That’s what I’d always done, and it was how I’d ended up here. Time to shake up my life.
Jerry’s door was still open, and I walked into his office without knocking. He glanced up briefly and then looked back at his computer screen. “What?”
If he’d been even a little bit courteous or human in that moment, I might have reconsidered. Instead I screwed up all my courage, repeated the word happy as an internal mantra, and then said, “I’m giving you my two weeks’ notice.”
That got his attention. He said, “What?” for a second time, as if he hadn’t heard me.
So I repeated, “I’m giving you my two weeks’ notice.”
There. It was out in the world. There was no taking it back now.
I envisioned the next few minutes in my head. He would ask me why I was quitting, and I would get to tell him about all the awful things he’d done, how much he’d undervalued me as an employee these last four years, and how Catalina was right—I did deserve better. I queued up all my potential responses in my mind, ready to go.
Jerry leaned back in his chair, studying me. Like I was a butterfly he’d pinned to a board, still trying to flap my wings while being stuck in place. “Well, I don’t think there’s any reason to prolong this. If you’re quitting, you can clear out your desk today.”
Now I was the one saying, “What?” This felt too sudden. I mean, quitting spur-of-the-moment was definitely high on the spontaneous scale, but I thought I’d have time to ease into my new, brighter life. Look for another job while still holding on to this one.
I also thought I would get the chance to finally （FINALLY） speak my mind but was so flustered by his words that I couldn’t think of anything to say.
“Give me your badge and pack up your things,” he said, emphasizing the first sound of each word. He went back to his computer, as if I didn’t matter to him at all. “I hope you’re not expecting to get a reference.”
I’d expect to solo a trek up Mount Everest before I’d expect a reference from this terrible man. I unclipped my badge from my front pocket and put it on his desk. Realizing that my moment to speak up had come and gone, I went back to my workstation. My ex-workstation, I mentally corrected myself.
I didn’t work here anymore.
Packing up the few things I had in my desk drawers took a surprisingly short amount of time. I was on autopilot, and then Catalina was there, asking me questions, but there was just this buzzing noise in my ears and I couldn’t really make out any distinct sounds. I grabbed the box of products she’d wanted me to try. I could still help with that.
“Anna, what happened?” Her words were finally clear.
“He told me to go home. To not wait the two weeks and be done today,” I said, for both my benefit and hers. So she would know, so I would register what had happened. My voice sounded muffled to me.
Then Daniel, the security guard, was there with a very apologetic look on his face. I shouldn’t have been surprised that Jerry would call security on me, but I was.
“I’m sorry about this, Anna,” he said. “I have to escort you from the property.”
“Right. I get it.” He was only doing his job. Something I was no longer going to be doing.
I was unemployed.
Catalina asked, “Are you okay?”
“Yes. I’ll call you later,” I told her. For some reason, it was right then I realized that I wasn’t just quitting Minx Cosmetics—I was also leaving Catalina. Tears filled my eyes. “I’m not going to see you every day!”
“We will talk and text every day, just like we do now. And when you start your own successful business, you can hire me. I’ll be your right-hand woman.”
If I’d been able to laugh, I would have. That was such a pipe dream. One that I wanted but lacked the ability to turn into reality.
“Anna, we do have to go,” Daniel said, still sounding very sorry.
“Okay.” I didn’t want him to get in trouble. I hugged Catalina. “We’ll talk soon.”
“Definitely.”
I felt the stare of every other chemist in the room as I walked out for the final time. My throat was hot and tight. I would not cry in front of all these people. The least I could do was not give Jerry the satisfaction of making me break down in the middle of the lab.
Daniel walked me all the way down to the parking lot, opening all the locked doors in the building for me with his badge.
“You’ll find something else,” he said when we reached my car. “Take care, okay?”
I nodded, still not trusting myself to speak yet. When he went back into the lobby, I unlocked my car and put the box into the passenger seat. I headed over to my side and climbed in, locking the door behind me.
What did I just do? What did I do?
This was so unlike me. I was not impulsive! I had never quit a job before. Granted, this was the only real job I’d ever had, but until today, I hadn’t ever quit it!
As the adrenaline and shock started to wear off, I leaned my forehead against the steering wheel. My hands were still trembling as I wondered whether I’d made a huge mistake. I seriously considered running back inside and telling Jerry I didn’t mean it. That I had overreacted and would do anything to get my job back. Even take a pay cut if I had to. Although I didn’t know how they could pay me any less—I was pretty sure I made the least out of all the other chemists, including the recent hires. I’d never even had a raise in the whole time I’d been there.
And I hadn’t been brave enough to speak up, to advocate for myself. Look where that had gotten me.
No, I was right to quit. I had to go home and figure out my next steps. I started the car and put it into gear, backing slowly out of my spot. I had a quick revenge fantasy of reversing my car into Jerry’s BMW, but I refrained.
I was almost out of the parking lot when I slammed my brakes so hard, I was surprised I didn’t make the car flip completely over.
In all of this, I’d forgotten one very important thing.
What was my grandmother going to say?
I spent several hours running errands to distract myself, going to lunch and trying to time my return home when I knew my grandparents would be gone. In the afternoon, my grandma had office hours at her university, and my grandpa was out with his bird watchers’ club. His menagerie of rescue birds greeted me when I arrived home. Feather Locklear informed me for the millionth time that the “Yankees suck!” but offered no commentary on me being home early. None of the birds would care whether or not I was employed, so long as they were kept flush with birdseed.
My grandma, on the other hand? I was not looking forward to telling her.
I went into my room and was so frustrated and annoyed by everything that had happened that morning that I seriously considered cleaning it. But things had never been quite so bad that I’d felt motivated to pick up my clothes off the floor.
I threw the box with my personal effects onto the floor, and then I collapsed backward onto my bed, my arms akimbo like I was going to make a snow angel. Exhaustion seeped into my brain, crowding out my other thoughts. I figured it was all the out-of-control emotions I’d been experiencing, along with staying up so late last night to read. I’d had some very low lows today, but maybe tonight would turn out differently. The highest of highs. Craig and I dancing at the company party, in front of everyone. I closed my eyes for a second to imagine his arms around me and next thing I knew, it was dark outside.