I answered him honestly. There was no reason to lie or pretend I’m an expert on love and relationships. “I have no idea what love actually is.”
The words hung as a placard on the concrete wall of my mental gallery. As I blew the flower to dust, I closed my eyes and pictured Kael and I in that gallery, standing in the corner, away from all the noise, taking in what the words meant. What love actually is.
Kael and I sat silently on the porch, and I can’t explain how or why, but I knew he was in the same mental space as me, having the exact same thoughts as me. I didn’t even have to open my eyes to know that his eyes weren’t open anymore.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
I had forgotten to make Elodie a pitcher of sun tea, and I realized there was only an hour or so of daylight left. Jumping up, I told Kael I was heading inside to fix it, and he offered to help, even mentioning his mom’s “special method” for making it. More domestic-couple behavior! Now that we were inside the kitchen, I started to feel a bit more rational. His idea of being drama-free friends made all the sense in the world. I couldn’t keep thinking about it. There was no need to. It was like practice-dating in a way, and Lord knows I could use the practice. This way, my mind and heart wouldn’t end up hurting—drama-free friends with an expiration date. Whatever I was walking into, I would be prepared.
“So, what’s the first step in this friendship?” I asked him, as I began to fill up the jug of water in the sink.
“I think you may be too late to get this done today,” he advised, pointing to the sun setting behind the trees out the window. I dumped the water as Kael pulled out a wooden chair at my kitchen table and sat down.
“Hmm, I think we’re past step one. We’ve done the grocery-shopping bit.”
I nodded, leaning back on my cute farmhouse sink. “And you’ve met my parents. Well, my dad and my brother.”
“And a party. We’ve actually been through quite a bit. In a really short time.”
“Yeah, we have.” I looked away from his dark eyes on me. Turning around, I kept my back to him and busied myself with washing a few dishes. I really, really needed a dishwasher, but that was a luxury way down on the list. I had my eye on one, and considered getting a credit card, but the thought of owing money that I barely had made me more anxious than hand-washing my dishes.
“Let’s do some basic get-to-know-each-other questions?” His tone was playful, far from the composed man I met a few days ago.
“Okay.” I shot him a glance over my shoulder, but was skeptical. “Go ahead.”
He gestured to the empty chair next to him.
I stepped to the table, sat down, and scooted my chair to put a few inches between us. If Elodie walked in and saw us here she would definitely have something to say about the two of us sitting so close, alone in the house.
“I’ll ask you a question and you answer honestly and we go from there. Think of it as my birthday gift.” He smiled at me. I wanted to kick him for being so adorable.
“This is what friends do. They get to know each other’s hobbies and taste in music. Favorite foods, all that,” he assured me.
He was so confident—in his words, his smile, even the way he leaned back on the chair with his arms crossed. I felt that familiar pull from the bottom of my tummy down toward my legs.
“Okay, okay. Enough small talk, ask something.” I needed to be distracted from the way Kael’s mouth made me ache as he licked his lips while peeling the skin off that freakin’ orange.
“I only brought one, but we can share,” he said. I loved this playful version of him.
“Some friend,” I joked, and he shook his head.
“Hey, we’re just starting out. I get to have a few hiccups.”
“Touché.” I paused, looking around the kitchen. “Anyway, you’re the one who doesn’t tell me anything about himself.”
“You go first, then,” he offered. I thought about what I wanted to know about him. There was just so much.
Music. That’s what popped into my head first. I’d ask about music! “What’s your favorite band that no one really knows?”
He turned to me, his eyes wide, happy.
“So many. I love unknown bands. It’s most of what I listen to. I just open Spotify and type in my mood and they usually get it pretty spot-on.” He opened the app and showed me his screen. “This morning I listened to a band called Muna. I found them recently. They’re great.”
“Muna isn’t unknown. There’s a rumor they are going to be opening for Harry Styles on his upcoming tour.” I told him how I loved their music and how Elodie and I would try to get tickets to his concert as soon as they went on sale. I’d need to pick up a few more clients before I could afford resell tickets.
“Harry Styles, huh? If you could go to any concert, ever, who would it be?” he asked me.
I nodded a solid yes and thought about what concert I would choose if I could see anyone. Alanis Morissette had always been my go-to answer, but with Kael, I chose what I actually thought of first. It felt freeing, to be honest in this way. I liked how he brought me out of myself. I didn’t give him the answer I thought he wanted. I gave him the truth.
“Shawn Mendes,” I told him.
“Shawn Mendes? I never would have guessed.” He smirked.
“And you?” I asked.
“Me, well, I would probably say either Amy Winehouse, before she . . .” He paused. It was lovely, a mark of respect somehow. I smiled, urging him to continue. “Or Kings of Leon on their first tour. Back when they were virtually unknown.”
“I’m going to make a playlist of unknown bands before our next . . . hangout session, or whatever we’re calling this,” I said.
“Our next not-a-date,” he said. I think we were both relieved to hear the word “next.”
“Right,” I said, feeling both relieved and excited.
“So,” Kael said. “Here’s another question for you. If you could describe your brother, Austin, in one word, what would it be?”
“Hmm.” I tapped my nose, thinking of one word to describe my twin. “Well-intended?” I finally answered. But I was unsure. It wasn’t the word I was going for. Not exactly.
“That’s two words,” he said.
“Actually, it’s hyphenated, so that counts as one word.” He liked that. I could tell. “He has good intentions,” I continued. “He makes bad choices to go along with them.”
“I get that,” he said. And I really felt that he did.
“My turn,” I said. “What about you? What about your little sister?” His expression hardened almost to say I had crossed a line. Then, just as quickly, it went back to normal. After a moment he answered me: “Powerhouse.”
“Powerhouse?” I repeated. What a lovely way to be viewed by someone, especially by someone in your own family.
He nodded. “Yeah, she’s brilliant. And doesn’t let anything stop her. Her high school, it’s one of those fancy private schools where they focus intensively on one subject. Science is her thing. She tested high enough to get into the school back when she was nine, but my mom can’t drive and wouldn’t let her ride the city bus alone until she turned fourteen. Now she takes the bus on her own, across town, every morning, and every afternoon.”