And also… three months since my period.
I try telling myself I’m stressed, I’m scared, my body’s in no mood for reproduction, so of course it makes sense to miss a few cycles.
But in my bones, in my soul, I see that for what it is: bullshit.
I’m pregnant.
I’ve spent the last hour standing in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at my body for evidence. But there are no immediate signs that it’s true. My belly is still flat, my hips still slightly curved. There’s been no bloating or strange acne. Perhaps the only thing to note is that my breasts are sore.
For a little while, I can keep up the lies to myself. But I don’t know how much longer they’ll survive.
When I hear my bedroom door open, I dress quickly in black sweats and a white crop top. I step back into the bedroom, expecting to find Yulia there.
Maybe I’ll tell her. Maybe she’ll reassure me, help me figure out what to do.
Aleks told me not to trust her, but if I don’t trust her, then who the hell else in this house do I have? No one. Nothing.
But it’s not her at all.
It’s him, staring at me with those piercing eyes.
And all I can think is, He knows.
He fucking knows.
“How are you feeling today?” he asks.
I frown. “Did you really come up here to ask me that?”
“You looked sick yesterday.”
“I’m fine.”
He narrows his eyes. “Your color is off.”
I narrow my eyes back at him. “Gee, thanks. Very flattering.”
“Have you thrown up again?”
Lie, screams my inner voice. Lie to him.
“No.”
“One of the maids said she heard noises from the bathroom this morning when she came with breakfast,” he says.
“The maids need to mind their own damn business.”
“Actually, they’re paid to mind my business,” he retorts. “And you are currently my business.”
“You’re an asshole.”
He rolls his eyes. “You’ll get used to it.”
“I want to speak to my brother,” I say, changing the subject. “I haven’t talked to my family in weeks.”
“You know why that is.”
I feel my head spin as another bout of nausea creeps up my throat. My knees buckle, but before I hit the floor, Aleks scoops me up into his arms.
He carries me to the bed and sets me down gently. I expect him to back away immediately and put the distance between us that he seems to crave.
But instead, he kneels down in front of me. He runs his hand over my forehead and frowns.
“You’re clammy.”
I jerk away from his touch. “I’m fine.”
“Stop fighting me all the damn time. I’m trying to take care of you, for fuck’s sake.”
“I won’t ever stop fighting. Not until you realize you don’t own me.”
“Then you’re going to be really tired.”
I glare at him, but I’m still too dizzy to come up with a proper comeback.
Aleks stares back and then, to my surprise, something in his expression cracks. “Believe it or not,” he murmurs, “I’m not the enemy.”
In spite of myself, my hands twitch with the urge to reach out and touch him. It wouldn’t take much. Just a few inches to cup his face. I could press a kiss to his cheek. He looks so exhausted suddenly. Like he’s been waging a vicious battle for decades and it’s cost him everything he ever had.
“You may not have done what my brother thinks you did,” I say. “But you’re still keeping me here. Why not just tell him the truth?”
“Because he won’t listen.”
“He’s my brother,” I protest. “He’ll listen to me.”
“Even if that were true, you’re in no fit state for any kind of intense conversation. We can revisit this idea when you’re better.”
His eyes are so hypnotizing that I find myself leaning in. “And… and you’ll let me speak to my family?”
“Maybe.”
“Will I be able to see them, too?” I ask hopefully.
He looks skeptical, but he doesn’t say no, either.
“If I can just sit with him and explain,” I add, barreling through before he can reject the idea outright, “I know I can make him understand. He’ll drop the case, Aleks. I know he will.”
“He doesn’t have the power anymore,” he informs me. “He was reassigned.”
I stare at him. At his unsettling good looks and his raw power. It feels strange, these opposing feelings taking up equal space inside me. I want to run from him, but at the same time, I want to stay.
I want to be with him, but I also want to hide away in my old life.
I want to be brave, but I’m scared.
“Then why am I still here?” I ask. “You don’t need me anymore.”
“It’s… complicated,” he says vaguely. “But I need you to trust that I’m doing this to protect you.”
“Protect me from what? From who?”
“From the person who’s trying to frame me for his crimes. If he wants to hurt me, that means he could try to hurt you, too.”
“But we’re not really married. I’m not your real wife. I’m nothing to you.”
“He doesn’t know that.”
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. My heart is pounding hard. I thought Aleks was what I had to fear.
Looks like my nightmares are only just getting started.
“How long will this take, Aleks? When will I have my freedom back?”
He meets my eyes. “When he’s taken care of. When I’m sure you’ll be safe.”
That’s no timeline. None at all.
But somehow, I’m not focused on that. I’m focused on his last few words. Words that suggest I’m more to him than just a tool he was planning on discarding once he was done with me.
“Does it matter to you that I’m safe?”
I don’t expect him to answer, but he does. “Yes,” he whispers. “More than I know how to say.”
My heart is thudding hard. I can feel it over every inch of my body, in my scalp, in the soles of my feet.
“Aleks?” I whisper. My voice shakes with nerves.
“Yes, kiska?”
“What do you feel for me?”
There’s one fraction of a second where it seems like he might actually answer the question. His eyes soften and his lips part and the words are right on his lips. I feel everything or I don’t feel a damn thing, I’m not sure. I’m also not sure which of those two I’d rather hear.
But at least it would be something. At least it would put an end to this infinite torture.
Then his jaw slams shut and the moment disappears. Swallowed up by the anger and trauma that fuels him.
And I feel like a fool for ever thinking it could be different.
His gaze steels over again, then flickers away from me. Aleks gets to his feet.
“Rest up,” he says softly. “I’m leaving on business now. I’ll send the doctor around in a few hours to check on you.”
“Aleks, wait—”
He doesn’t stop. He marches out of the room and shuts the door hard, leaving me with nothing but the silence pounding in my ears.