“That is a terrible analogy, Briggs.”
He shrugs and laughs, deep and low, “Yeah, but it’s true. He’s a good kid, works harder than anyone I know to be better at hockey. Trying constantly to improve. I respect it. I mean, he’s going to hit on anything with two legs, but mostly, we just ignore that.
“That, I can see.” I laugh. “It was nice of them… you know…to come here and help out. Graham seems enamored with Olive.”
“Trust me, he is. Better someone else’s kid than his own. That’s the last thing he needs.”
I swallow thickly. “I used to say that too. But, I wouldn’t trade Olive for anything.”
“Me either. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Sincerity shines in his eyes as he speaks, and it causes my already pounding heart to feel like it might come out of my chest.
We finish our meal in comfortable silence. After dinner, Briggs clears the table for me, just as my breasts begin to ache, signaling it’s time to pump or to feed Olive. I glance at the clock and realize it’s time for her feeding.
“I’m going to feed Olive before I head to bed. If it’s fine with you, I’m going to feed her in here,” I say, nodding toward the couch.
“Of course. Our daughter’s hungry, she needs to eat.” His eyes hold mine and he steps closer, brushing his fingers lightly over the pink of Olive’s cheeks. “Don’t ever feel you have to hide it from me unless it makes you feel uncomfortable.”
Why do emotions suddenly clog my throat? I don’t know. I know that the close proximity of Briggs has my heart racing a mile a minute, and when he throws in his charm and ridiculously sweet, attentive words, I feel like putty in his hands.
I clear my throat. “Thank you. I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable.”
He tidies up the kitchen while I situate both myself and Olive on the couch, placing her Boppy underneath her, and sliding my tank top up to begin our nightly feeding routine. She’s fussy and eating her little fists because she’s hungry.
“I’m sorry my sweet Olive. Mama had to eat something too.” Guiding her toward my full breast, she latches on easily and begins to suckle.
Watching her eat, I’m in complete awe. It’s hard to believe that she’s so beautiful, and that Briggs and I were able to create this perfect, tiny little baby. I feel eyes on me and look up to see Briggs leaning against the wall opposite of us, with his arms folded over his chest. The thick, corded muscles of his forearms peeking out the sleeves of his faded black t-shirt.
“I know I probably look so much different… you know then back then.” My cheeks heat in embarrassment saying it, but I feel like I should probably put that out there. “I’m pretty much walking around with two-day old hair, leaky boobs… more stretch marks than ever. You sure you wanna be here with me and not out with some super hot model?”
Briggs shakes his head and walks over to where I’m sitting next to Olive, squatting down in front of us. “Do you have any idea how in awe I am of you? How fucking strong and beautiful, I think you are? I know, co-parenting, but… don’t ever talk about yourself like that again Maddison.”
His eyes are full of heat, and I swallow thickly at the intensity of the moment.
“You’re feeding my daughter, and it’s the best thing in the entire world. I think you are amazing and there is nowhere else I’d rather be. Nowhere. Know that.”
He reaches out and rubs his thumb along Olive’s cheek and smiles, the most beautiful, blinding smile that takes my breath away. Even when it shouldn’t. Resisting him, and his charm, will be the thing that’s the hardest, I already know that and I have since the day he walked back into our lives.
“Thank you, for being here.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I’ll always be here. The season’s ending soon, so I’ll have more time on my hands, more time to spend with Olive.”
“That’ll be good. I took the semester off, but I uh, I have some work that I do online for a news station, so I’ll try and take care of that when you are here.”
“I can come over in the mornings before practice, or after,” he says.
I nod. “If you want… the couch is always open, I mean, totally up to you. I just, it keeps from you having to go back and forth so much, and all of Olive’s things are here.”
Offering the couch up seems like something small… but for us? It’s a giant step. Together.
Seventeen
The next few weeks pass so quickly, it feels like I blinked, and Olive is this bright-eyed, babbling girl who has me completely and utterly wrapped around her finger. She’s growing so fast that I’m afraid to look away, even for a second, in fear that I’ll miss something.
For so long, hockey has been my life. It’s been the center of my universe. I lived and breathed the ice. Everything I did was with my career in mind. Now, Olive is my life. Plain and simple, she’s the reason my heart beats. My entire world.
“Jesus Christ, why is this so complicated,” I mutter, trying to button the bottom, or hell, maybe it’s the side, who even knows at this point, of Olive’s outfit. There should not be this many buttons on an outfit for a baby.
“Shit.”
Damnit. I can’t curse in front of Olive. Even if she can’t understand yet.
I pick her up gently, then cuddle her against my chest and murmur, “I’m sorry, baby girl, Daddy’s so sorry. Don’t say that word, okay? I don’t want your mom to think I’m a bad influence.”
She babbles happily, offering me the cutest baby grin ever, even if I am biased, and I glance back down at her outfit.
“There has to be an easier way to get this thing on. Has to be.”
I’m still grumbling to myself when Maddison walks in the room and laughs out loud when she sees me struggling. Her cheeks are flushed red, her face free of any makeup, and her hair is curled down her back. She looks so beautiful, it takes my breath away, every single time I see her. I’ve spent more nights on her springy couch in the last six weeks than I have in my own bed, seeing her still makes me ache to have her in my arms again.
True to our agreement, we’ve both kept our distance, and things have been strictly platonic between us.
Even though we’ve never crossed back over the line into what we were before, it doesn’t mean my feelings have disappeared.
If anything, they’re stronger than ever. I’m fucking crazy about her.
She’s the most amazing mother. Attentive, patient and selfless with Olive. Motherhood has made her even more beautiful in my eyes, and sometimes I have to walk out of the room just to stop from taking her into my arms and kissing her breathless. Aside from motherhood, I’ve learned how kind and incredibly selfless she is with everyone. She’s strong, resilient, and, somehow, this woman’s smile is the cure to any bad day there is.
“Having trouble?” She smirks. Even though she’s barely over five feet, she bumps me out of the way teasingly and bends down, talking to Olive in her mama voice as I like to call it.
“Did Daddy put this on wrong, my Olive girl?” She giggles and unsnaps the contraption. “He’s so silly huh? Daddy is so silly.”