“Was that Cal?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“Where is he?” Somehow, I knew he wasn’t in Calamity. I hadn’t driven past the motel to seek him out. I hadn’t stopped by the Winnebago. But since the barbeque last weekend, I’d just had this sense that he was gone.
“Denver.”
“Ah. Why?” A month ago, a week ago, I would have pretended not to care. But what was the point in faking it anymore? Wrestling with my feelings for Cal had zapped my energy, and I just didn’t have the strength to hide my curiosity. The unknown was killing me, and either Pierce told me what was going on, or I’d crack and call Cal myself.
“There’s a fundraiser at Benton tomorrow. A dinner for the alumni. My parents go every year. It’s something the school has done for a while now to raise money, mostly for building improvements. Some is allocated to the scholarship programs.”
Cal had told me about the fundraiser, the one his father had volunteered him to attend. But he’d told his mom on the phone that day he wasn’t going. He’d been adamant.
“They asked him to speak,” Pierce said.
“And he agreed?” When had he changed his mind? And why?
“His mother guilted him into it.” Pierce sighed. “And I get the impression he was in a rush to leave Calamity.”
Because of me.
Had he been as miserable as I’d been? Had he spent a week of sleepless nights trying to figure out what to do? Trying to decide just how far he’d let myself bleed before wrapping the wounds and walking away?
“Want to talk about what’s been going on with you two?” Pierce asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“How long has it been going on?”
“Since the AFC Championship game we went to in Charlotte.”
Pierce’s eyes widened. “That was years ago.”
“Four. So yeah, it’s been going on for a while.” I pulled out the chair opposite his desk and plopped into the seat, sagging beneath the weight on my heart. “It was nothing.”
“Then it was everything,” Pierce said.
I nodded. “Yes.”
As the years had passed, Cal had become this constant. Mostly an annoyance, but he’d been my refuge too. Our casual, sex-only relationship had blossomed so slowly I hadn’t even realized how entangled we’d become. No surprise the few men I’d dated in Denver had barely lasted a week. It was hard to date someone when you cringed as they moved in to kiss you. When you looked at their face and saw someone else.
And the fucking worst part was, I hadn’t even realized it. I’d been a blind fool.
No one compared to Cal.
Four years of lying to myself. Four years of brushing him aside. Four years of hate that hadn’t really been hate.
God, I loved him.
“Why won’t he let me in?” I whispered.
“Because he’s scared.”
“H-he told you that?” Had they talked about me?
“He didn’t have to.” Pierce gave me a sad smile. “I know Cal. He might give that tough show, but inside, he’s just the man who wants to be loved for something other than his talent on the football field.”
“He doesn’t make it easy.”
Pierce laughed. “You don’t exactly make it easy either, Nellie.”
Well . . . damn. He wasn’t wrong. “Fair point. Is he coming back?”
“I don’t know. He hasn’t told me much. But if I had to guess, I’d say no. He moved out of the Winnebago.”
“He did? What about his ranch?”
Pierce shrugged. “No idea. He might sell the land.”
So that was it. Cal was gone. Wasn’t that what I’d wanted? To claim Calamity as my own? My stomach twisted and churned. I hadn’t been able to eat much this week because my insides had raged like a hurricane.
He was gone.
Just when I finally realized that I loved him, he’d left. Damn that man.
Maybe it was for the best. We would never work. Our communication skills were abysmal at best. We’d fight daily. We’d drive each other mad.
Besides, he’d had his chance to tell me how he felt. Instead, he’d let me do all the talking. He’d let me walk away and told me to hate him.
“Nellie?”
My gaze whipped to Pierce as a tear streaked down my face. “I’d better get back to work.”
I shot out of the chair and rushed from his office, practically jogging down the hallway for the restroom. Darkness blocked out the world as the door closed behind me.
Cal was gone.
The smart, self-preserving thing to do would be to let him go. We might burn as hot and bright as a blue flame, but eventually, we’d turn to ash. There’d be nothing left but the charred remains of two hearts.
My hand came to my chest, pressing against the ache. This pain would dull. The hurt would pass. In time, I’d forget all about Cal Stark.
We had to let each other go.
And he’d already done his part, hadn’t he? He’d walked away.
The door jarred open, slamming into my back. I’d forgotten to flip the lock.
“Oh. Shoot. Nellie?” Kathryn held up both hands. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize anyone was in here.”
“It’s fine,” I said as she pulled the door closed. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
I gave myself three aching heartbeats in the darkness before flipping on the lights and wiping the mascara smudges from beneath my eyes.
“Why am I crying?” I asked myself in the mirror. It was done. Over.
He’d walked away from Calamity. He’d walked away from me.
More tears welled, so I swiped for a paper towel to blot them dry. But they wouldn’t stop. No matter how many deep breaths I took, no matter how fast I blinked, the tears kept coming. Damn it.
We had a staff meeting in thirty minutes. The whole office would know I’d been crying.
Was this what heartbreak felt like? I’d never had my heart broken before. I’d never let anyone in who’d had that kind of power.
Until Cal.
And I hadn’t really let him in, had I? I’d told him he was a coward. But so was I. All those times he’d asked me what I hated about him, I’d ignored the obvious. It had been right there in front of my face.
Tell me what you hate about me.
Cal hadn’t been asking why I hated him. He’d been asking if I wanted him anyway. If I could let go of the past, the mistakes and the hurt, and just . . . love him.
“Shit.” I sniffled and let out a dry laugh as I buried my face in my hands. “I’m an idiot.”
How was I supposed to fix this if he wasn’t coming back to Calamity?
“Ugh.” My groan echoed through the bathroom.
Maybe he’d reject me. Maybe we’d kill each other. But if I didn’t try, I’d never forgive myself. I’d spend the rest of my life wondering what if.
So I hurried from the bathroom, marching down the hallway to Pierce’s office.
His eyes snapped up from his monitor as I burst through the doorway. “What’s wrong?”
“I need a favor. It’s a big one.”
A slow grin spread across his mouth. “I’ll call my pilot.”