“I doubt I’ll laugh, but fine, make me feel better about it.”
“Jack in the box.”
My shoulders shake with laughter. “Like, the fast-food chain?”
“Oh my god, no, like the old toy from like the fifties where you turn the crank and the thing pops out and scares you. I swear, I don’t understand why you would even get children that creepy thing.”
"Okay, I admit those things are weird. I think my grandma had one when she was younger and she kept it as like an heirloom or some shit, except none of us would ever touch it when we came over.”
“See!” she exclaims, laughing. “At least I’m not the only one. I feel better now.”
I rub my thumb along her hand in soft, gentle circles. We both peer out into the distance, comfortable just being… being together, in each other’s presence, not in any rush to let the moment pass us by. I can say it’s the first time in my life I’ve ever felt so connected with a woman, so effortlessly.
“What scares you the most?”
I mull over my answer before responding. My fears weren’t all stereotypical, like heights or spiders, most of them were internal fears that I continued to battle going forward each day. A direct result of the past few years of my life.
“Failure. Loving someone with everything I have only for them to betray me,” I whisper.
I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to love anyone and give them all of me again. Not after everything I’ve endured. I don’t know if I have it in me to ever fully trust another person.
I hate it. I hate that they did this to me, made me so unwilling to trust anyone because I’d been hurt so badly.
“Trust is hard. Been there, done that,” she says, “Remember that problem I didn’t want to talk about?”
I nod.
“My best friend and I got into a fight over something that turned into something much bigger, and things were said that can’t be taken back, and it hurts. All of it hurts, even though it was only said in anger. You can’t unsay things, even if they were only said because you were hurt,” she says quietly, her eyes taking on sadness.
“Doesn’t make it hurt any less, the reasoning behind it. I get it. I’ve… hurt a lot of people in my life recently, and even though I had a legitimate reason for acting the way that I did, it didn’t make it hurt them any less. And now I live with the guilt of it. Of all the shit I fucked up in the process of dealing with my own pain.”
Maddison reaches out and places her hand on mine, her thumb rubbing a light circle on my hand. There’s something real and raw about this moment. It feels like the first real, genuine conversation I’ve had in years.
Her gaze holds mine and something electric passes between us. Something tangible. A burst of energy tethering us together in this moment.
“Life isn’t black or white, Briggs, sometimes the edges aren’t rounded, and sometimes you have to let those sharp edges pierce you in order to heal and be better than you were before,” she says quietly.
Seven
I replay her words over and over in my head, letting them sink in.
“I know we kind of said that we weren’t going to talk about our problems, but I don’t know, after this weekend, I feel like I could tell you anything. Honestly, more than a lot of the people in my life. If you want to talk, then…I’m here for you too,” she says softly, her eyes softening when our gaze meets.
I give her a small smile. “Only if you tell me yours.”
Sighing heavily, she nods. “Okay.” She turns toward me, drawing her knees up to her chest, and begins, “Tyler is my best friend. We grew up and did everything together. I mean everything. I can’t remember a childhood memory that doesn’t have Ty in it. Our summers were spent out here at Grams and Gramps, on this very lake. When college started, we went together. Our dorm rooms were across campus from each other, but we each saved up from our part-time jobs and eventually moved in together.”
I bristle at the thought of her having something more with this guy and then I realize how fucking stupid that is. I have no right, but it doesn’t tamper the flare of jealousy that sparks inside me. I don’t even know where she’s from or her last name; it’s a fling, but it doesn’t stop that feeling.
She rolls her bottom lip between her teeth, gazing out to the distance. “Everyone always assumed we would end up together. You know, actually together, but it was never like that for us. Neither of us ever had any feelings that were anything other than platonic.” She pauses, looking back at me. “The other night, we got in a silly, stupid fight. He was angry about…something with my job. Something that he doesn’t agree with, and we both said things that neither of us meant, and once it was over… we couldn’t take those things back. It was too late. They had already pierced my heart and I couldn’t just forget that they'd been said. I’ve just been struggling with things, to find our friendship again, to find us, despite what was said.” She wipes away a tear that’s fallen. “I mean, he knows me better than anyone. He knows my character, and who I am. I just thought he’d support me no matter what.”
Tears well in her eyes. “He’s like a brother to me and I love him, and I know he would never hurt me, he just is very… opinionated on things, and he lashed out at me when he was angry.”
“Come ‘ere,” I say, pulling her into my arms. Her small frame fits against my chest as she slides into my lap and sinks into my embrace. She sniffles, and I feel bad for even bringing up the deep shit in the first place.
“We apologized and said we were going to move forward but… It hurt me and I’m having a hard time forgetting it happened. I just… I wish that he would’ve never said the things that he did.”
I nod. “I understand. You have every right to be hurt, but also things get said whenever people are angry. Trust me, I’ve done my fair share of it. Everyone is worthy of forgiveness. It sounds like you two love each other, and that means no matter what, you’ll work through it.”
Her tear-filled eyes meet mine and we share a look, one that I feel in the pit of my stomach, then she leans forward and kisses me sweetly. “Thank you, Briggs. That’s great advice.”
Part of me is curious what problem her friend would have with her job, but we agreed to be strangers, and I don't want to take advantage of her vulnerability with my questions, so I choose something lighter.
“Are you a spy?” I ask. “Because it seems like you might be and I just want you to know, I’m good with a Mr. and Mrs. Smith kinda thing. It’s kinda hot,” I say to lighten the mood.
She throws her head back and laughs. “Not quite. Nothing so scandalous, Romeo. Now it’s your turn. I bared my truth.”
Hell, I’m not ready for this conversation. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for it. The same familiar pain flares inside me, but I tamper it down.
Even though it physically pains me to utter the words out loud, I do, and I think Maddison has everything to do with it. “I walked in on my brother having sex with my fiancé, in our bed.”
Maddison completely stills in my arms and lets out a strangled gasp as soon as the words leave my mouth.