in the safety of the shade, uncertain and unsure of himself, you, my dear girl, have basked in the sunshine. You refuse to shy away from the world, choosing instead to embrace all that life has to offer.”
“I’m not sure if you’re saying that’s a good thing or not,” I admitted, eyeing her warily.
“It’s a good thing,” Mam chuckled. “Sure, you’ve given me a few grey hairs down through the years, and I’ve had to rein that reckless streak in at times, but you’ve done a wonderful job of managing to find the balance between enjoying your teens and losing yourself in the process. And I’m so proud of you for that, my little darling.”
“Uh, hello? I’m with child, Mam,” I shot back dramatically, gesturing to the tiny swell of my stomach – the swell that looked more like I’d eaten a heavy meal than anything else. “I’m about to make you a grandmother before your forty-fifth birthday. I think it’s safe to say that I haven’t done such a great job of finding the balance in anything – unless you’re referring to my ability to balance on Joey’s dick, then in that case, the evidence is all in and it turns out that I’m a pro.”
“Why would you say that to me?” Mam groaned, covering her face with her hand. “I’m your mother, Aoife. Jesus.”
I shrugged. “I guess that’s my reckless streak roaring its ugly head again, huh, Mam?”
“Yes, well, I’m all for an open and honest discussion with my daughter,” she said with a grimace. “But please consider the fact that I birthed you and have known Joey since he was a boy of twelve. I don’t need the mental image of you balancing on his willy, nor do I need you to delve into any sort of intimate details. Save that kind of talk for Casey.”
“Willy,” I snickered. “Say dick, Mam.”
“I will not,” she replied, flushed. “It’s a horrible word.”
“For a wonderful body part.”
“Aoife!”
“Okay, okay.” I held my hands up. “Shutting up now.” Chuckling softly, I looked to Mam and said, “Remember a few years ago, when I told you that I would never allow myself to catch crazy deep feelings for a boy?”
“Ah yes.” Mam smiled knowingly. “I seem to remember you insisting that you would never fall in love with Paul, or let any boy, for that matter, cloud your judgement.”
I grimaced. “God, I was such a sanctimonious fool.”
“You believed it at the time.”
“Yeah, I really did.”
“Ah, but Paul Rice was never Joey Lynch, was he?”
That’s for damn sure.
“No.” I exhaled a shaky breath and shook my head. “He wasn’t.”
“It used to make me sad, you know.” Mam took another sip of her latte before adding, “Seeing you with Paul, forcing yourself to feel things I knew you didn’t, while you carried such a strong torch for someone else.”
I winced. “Was it that obvious?”
“Oh yes.” Mam nodded. “You spent four years of your youth settling for comfortable with a boy you had nothing in common with, while your heart never once wandered from a boy who made your whole face light up when he walked in the room.” A melancholy sigh escaped her. “I never saw you have that kind of reaction when you were with Paul. Your eyes didn’t widen when he looked at you, and your cheeks never blushed when he winked. You used to look almost despondent when he called over to see you.”