“What?”
“Darling. I can feel her now.” He shudders in my grip. “She’s panicking and…scared.”
“Where is she?” I whisper to him.
Blood trickles down the corner of his mouth. “I don’t know. I can’t tell. It’s like she’s underground or something.”
Buried in the dark. All alone.
Just like I did to Tink when I killed her and dumped her in the lagoon.
You don’t deserve the shadow.
Just a boy abandoned by his mother.
Just a boy.
“Tell us where she is!” Kas yells and punches a Lost Boy, only for another to take his place.
“I swear to fucking god—” Bash swats at one of the smaller fae and the man spills over a barstool.
“Stop,” I yell.
Everyone goes quiet.
“You can take it.” I lick my lips.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Vane asks, but I ignore him.
“I will give my shadow freely.”
“Don’t be…stupid,” Vane says.
“Pan.” Bash shakes his head at me, but it’s too late. I’ve made my decision. What is power if you’re constantly fighting to keep it? What is power if you have no one to share it with?
“I give you my shadow,” I tell Tink. “You give them Darling.” I nod at the twins and Vane. “She remains unharmed.”
Bash, his face sharp with unease, says, “We don’t want the shadow.”
“Which is exactly why you’re the perfect ones for it. Just like Darling and Vane, neither of them wanted it. I spent the better part of my life searching for the shadow, destroying everything I could to possess it.” I glance at Tink. I don’t know if there’s any of the fairy girl I knew all those years ago, but if there is, I need her to hear this.
“I’m sorry, Tinker Bell. I’m sorry we loved each other so much we destroyed one another.”
She falters. For one brief moment, I see the old Tink. My best friend. The first person I got to share Neverland with in any sort of meaningful way.
I loved her back then because I was desperate not to be alone. But it was misplaced. I clung to her because I had no one else. And maybe in a way, we both abused that love because of the things we needed and had no language of how to ask for it.
And then I became the Never King, the wicked, ruthless Never King.
Drenched in darkness.
And I don’t want to be that man anymore.
Not for Darling. Not for Vane. Not even for the twins.
I want to be someone else, even if I don’t know who that is.
I help Vane to the couch, then go to the twins and Tink.
I’m so very tired.
I drop to my knees in front of the fae princes. “Take it.”
“Pan,” Kas starts.
“Take it.”
Bash grits his teeth. “We’re not going to—”
If they are meant to have the shadow, the shadow will go to them. The last test, the last bit of proof I need to know that it was never supposed to be me.
The shadow writhes to the surface. I sense its shape, its weight, the great heaving wave of it as it surges from the throbbing wound in my chest. I purge it like an infection, eyes bulging, watering, body shaking.
It leaves me behind and surges towards the twins, enveloping them in bright, searing light.
The twins drop to all fours.
I can hear the distant chiming of bells as the floorboards rattle against the nails that hold them.
And then…
The darkness subsides and the twins stand up.
And behind them, dark, shimmering wings unfurl.
23
KAS
When I lost my wings, it felt like losing a limb. I had lived my entire life half on the ground and half in the sky, and when I no longer had the ability to meet the clouds, it felt like a giant hole had been carved in the center of me.
I was angry at first. Then vengeful. Then despondent. It got to the point where I could barely look toward the sky because I was envious of the fucking birds.
Eventually I came to bury all of those feelings until my life with wings felt like someone else’s life. Or a dream.
But as I rise to my feet and feel the new weight of my wings returned, I can’t keep the tears from welling in my eyes, all of that old, buried emotion flooding back.
Is this real?
Without thinking about it, my wings spread open and old, forgotten muscles flex across my shoulders, down my back.
The firelight catches my wings and they glitter with iridescence, like the dark, shimmering rainbow of mermaid’s scales.
I look over at my twin. Wings are spreading open from his back too. Bash has never been the type to show emotion other than arrogance and excitement, but his eyes are wet in the light.
How is this possible? he asks me.
I have no fucking clue, I answer.
The Neverland Shadow never gave Pan wings, but he often told me the shadows can react differently for different people.
It’s not out of the question that the shadow would have the power to return something to its natural state.
In front of us, our mother glows with pride as she claps her hands together. “My boys,” she says. “Restored to your former glory. You always looked so handsome with your wings.”
“Tell us where Darling is.”
“There will be plenty of time for that.” Tink comes over, arms spread like she wants a fucking hug, like she didn’t kidnap our girl and hide her from us and force Pan to give up his shadow for her.
“Don’t fucking touch me,” I warn her and she comes to a stop, the triumph fading from her bright face. “Where is Darling?”
Tink’s nostrils flare and her wings flutter faster. “What is it with Darling girls that makes all of you little shits lose your fucking minds?”
“Find her,” Pan tells Vane. “Take the twins with you.”
“Stop them!” Tink yells and the Lost Boys and the fae spring into action and mayhem ensues.
24
WINNIE
I jolt back to reality when pain echoes through the shadow’s connection.
I blink into darkness and for a second, I think I must be dead. I can feel my hands, my feet, I can wiggle my toes, but I can’t see anything and it’s so cold and still.
Think back to the last thing you remember…
The shadow whispers, The fairy trapped us.
Right. I’m buried in a box. And Tink must have created an illusion to make me think I was safe with the boys.
I’m going to murder her.
Just as soon as I get out of this box.
“Help!” I yell and beat on the lid. It’s so quiet, my ears ring from the sound of my own voice. “Can anyone hear me?”
Vane must know I’m in trouble, but if he’s in pain…
I have to get out. I have to save them.
Okay, think, Winnie. This is a game and you just have to figure out how to win. Except I’m buried in a box and I have no tools with me.
“Now would be a really great time for you to do something,” I mutter to the shadow.
It says nothing.
I bang some more until the heels of my hands ache and I’m pretty sure they’re bleeding.
But then, quietly, in the distance, the sound of earth moving.
“I’m down here!” I yell.
The ambient sound grows louder, the less earth that covers me. It must be one of the boys. They must have found me, maybe with Vane’s help and…