Dozens… no, maybe hundreds of emails addressed to The Puck Bunny.
What the fuck?
Surely, I’m reading this wrong. There is no fucking way that Maddison is… The Puck Bunny.
My mind immediately flits to the last time I read something from The Puck Bunny, and I realize it’s been months. With Olive and everything going on with Maddison, I honestly hadn’t really thought about the fact that she’s gone silent. I assumed it was because I wasn’t giving her things to report about and because it was the off-season but…Is it because it’s Maddison?
The timing… No.
There’s no fucking way; I refuse to believe that.
Now that I’ve seen this, though, my mind continues to race, playing all scenarios out in my head, connecting things that may not even be there.
Maddison is studying journalism. That’s what she wants to do as her career. Is it really that far fucking fetched to think that she couldn’t be The Puck Bunny?
That would mean that she lied and that from the very first day that she met me, she knew who I was. She had written about me for… years. What. The. Fuck?
I open one of the emails with the subject line “TIP.” It’s an email from someone sending an anonymous tip about a center from the Bears.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I swallow, trying to process everything I’m reading, but with my heart pounding against my ribs, my pulse sounding in my ears, I can’t focus.
“Briggs?” Maddison’s voice startles me. She’s standing in front of me, her hair still dripping from the shower, wrapped in a white towel, looking at me with wide eyes.
“Tell me this is some sick fucking joke, Maddison.”
She rushes over, and I stand abruptly, putting my hand up, halting her.
I can’t.
Not after reading this. Not after what I think I just discovered.
“Tell me, Maddison. Fucking tell me right now that you aren’t… The Puck Bunny. Say it.”
I need to hear it from her mouth…that what I’m seeing is bullshit.
Squeezing her eyes shut, she wipes away a tear. “I can’t tell you that. I won’t tell you that because I won’t lie to you, Briggs.”
The floor seems to open up beneath me, preparing to swallow me whole. I thought I knew pain, I thought I knew what real, true heartbreak was. I thought I knew how deeply betrayal scarred your flesh. Until now.
Now I realize how utterly fucking wrong I was.
My fingers bite into the flesh of my palms as I fist them. I shake my head, trying to clear it, but fail, anger seeping its way into my flesh.
“That’s rich considering you’ve been lying to me the entire time I’ve known you. After everything…how? How could you do this, Maddison? Fuck, how could you lie next to me at night and keep this shit from me? Is this the real you? The girl who tries to fucking ruin everyone just for her benefit.” My heart feels split wide open in my chest. I scoff. “Was this even fucking real? Us? Or was I just a way to get information, the inside scoop on the NHL? Fuck, you almost broke up Liam and Juliet’s marriage. You made rock bottom even lower for me.”
My chest feels tight, my head swimming with emotions I never thought I’d endure again. Heartache. Betrayal.
Taking a step forward, she reaches for me, but I take a step back, maintaining the space between us.
That seems to trigger her realization, that I am fucking done. She covers her mouth as tears begin to stream down her face.
“No, oh God, no, of course this was real. Briggs, please, just listen to me. I-… I-, I tried to tell you so many times. I just didn’t want to hurt you, didn’t want this to happen. Not like this. I planned to tell you this weekend,” she pleads, still trying to step closer, but I continue to back away.
I can’t be close to her, not right now, not with how fucking hurt I am. How goddamn angry I am. She finally seems to understand that what I need is to know the truth, so she sits on the bed, clutching the towel around her, her eyes red and puffy from her already shed tears.
“I never expected to see you again, not after that night. When I found out I was pregnant, regardless of what my job was, I knew that I had to contact you. And then everything that happened with Conrad… I didn’t ever expect to even hear from you again. Not after the paperwork, the letter, and you signing away your rights. Then, I ran into you.” She swallows, her green eyes holding mine as she speaks, “And… At first, I figured that we were only co-parenting, and that bringing it up would only drag up the past, and I didn’t want to rock the boat. I didn’t want to tell anyone, Briggs, and that’s why I didn’t for so long. The Puck Bunny was supposed to be anonymous, it was supposed to always be anonymous. But then things started to change. Briggs, I never expected to fall for you, I tried so hard… And I knew once we started dating that I had to tell you, and I planned to. God, I wanted to so many times, I just couldn’t, not knowing that it would be hurting you. I told myself it was never the right time, but I was terrified.” She pauses, sucking in a breath, her chest heaving as she tries to calm herself. “I was so terrified you’d hate me and you’d leave, and that you would never forgive me.”
Every single word she speaks is like a deeper slash to my heart. The woman I love more than anything has betrayed me, just like every other fucking person I’ve ever loved.
“When is the right time to hurt the person you love? Never Briggs. It never felt okay to do it, even though I knew I needed to. Briggs, the second that you walked back into our lives, I stopped reporting on your personal life. On anyone’s personal life, really.”
I scoff. “Oh so that makes it better? That you didn’t spend the last three years reporting on every goddamn fuckup that I did. Fuck, I can’t even believe this.”
I drag my hand down my face, in utter disbelief that this is even happening. Never once did this cross my mind, I mean the fucking Puck Bunny?
“It was a job, Briggs. I never set out to hurt you or anyone in any way, all I was doing was reporting the news, just like every other outlet. How do you think I paid for school? Supported Olive and me through my pregnancy when I was alone? I had to rely on it.”
My gaze lifts back to hers. “You have no idea what I fucking went through, Maddison. I lost endorsements, I almost lost my hockey career, I lost my family. And every single bit of it was plastered on your page for views. You singled me out during the lowest point of my life and fucking made everything so much worse.”
“Briggs-” she starts.
“Don’t. I can’t be here right now. I can’t do this.” I know with what I’m feeling, I need to put space between Madison and me. “To be clear, no matter what happens between you and me… I will never leave my daughter. I’m walking out of this room right now because I honestly can’t even look at you, but I’m not leaving Olive.”
Even as angry as I am, seeing Maddison cry kills me. It physically pains me to see her tears, but right now, I can’t even stand being here another second.
I don’t even know where to go, but right now, I have to get out of this room before I say something that I can’t take back.
“I just want you to know that I’m sorry, and I love you no matter what. Even though you’re angry at me… I never meant to hurt you, Briggs. I would’ve never reported what I did, had I known that it was hurting you the way that it was. Please, forgive me. I’m so sorry, I-I.” She’s sputtering, and it takes everything inside me not to fall apart with her.