The more that time stretches on, the less confidence I have. But really, if Peter Pan dies, I win. If he lives on, then he’ll thank me for helping him and I win again.
I find a spot along the wood’s edge where a tree has fallen, the thick trunk nestled perfectly in the sand and the moss.
I get comfortable, peanuts in hand, and wait.
28
BALDER
Then
The wolf watches as the Mother crosses the beach, a giant, curled leaf in one hand, a squalling baby in the other.
He is a troublesome boy, restless and hard to please.
The sand squeaks beneath her bare feet as she makes her way to the water’s edge. The lagoon comes to life with a bright shimmer of light as if to welcome her.
The Mother smiles first at the water, then turns up to the sky where she smiles at the darkness and the pinpricks of light that dot it.
The baby wails. The Mother frowns down at him.
She places the leaf on the water’s gentle surface, then lays the baby down. The leaf sinks with his weight and the baby cries louder as the water sloshes in.
“I’m sorry,” she tells him and then gives him a push. The water carries him away.
She waits there, watching him, and then finally calls out, “I can hear you breathing, brother.”
The wolf rises to all fours and trots out from the underbrush.
The Mother is still watching the boy, the spirits of the lagoon turning him in a circle, and his cries fade into laughter.
“Am I making a mistake?” the Mother asks the wolf.
The wolf has no words to match hers, but he can speak to her mind.
You cannot save one to sacrifice them all.
She nods, folding her arms over her middle. She’s wearing a dress of a fabric finer than silk. It glitters with the barest shift in light.
The leaf turns again and the baby raises his arms, reaching for the stars.
“I wanted to give him a home,” the Mother says.
He’ll have one someday.
“Not if he lets his ego get in the way.”
The wolf chuckles.
The lagoon grows choppy. The leaf tetters. The Mother inhales.
And then the baby rolls and sinks below the surface.
“No!” the Mother yells and she races back to the water, but the wolf stops her, a length of her dress caught in his teeth. “I have to save him! I should have known better. He needs his Mother. He’ll drown if he—”
Just wait, the wolf says. The lagoon will give him what he needs.
A boy breaks through the surface, gasping for air.
The Mother and the wolf hurry to the forest, finding cover in the shadows as the boy swims to shore. He’s aged by years in a matter of seconds.
A breath catches in the Mother’s throat.
“He’s beautiful,” she whispers.
Like his Mother, the wolf says.
The boy looks around and when his gaze finds their spot amongst the forest, they duck out of sight.
“I should go,” the Mother says. “If he sees me, I fear I will never leave him.” She circles her arm around the wolf’s neck. “Watch over him for me, brother?”
As much as I can, the wolf answers.
“You watch from the earth,” she says. “And I will watch from above.”
The wolf nods and the Mother flies off, returning to her place in the sky.
She’s easy to spot if you just look up.
She’s the brightest shining light in the dark. The second star on the right.
29
ROC
I’m not sure how long I wait. Longer than I thought I would.
And then…
A faint flicker of light deep in the lagoon, at the heart of it.
I get up, dust the sand from my ass, and make my way down the beach.
The light pulses like a beating heart.
Whump-whump-whump. I can practically hear the electric drum of it in the stillness.
“Well, go on then, Peter Pan,” I mutter. “Don’t make a show of it.”
Whump-whump…
The hair lifts along the nape of my neck.
BOOM.
The light explodes. I bring up my arm, using it as a shield as the lagoon heaves.
The water crashes to the shore.
I step back as the light fills the darkness, one pulsing nebula at its center.
A geyser of water comes up and Peter Pan, glowing like a star, shoots off, burning through the clouds.
Peter Pan can still fly, it would seem.
I suspect gods need no shadow to take to the sky.
30
PETER PAN
When I was a boy on Neverland, I was terrified of the night. The howling wolves and the long shadows that grew longer in the woods. The shadow helped get me through the nights.
Then I found Tink and Tink’s golden glow would banish the dark and I was no longer terrified.
Later, when I lost my shadow, I was terrified of the day. Of the burning heat of the sun and the power taken from me, the hollow carved out of the center of me.
There was always something. Something to make me feel weak, and a crutch to prop myself on, to make me feel less so.
I know now.
The lagoon gave me the Neverland Shadow because I needed it.
I needed that crutch until I knew how to walk.
Balder’s memories are still vivid in my head. The memories of two gods on the lagoon’s beach, watching the spirits of the water carry me under.
I should be dead. Several times over.
And yet, I am burning with life. Glowing with it.
Drenched in darkness, terrified of light.
Always so fucking terrified and looking to someone else, something else to make me feel less so.
Until now.
I break through the clouds, one singular mission guiding me.
No shadow, but I’m flying.
The cloud cover disappears, and the stars glitter in the night sky.
In the distance, I hear shouting, fighting, the clashing of steel, and the voices of my chosen family. The one that never abandoned me, never traded me for another, and would never betray me.
I’m coming, I think to them, and I know they hear it.
Somehow, through shadow and light, we are all connected now.
And no one, not even Tinker Bell, will stop us.
31
WINNIE
We’re losing now.
And Tinker Bell is full of glee.
There’s a sharp cut on my torso, blood soaking through my clothing. Vane is on the edge of carting me off, I can feel it. But we’re not done. We cannot be done.
A fae swings with a wooden staff. I duck just in time to miss it, but she catches me on the backward swing and a sharp vibration of pain sings down my bones, down my ribs and into my legs.
Tears prick in my eyes.
The shadow swells around me, the air undulating like ocean waves. The fae stops, sucking in air like she’s choking. I stab. Cut. Slash. Her blood leaves a coppery tang on the back of my tongue.
How much longer can we do this?
How are we to defeat Tinker Bell when not even a fabled island blade can kill her?
Kas takes out a fae, then he and Bash go back-to-back, swinging, but the fae and the Lost Boys lose their frenzy and a hush travels through the crowd.
Their eyes turn toward the sky.
I follow in their direction and see an orb of light in the dark night sky and I swear I hear a voice say… I’m coming.
“What is that?” Bash asks, breathing heavily.
The light is traveling so fast, the sound of it cuts through the night like a jet engine.
It gets closer. And closer.
Fae voices rise in alarm.
I find Tinker Bell in the crowd, her mouth open, eyes wide.