His family surges forward while I stay behind, watching as he rises from the wheelchair—ignoring the outcry from the soldier pushing him. He hugs his mom, his father, even Six. Sabine and the other two nurses have rushed toward him as well.
I want to stand here and stare at him until I’ve had my fill. I want more than that, but I’d settle simply for the sight of him. Except, my part in this is done. I wanted to know he was safe, and that will have to be enough. I’m not going to make an awkward situation worse.
I take another step backward and look for an exit. It was always my plan to leave once we got news. I just didn’t realize how much it would actually hurt to see him and walk away.
Suddenly, his mother is pointing toward me and his head jerks my way, astonished. His eyes lock with mine, and it makes me so happy and hurts so much at the same time.
I give him a small, pathetic wave, accompanied by a small, pathetic smile. One that says Hi there and I’m glad you’re okay and I get it, this is weird, but I’m playing along.
And then he’s pushing past them, breaking through the crowd to reach me. He stops when he’s a foot away and I’m frozen, uncertain how to be this near him without pressing my face to his chest, without throwing my arms around him. I was right, I guess, when I said it would never work. It still doesn’t work.
“You came all the way here for me,” he says.
I swallow. “Of course I did,” I say roughly, and then there are tears rolling down my face.
“Because you love me.”
I nod. “Yes. But your family—”
He steps closer and reaches toward me. One hand lands on my waist, the other cups my jaw. “And you’re in this for the whole ride, wherever it takes us?”
My eyes widen. “Yes,” I whisper in a choked voice.
In the distance someone shouts What the fuck? But Josh is smiling. The world is falling apart around us and he’s smiling.
“Me too,” he says and then he kisses me. In front of his entire family and all the people in this waiting room, he kisses me like he thought he might never see me again. And then I start to cry once more, because I never dreamed I’d end up with everything I want from this, and I have.
48
JOSH
There’s a time to worry about being diplomatic, about handling everything in exactly the right way. But this isn’t that time. Not after nearly dying and realizing I didn’t want to leave the world without letting her know how I felt.
“I love you,” I tell her. I know I should let her go, stop kissing her long enough to get this all out, but I want too many things at once right now. “I love you so fucking much.”
“I love you too,” she says, sounding like she is laughing and crying at the same time. “And I was so stupid. I didn’t know it was that dangerous and—”
“Not stupid,” I tell her. How could she have known? I went out of my way to make it sound manageable. “I hurt you. I was so freaked out that I didn’t think at all about how it made you feel.”
“I should have given you a chance to explain it,” she says. “This might have escaped your attention, but I’m a little messed up.”
I smile against her mouth. “You hid it so well.” But inside I think Not messed up. Resilient. She’s a tiny fighter and I love that about her. I love everything about her, the bad and the good. I want to tell her this, and tell about that bleak moment when I was certain I was going to die, and she was the only thing in my head. I want to make her a thousand promises and then go somewhere with her alone.
But it’ll have to wait, I guess. I owe a few people apologies, after all.
I hold onto her and turn back to face my family. My dad is at the front door where he—and a security guard—are holding my brother back, while my mother walks toward us.
There were times when I hoped maybe she knew, and was trying to push us together—by insisting on lunch in the hotel Drew was staying in, for instance. But there is pure shock on her face right now. Apparently, she didn’t have a clue.
“Mom,” I tell her, “I’m sorry. I love her. I just couldn’t help it. I’ll work things out with Joel eventually.”
There are tears in her eyes and then she smiles. “That’s okay,” she says, wrapping her arms around us both. “I knew she was meant to be part of our family. We’ll figure it out.”
A small sob comes from Drew and I know my mother’s words have hit her hard. I pull her even closer and press my lips against her hair. Family. I’m going to do my best to give her everything she’s never had before, but I’m glad my mom is still with us to give her this too.
The bullet was removed by a medic in Somalia, but I still have to get my wound checked out before I’m free to leave. My family stays in the lobby, while I wait to be seen in an examining room. I bring Drew with me, of course, because her presence here still feels too good to be true.
I sit on the examination table while she takes the only chair, and we discuss the past day. She tells me about their trip here, about some unfounded rumor that an American had died. I offer her as few details about what happened as I can. I still have to go back, after all. She doesn’t need to know how close I came to not making it out alive.
“You’re sure you’re okay with this?” she finally asks. “I mean, with us.”
I laugh. “Are you really asking me that? I just got everything I wanted, and my mother was fine with it.”
“Your brother isn’t. Sabine wasn’t either.”
My brow furrows. “Sabine? The nurse?”
She grins. “Are you serious? She just ran across the lobby to hug you. She was sitting next to you when I showed up in the canteen. You cannot possibly be surprised by this.”
“Surprised by what? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
She stands up and starts to cross the room and I ward her off. “Drew, you swore you’d remain in your chair.”
She kisses me once, closed mouth, and returns to her seat. “That’s all I wanted. I wasn’t planning to blow you.”
I groan. “I think you have no idea how little it takes to excite me.” I’m wearing scrubs, for God’s sake. This doctor is gonna walk in at any moment and see way more of my anatomy than I’m interested in sharing.
“I’ll talk about my feelings,” she says. “That kills any erection.”
I grin. “Don’t be so certain about that. I’ve been waiting a very long time to hear about your feelings.”
The doctor checks out my shoulder and prescribes some painkillers and a lot of rest, though he’s clearly aware, having seen Drew, that I have no intention of resting. “Do your best, anyway,” he concludes. I’m given scrubs and hospital slippers, and then Drew and I walk out hand-in-hand to find my parents waiting in the lobby. Joel is gone, and it worries me only because I’m sure it worries my mom. At the moment, however, she’s so delighted about Drew and me that nothing can touch her.
My dad suggests we all go to dinner, but my mom looks at our linked fingers and suggests we meet up tomorrow. My father is complaining about this as they walk away—We flew all night to see him—but she waves him off.