He’d been caressing my skin, but his hand falls still. “What is it?”
“When you’re not here…I’m not sure how to say this without it sounding like I’m complaining.”
“Say it anyway.”
I exhale a hard breath. “Okay. The thing is, when I don’t hear from you for days at a time, I worry. You live a dangerous life. I have no way of knowing from one day to the next if you’re…if anything has happened to you. And if it had, I’d never find out. It would be like…”
When I pause to gather my thoughts, he says simply, “Your fiancé.”
Of course he’d know. He always knows what I’m feeling. I squeeze my eyes shut, emotion welling in my chest.
“I promise I’ll touch base every day from now on.”
Hiding my face in his neck, I whisper, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to be a pain in the ass.”
“No, I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I should’ve realized how hard it would be for you. That not hearing from me would remind you of what happened with him.”
He swallows and tightens his arms around my body. When he speaks again, his voice is husky. “Tell me you forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive.”
I can tell his mind is going a million miles per hour, that his mouth is crowded with words fighting to come out, but after a long, tense pause, all he says is, “Yes, there is.”
His tone is so dark and chilling, it scares me. My intuition buzzes, sending a cold tingle down my spine.
“Is there?”
He doesn’t speak for so long, I start hyperventilating. Every horrible thing he could’ve possibly done that would require my forgiveness flashes through my mind.
And every one of them involves another woman.
I lift my head and stare at his profile. He’s gazing up at the ceiling, his jaw flexing.
“Kage?”
He turns his head and meets my eyes. His expression is unfathomable. His voice thick, he says, “I’ve done terrible things, Natalie. Things I can never undo. Things you would hate me for if you knew about them.”
My heart thundering in panic, I try to roll off him. He doesn’t let me. His arms are a vise.
Voice shaking, I say, “There’s someone else. Is that what you’re telling me?”
“No.”
“Are you sure? Because it sounds like—”
“I’m yours until the day I die,” he interrupts, his voice hard. “You wear my ring. You own my heart. Never question that.”
I examine his expression. Convinced he’s telling the truth, I relax a little. But, still. What is he saying?
Hesitant, I say, “Do you want to tell me about these things you’ve done?”
“Fuck no.” He closes his eyes and huffs out a small, hard laugh. “And that’s what makes me such a selfish bastard.”
“I’m sorry, but I’m confused. It really seems like you want to tell me something.”
He inhales deeply, his chest rising. He exhales. When he speaks again, he sounds a hundred years old. “Forget it.”
A freezing bolt of terror rips through my chest, leaving a hole where my heart used to be. In a small, strangled voice, I say, “Oh god. Your boss found you a wife. You’re getting married.”
His eyes fly open. He stares at me in horror. “No! Natalie, no. I swear to you. Christ, I’m sorry, baby. That’s not what I’m talking about at all.”
He kisses me, hard, holding my jaw and the back of my head as I lie on top of him, trembling. Then he rolls me over and throws one heavy leg over both of mine.
“Listen to me now,” he says urgently, gazing down into my eyes. “If that ever happens, if he ever comes to me with that order, I won’t do it. I’ll disobey him. I’ll never be with anyone else but you.”
Struggling not to cry, I say, “But you took a vow. You told me you’d have to—”
“I’d kill him before I’d betray you. I’d burn his whole empire to the ground before I’d turn my back on the woman I love.”
That hits me in the chest like a wrecking ball.
I lie there breathlessly, staring up at his hard, handsome face, recognizing from his lethal tone and the fierce look in his eyes that what he just said is the truth.
I’m his queen…and he’d kill his own king for me.
But maybe this isn’t a random declaration.
Maybe it’s a plan.
Placing my hands on either side of his face, I say vehemently, “Don’t do anything stupid. Don’t do anything that could get you killed.”
His laugh is short. “Every minute of my life could get me killed.”
“You know what I’m saying, Kage. Don’t put your life at risk for me.”
Eyes glittering in the dark, he gazes down at me in silent intensity, until he slowly shakes his head.
“It already is, baby. It already is.”
33
Nat
It’s hours before I fall asleep.
I lie in the dark in Kage’s strong arms, listening to his deep, even breathing, tucked next to him, warm and safe. He’s on his side with one arm and one leg thrown over me, protecting me even in sleep.
He made me stand next to the bed as he gently rubbed lotion into each of my butt cheeks. Then he brought me aspirin and a glass of water and made me drink. He winced at the mark he left on my neck, but his brow smoothed when I lied and said I couldn’t feel it at all.
Then he pulled me down into bed beside him and instantly fell into a deep sleep.
He hasn’t moved a muscle in hours.
I wonder when he last slept.
I also wonder how this tragedy we’re brewing will come to a head.
It’s inevitable. I know deep in my soul that we’re a rudderless ship with torn sails in high seas, headed straight for a treacherous reef filled with flesh-eating sharks and razor-sharp rocks.
I feel it. Something bad is coming.
A storm is headed our way.
When I try to slip out of bed, Kage awakens on instant high alert. His tone is sharp. “Are you all right?”
“Easy, tiger. I have to pee.”
He relaxes back against the pillows, rubs a hand over his face, yawns. “Hurry back.”
I use the bathroom and come back to bed, crawling under the covers beside him, lying on my side. He drags me closer, spooning me from behind, and nuzzles his nose into my hair.
Poking my butt, his erection soon makes itself known. But he ignores it, choosing instead to hold me.
I whisper into the dark, “I need you to tie me up.”
He freezes.
“I need…” I gulp, overwhelmed by a sudden sense of dread. Dread I know he can rid me of, if only for a short time. “Take me out of my head. Tie me up like you did before and…”
His voice is low and rough. “And what?”
I whisper, “Make me forget about everything.”
He lies still behind me. Still and silent. Only his quickened breathing gives an indication of how my words have affected him. That and his erection, which has grown to a steel bar.
He leans closer and breathes hotly into my ear, “Permission to fuck your sweet ass.”
He doesn’t say another word. He doesn’t move. He simply waits until I decide.