Jud eyed me like he’d felt the crash of reservations as he angled up to secure the basket on the handlebars. “You good, darlin’？”
“Yep.”
A smirk slanted at the edge of his mouth.
So sexy.
My stomach twisted.
“Huh, you look like you’re itching to take a run.” He said it like a tease, though there was no missing the current that ran through it. “And here I would have thought you’d have had plenty of exercise last night.”
“Nope, still plenty of energy,” I tossed out, popping up on my toes.
“Good thing,” he grated, so low, the words a promise that slicked across my flesh.
Shivers flashed.
He chuckled a dark sound.
Damn him.
He knew exactly what he was doing to me.
“And why’s that?” I cocked my head, mock innocence in my voice. “Did you have something in mind?”
Yeah, I should probably keep my mouth shut.
Balancing the bike upright, he reached over and tipped up my chin. “Sweet Enchantress…but now you’re not playin’ so sweet.”
“I like sweets, you wants some cookies?” Juni piped in, scrambling to her feet.
Jud laughed and dipped in and kissed my temple. “We’ll revisit this later, baby.”
He turned to Juni. “How about we save the cookies for later and we take this thing for a spin first?”
“Oh, yes!” She clasped her hands together. “I gotta gets my helmet and my pads and my best friend, then I’ll be all ready.”
“I’ll let them know.”
Jud thumbed into his phone and sent Trent a text.
A minute later, their front door flew open.
Gage came blazing out, hopping the whole way down to the edge of the street. “My dad said your bike is done. Are you ready, Juni Bee? We gotta race.”
“Ah, I think we aren’t quite ready for racing yet, buddy,” Trent told him as he went to wheel Gage’s bike from the carport and down the driveway, a helmet hanging from the handlebars.
Eden came out behind them, a soft smile on her face.
“But Dad, that’s what the wheels are for. The racin’。” Gage lowered his voice like it was a secret.
Clearly, Lawson blood beat fast in his veins.
“It’s okay, we can do the races. I’ll beat you so bad, you ain’t never gonna knows what hit you! Bet you five dollars,” Juni shouted.
Apparently, my daughter was secretly competitive. “Um, you don’t have five dollars, Juni Bee.”
She took Jud’s hand. “Who needs money when you gots a motorcycle man.”
My heart panged, and my attention whipped up to Jud’s face. Jud who looked like he was stricken.
He pressed his free hand to his chest, then he grinned at me, so soft, so tender, riddled with affection. “Seems I got stung by a little bee.”
Lightheadedness swept through my head.
A wave of joy and hope.
Needing to distract myself from the impact of it, so unexpected, so right, I rushed to help Juni into her helmet and the set of pads Jud had gotten for her knees and elbows.
I had to remind myself I couldn’t rely on anyone but myself. I was just begging for the pain. Because this man was carving out a place for himself inside me, and I was terrified of it becoming a vacancy.
Another hole that throbbed and moaned for all of eternity. I knew it, knew it too well, the way it felt when you lost something so important you no longer could remember how to breathe.
How to walk.
How to move on.
Jud touched my hand that I didn’t realize was shaking, that my movements had turned jittery as I’d ensured all of Juni’s protective gear was tight and secure.
“Darlin’， it’s okay.”
The words were a hard scrape.
A score in the air.
I swallowed hard.
He looked at me like I was a treasure.
What was I doing? But I couldn’t do anything but watch when Jud patted the seat of the pink bicycle. “Hop on, Juni Bee.”
She squealed, and he helped her get settled, showed her how to work the brakes and the pedals, all while keeping her upright.
Gage went jetting by with Trent running behind him to hold him up so he could learn how to pedal and balance.
“I’m flying, Juni! You better hurry up! I’m gonna ride up the highest mountain and then shoot all the way to the stars.”
“Don’t leaves me!” she shouted, pushing her feet hard at the pedals. Jud started to jog behind her, keeping her straight.
Emotion gathered in my chest.
A fist.
A crush.
A caress.
Tears blurred my eyes as I stepped out onto the street behind them to watch two brothers who I knew had suffered so much pain, take up the simple, ordinary task of teaching these two children how to ride their bikes.
So much patience.
So much care.
And I wondered if Trent thanked God that he had his son, safe and secure, and if it was killing Jud that his daughter was out there somewhere. That he didn’t know her. If his own vacancy was shouting out inside of him.
Condemning.
Reminding him of what he’d done.
I jumped when the hand took mine. I glanced to the left at Eden who had come up beside me. She squeezed my hand as we both gazed out at the men racing and laughing with the children.
Juni was screaming, her movements a little erratic as she jerked at the handlebars.
“Just relax, Juni, and go with the flow. I have you. I have you,” Jud repeated.
I have you.
My heart throbbed and my spirit moaned.
“I see so much of my fiancé in you,” she whispered out into the distance. “He was so scared of it…scared of loving someone. That he would be wrong to accept it.”
My throat suddenly felt tight, burning as the old wounds writhed.
I could feel her glance at me, though I couldn’t look away from where Jud laughed as he ran along holding Juni up.
A shield.
Fierce, unrelenting armor.
A cushion that would catch her, waiting beneath.
They guided the bikes in circles, raced the straightaways, crisscrossed as Juni and Gage chased each other.
Giggles and joy floated on the summer air, all while Trent and Jud jumped in on the taunts.
“You’re going down.”
“Ha, you don’t even know what’s coming for you.”
Everyone teasing and playing.
Easy.
Right.
“Different, of course,” Eden added, “but in the end, it’s always the tragedies, the mistakes, our scars, and our regrets that hold us back from the goodness—the gifts—that are waiting for us to receive them.”
“Me and Jud? Oh, we’re just having fun.” The lie felt like a thousand-pound weight. “We both agreed that neither of us are in a position to fall in love.”
Eden let go of a soft scoff, one made of gentle disbelief. “You think that man doesn’t love you? I doubt I’ve ever seen anything so blatant as what he feels for you.”
Fear bottled tight. It constricted my throat.
“He can’t…”
I trailed off.
Because the truth was, I couldn’t…I couldn’t let myself fall.
Be so reckless.
I was just worried I was already there.
“Let go, Dad!” Gage shouted. “Faster! I gotta go faster!”