I couldn’t feel my feet, but I knew the ground wobbled below me.
Jud was there, sweeping me into his arms a second before I crumbled.
My arms curled desperately around his neck. “I didn’t mean to, Jud. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you.”
It spilled out.
The confession of my soul.
I didn’t mean to, but I did.
I did.
“I know, darlin’。 I know,” he murmured at my ear as he held me against his chest.
Massive arms surrounded me.
His heart thundered, a pound, pound, pounding of peace. Of safety. Of saving grace.
He exhaled the heaviest breath into my hair.
He reached inside the car and shut off the engine.
He didn’t let me go, he just moved to Juni’s door, opened it, unbuckled her, and helped her down.
He held me with one arm, his other hand securely wrapped around Juni’s.
“I have you,” was all he said as he started to walk back around the building.
Warmth skated across my skin, sank below, embedded itself in my marrow.
I burrowed my face into his beard. Inhaled his aura. Drew it into my lungs.
Relished the sanctuary of this man.
Citrus and spice. A warm fall night.
A protector.
While every muscle in his body vibrated with the truth of the length he’d be willing to go for us. The ferocity that sped and churned.
A grim, wicked savior.
I clung to him.
Gave.
Trusted.
Loved.
Reckless.
A sob curled up my throat, and I pressed my mouth to his shoulder and released it.
In it was surrender.
Concession.
A yielding to his sacrifice.
“I have you.”
It penetrated, bled into my cells, and became a part of my heartbeat.
“I have you.”
He somehow managed to get the heavy metal door open without setting me down, and he held it so Juni could slip inside. He took her hand again as he carried me upstairs.
His footsteps echoed.
Heavy and firm.
Juni scrambled along at his side, her little spirit quieted and held, yet somehow calmed.
As if she had fallen into the same peace.
At the top landing, Juni moved ahead to hold the door open for us to pass.
“Thank you, Little Bee,” Jud said so quietly, with so much care and adoration. He carried me directly into his bedroom, and he set me on the edge of the bed and knelt in front of me.
He brushed back my hair and searched me with those obsidian eyes. “I know you’re scared of it. Hell, I know this is terrifying for us both. Neither of us expected it. But I love you, Salem. I love you with all of me. With the good parts and the bad parts. With the ones that are whole and the ones that are broken. All of them—they belong to you.”
Emotion filled every cell in my body. Spirit and soul.
“Say it’s forever.” The plea left me on a whimper.
“It’s forever, baby. Today, tomorrow, and always.”
I touched his face as emotion overwhelmed. Possessed. “I love you, Jud. I love you in a way that should be impossible. With a love so big and massive it hurts.”
He cocked me a tender smile. “I understand that feeling well, darlin’。 Think I’ve been feeling it since the second you walked into my life.”
He gathered my hand and pressed it to his lips. “I will do whatever it takes to protect you and Juni. You have to trust that.”
For a second, his eyes dropped closed. When he opened them, I was sure I could see all the way down into his soul.
He was laying himself bare.
There was no secret, no shame, no hurt that we wouldn’t hold for the other.
“You’ve been fighting for so long, Salem. Let me fight for you.”
I touched the lines of his rugged, handsome face. “With me,” I corrected. “Because I’ll never stop, not until she’s safe.”
Old wounds curled and gutted.
Jud held me by the face. As if he held those, too. Shared them with me. “I understand, darlin’。 Neither will I.”
“Forever.” It left me on a promise.
The pad of his thumb traced along the gnarled scar at my jaw. “Forever.”
Energy whispered, a soft whirring in the air, stirring through the disorder.
My words were soggy. “We’re a mess.”
A smile twitched beneath his beard as he slipped his palm up to rest on my cheek.
Adoring.
Emphatic.
Whole.
“A beautiful fuckin’ mess.”
“You gonna have a kid around, you’re gonna have to learn to watch the bad words, Motorcycle Man, or else you’re gonna have to go to timeout all the ways in Antarctica with my mimi because she gots the bad words, too.”
Our little bubble popped, and Jud’s surprised laugh split through the severity.
“That so?” Jud’s entire face spread into a grin.
“Yup,” Juni said from the doorway.
My light. My hope. My joy.
Those were the things I wanted to give her, too.
A tremble of realization rocked through me.
And I knew, I couldn’t—couldn’t truly do that if I kept running. If I packed up and left every time I felt a shiver lift the hairs at the back of my neck.
It was time I truly fought.
Found a way to find true peace. I didn’t know how to do that, but I knew, right then, that Jud would be there beside me as I did.
“Then I guess I better watch it,” Jud replied.
“Because you wanna keep me?” She screeched it, pure delight.
Jud looked at me, his thumb tracing along my jaw before he looked back at my daughter. “Yeah, Juni, I wanna keep you.”
My heart pulsed.
“Why don’t you take a shower?” he suggested when he turned back to me. “I’m going to make some calls and get someone over here to keep watch tonight, and then I’m gonna get our Little Bee fed. I want you to relax and know you’re safe. Okay?”
My nod was soft.
“Good.”
Jud edged up and pressed his mouth to mine.
Soft and sure.
A promise.
He stood, those eyes raking over me, a glint lighting from the depths.
My chest tightened and a bubbling of desire sprang from within.
With a soft touch of my jaw, Jud turned and strode for my little girl, his big boots eating up the floor.
So intimidating and fierce.
So tender and sweet.
This destructive charm that had ruined me. Crushed up the places inside me that had hardened to stone when he took Juni’s hand in his and led her into the main room.
I went into the master bathroom and turned on the shower. As soon as it was warm, I stepped into the spray.
I closed my eyes beneath it and lifted my face to the pelting water.
And I believed.
Believed there was something better for my daughter.
Believed there was something better for me.
I let the rivulets whisk over my body and soothe away the storm. Let the warmth settle into my bones.
And I knew I needed to trust Jud with it all. I had to give him every truth and every sorrow. He needed to know the whole of it so he could understand what we were up against.
The fracture cleaved inside me throbbed. That chunk of my soul that would always remain missing. One that could never be filled or healed or restored. But one I could no longer allow to be made in vain.
Resolved, I washed with Jud’s soap, pressed it to my nose, cherished what we’d found, then I rinsed, feeling brand-new when I stepped out and wrapped a towel around my body.