Payne shrugs him off. “I didn’t hear anything.”
“Nope. She definitely called us. Come on, we can’t leave her waiting.” Marty physically yanks Payne, and only then does he move.
Lee rubs his arm. “Is he an ex-boyfriend?”
“Nope.”
“Does he see you like a brother, then?”
After last night, that would be creepy. “Definitely not. I’m clueless what that was.” Other than totally out of character.
“I’d hoped to catch you tonight, actually. I mentioned to Marty that you’re my type, and he said you’re not seeing anyone, so if you were free, did you want to go on a date?”
Ah. We’re jumping straight to it.
Do I want to go on a date with him?
No.
Should I want that?
Definitely.
Lee’s attractive. Not in the rough way that Payne is, but he’s conventionally attractive. He also seems to be nice, just like Marty said he was.
Then why do I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to go on a date with him?
The problem is, I’m not good at letting people down.
And faced with Lee’s kind eyes and hopeful expression, I say the only thing I can. “Sure. Let me give you my number.”
DMC GROUP CHAT
Payne: How do you let someone down easy?
Art: Not my area of expertise.
Griffin: Or mine.
Orson: I’ve never done it either, but I’d assume just being honest about why it won’t work. Who do you need to let down?
Payne: Nobody.
Art: Okay, we’ll pretend to believe you.
Griffin: Why do you need to let this “nobody” down?
Payne: Because he’s … I’m not in a relationship place right now.
Orson: So tell him that.
Payne: Hmm … maybe.
13
Payne
Drinks with Marty used to be fun.
Visiting Kilborough during my time off, catching up with familiar faces, seeing the girls, having a few beers until I’m happy and buzzing, ready for Kyle to drive us back to a hotel room … where I’d end up passing out.
I scowl as I think of what he probably got up to on those nights while I was blissfully sleeping off my alcohol coma.
All of our memories together are tainted.
It’s probably a good thing. It makes it a lot easier to ignore that niggling in the back of my mind that I should go back so I don’t spend the rest of my life alone.
Forty isn’t old. But it does feel way past the premium dating age, and going through that again only to find someone who I don’t think I could ever trust properly seems exhausting.
I agree with Beau. Dating sucks.
And yet … I narrow my eyes and watch him with Lee. They’re sitting around the fire pit where we left them and flirting up a storm. Lee looks ready to eat Beau alive.
Should I be offended that Beau can go from having a crush on me one day to being completely consumed by this other dude a day later?
Though it does confirm my suspicions that hooking up made him loose-lipped and he said something that felt right in the moment but was grossly exaggerated by the mind-blowing orgasm.
It should be a relief.
It shouldn’t annoy me as much as it does.
Beau’s back to his usual awkward self, and it was easy to slip into what we were and not acknowledge what happened last night. I wasn’t sure if it was the right move, but he doesn’t exactly look cut up about it.
I take another long drink of my beer, still watching them.
Am I offended? I think so. He claimed I gave him the best hand job of his life, and here he is ready to wrap those lips around another guy’s dick, and I … don’t like it.
I’m also well aware I have no ground to stand on here since I wasn’t lying when I said I had nothing to offer Beau.
I’m not so sure Lee does either.
What I want to do is go over there and interrupt them again.
What I should be doing is asking Marty if I can move back in here.
I don’t want to though. I like living with Beau. I like my room. I like his eccentricities. I like when I’m falling asleep and can feel his breath on my back, the steady lines of the marker running across my skin.
That’s something that’s going to have to stop though. I think. I can’t argue it isn’t good for the both of us, but if he does have this crush that he claims he does, that’s the sort of thing that can blur lines.
Although …
I hate to admit this, but if Beau was dating someone, it wouldn’t be an issue.
We could go back to exactly how we were.
It means no possibility of a repeat of last night, but I think that’s off the table anyway. Unfortunately.
Because fuck me, he has one talented mouth. And that glimpse of his playful, happy self right after is something I’d like to see again.
But that Beau isn’t for me.
“You’re quiet today.”
I turn to find Lizzy assessing me. “Geez. ‘Payne you’re a loudmouth,’ ‘Payne you’re too quiet.’ Between you and your husband, I’m getting mixed signals.”
“When did he call you a loudmouth? Normally I’d agree, which is why seeing you here by yourself is weird.”
“Apparently I was interrupting his matchmaking.” I wave my hand toward where Beau and Lee are.
Lizzy follows my gaze, looking confused for a moment before it clicks. “Ah, he introduced them, did he?”
“Looks like it.”
“About time. I swear the last two dinners Lee has been over for, it’s all they’ve talked about. I almost banned Beau’s name from the dinner table.”
“You guys have Lee over?”
“Sure.” She shrugs. “We’re an old married couple, but we do have friends, you know.”
I pretend to look around the party. “Shit, is that who these people are?”
“You’re funny.”
“Seriously though, why Lee? He’s … showy.”
She tilts her head. “You think? I’ve always thought he was nice.”
“Nice. Wow. Ringing endorsement.”
“Better than what I tell people about you.”
“Oh, yeah?” I play along. “I would have thought world’s greatest brother-in-law ever was a good thing.”
“Sure. That. But also, total pain in the ass.”
That makes me laugh because I couldn’t picture Lizzy saying that about anyone. “That decides it, no more chocolate deliveries for you.”
“Oh no, I take it back.”
“Where are my wild nieces today?” I ask.
“With Mom. They get a sleepover, and Marty and I get to pretend we’re still fun adults.”
“At least you know you’re preten—oomph!”
She backhands my gut. “That’s enough from you.”
I know Lizzy and Marty need the night away from the girls, but I wish they were here. They’re always good at being a distraction.
“So, are you going to tell me what your problem with Lee is?”
“He’s not our people.”
“Uh-huh. And what is our people?”
Fucked if I can describe it. “Laid-back. Cool. He’s trying too hard.”
“Of course he is. He’s talking to the guy he has the hots for. Trust me, normally he’s way more relaxed.”