“I want to find him. He’s gone to America.”
“Why? What will you say to him?” Vaishali Foi’s voice is defensive.
“He’s my brother. I have to meet him . . . which is why I called. I need your help to get to Los Angeles. I need you to use some of the money in my accounts to get me a ticket and wire some spending money.”
Sophie feels guilty asking for help with something her fois surely do not approve of. She wishes she could do this journey on her own now that she knows how much the adults in her life have done everything for her in the past. But now is not the time to be prideful about her newfound independence. She will have a lifetime to grow into the woman she is meant to be, and she knows that now that such a path has been set before her, she will choose it. But life requires practicality as well, and she would need many shifts at Taj Palace to buy herself a plane ticket to America, and she needs her fois to help get her the money Papa left for her.
Before Vaishali Foi can challenge it, Sharmila Foi jumps in and says, “Of course. We will call our agent and get you a ticket.”
“This seems crazy to go all the way there, no?” Vaishali Foi says. “And last minute, the ticket will be so expensive. Why not send an email or something and arrange a time to meet? Maybe after your wedding.” Her tone is pointed, but also hopeful.
“Vaishali, please,” Sharmila Foi says loudly. “Let her do as she wishes.”
It is rare for Sophie to hear Sharmila Foi stand up to her big sister, and Sophie wishes she could see the look on Vaishali Foi’s face. She is used to giving orders, not receiving them.
“Be practical, yaar,” Vaishali Foi says to her sister. “She is Indian. She cannot just bhangra into America like that. She needs to go through the proper steps: come home, get a visa. Otherwise, they will think she is a terrorist!”
“Hah, this is true,” Sharmila Foi says, clucking her tongue.
“I have a visa,” Sophie says, and her fois go silent.
“How did you manage this?” Vaishali Foi says.
“I didn’t,” Sophie says. “Papa did. He wanted me to start joining him on his business trips, so he got my visas for France, America, and the UK. Bhagwan na nasib huse. I only hope that my trip to America doesn’t force me to use the last visa and end up in England!” Her fois are silent, and Sophie gives them a few moments to absorb the information. “So, the only help I need from you is the plane ticket.”
Sharmila Foi clears her throat. “This is important for her, and she must do it. It is her money to spend as she wishes. And we cannot ignore that somehow Rajiv, or Bhagwan, or whoever, knew she would need these visas, and Rajiv managed to get them before his death. This type of thing is no coincidence,” she says to her older sister.
Vaishali Foi grunts in response, but that is all the affirmation that Sophie needs.
“Thank you,” Sophie says, knowing she is one step closer to finding Vijay.
The mood at Le Canard Volant is somber when Sophie tells Cecile she will be checking out in the morning and heading to Los Angeles. Cecile is rapt with attention as Sophie tells her the full story of Nita and the brother she is now off to find in America.
Cecile looks exhausted after hearing the tale. “That poor thing,” she says of Nita, shaking her head. “I’m sorry that she went through all of that. I’m not sure I would have made it any easier for her if I had known, even though I’d like to think I would have.” She puts her hand on Sophie’s forearm. “Things were so different back then. None of this talk of addiction or mental health. Not the way you young people talk about it now.”
Sophie ponders her words. Even today, she doesn’t hear many of her friends in India speaking of mental health issues. She doesn’t know a single person who goes to see a therapist, or at least, no one who has admitted to it. When she thought her mummy had died as a young girl, there wasn’t any consideration that she would need anything more than what her family could provide to cope with the trauma.
“I don’t think it’s that common to discuss it in India yet. And it would have been worse twenty years ago,” Sophie says.
“Maybe the whole world needs to change.” Cecile sighs. “The truth is that your mother was in so much pain and shouldering it all on her own. But we were all expected to sweep our problems under the rug at that time. Depression, anxiety, addiction, any mental health issues—those weren’t something anyone advertised. Now, I do see it talked about more. I guess that’s something, right? There seems to be more acceptance and less blaming of the person who is going through something.”
Sophie nods. “I have so much to think about. Mostly, I’m just sad that she was so lost. There is so much more I need to learn about addiction, but I just wonder if I could have done something to make her happier than she was—something that would have avoided all this pain for her.”
Cecile shakes her head. “Please don’t put yourself through that. You were a child, and that was your only job back then.”
Sophie hopes that she can file away Cecile’s words and recall them when she revisits these thoughts, as she surely will. Even though she knows Cecile is right, it is hard for Sophie to accept that she had no control over the situation. And she cannot help but wonder if those issues have been passed down to her by Nita.
As if reading her thoughts, Cecile shakes her head. “You are your own person, just as your mother was her own person. I’ve only known you a short while, but I think you’ll always stay in control of your destiny. And when things get tough, like they are for you now, you’ll figure out how to claw your way back home.”
Sophie exhales a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding. “I can’t believe I have made such supportive friends in this short time,” Sophie says. “My mother was lucky to have known you, and I’m lucky to have met you now. You were a link in time that I could never have imagined. Without you, I’d still be searching for her. I’d still be searching for myself, really.”
“Life hardly ever works out,” Cecile says, “but on those rare occasions when it does lead you to the right place, it is a thing of beauty.”
Sophie takes this advice to heart and knows she wants to see this journey as a positive, pivotal point in her life. While she would have loved nothing more than to reunite with Nita, she has found something she could never have expected. A brother. A family member whom she feels a responsibility to even though she’s never met him. She finds herself needing and wanting to take care of someone else instead of constantly looking for someone to take care of her. She is ready to take care of herself and does not expect anyone else to do that for her. She is ready to turn self-reliance into independence because she now understands the difference between the two. She is ready to face what comes next, whatever that may be. And it starts with Vijay.
49
Sophie is grateful that Sharmila Foi has booked her on a direct flight to Los Angeles. She is mentally, emotionally, and physically drained as she boards the plane and embarks on the second international flight in her life, heading toward yet another country and continent to which she has never been and where she does not know a soul. The mobile number Dao had for Simon was out of service, as was the email address for him, so Sophie is armed only with an address in a place called Santa Monica. But Sophie is resolute. She’s worked with less in the past week.