“Do not touch me like that,” he said calmly, looking into my eyes as he lowered our hands, then let go of mine. The words went straight to the deepest part of me and filled me with shame. He took a step away and stopped near the entryway of the kitchen.
I immediately shrank. What was I even doing? I couldn’t believe that I had just pushed him like that, and in front of my father. No matter my anger. I couldn’t look at my dad because I was afraid that I’d see more of myself in him than I could accept. I apologized to Kael immediately and loudly, but he didn’t seem fazed. He was blank, shut down, a vacant soldier replacing the man I had come to know.
Kael was slipping away from my little living room.
“None of us are right in the head anymore.” Kael’s words tore me open and I struggled to stay in self-preservation mode.
I didn’t believe Kael was being honest with me, and my dad was a notorious liar. I felt like I was in a fun house, mirrors cut in weird shapes, bent to confuse you with a distorted version of reality. What you thought was reality. Everything around me was warped.
“Both of you, just get out.” My voice was shaky in its delivery, but the words came out confidently.
Kael remained unfazed. Wow. The pain lashed at me again.
My dad persisted in pushing my boundaries.
“Karina, we need to resolve this before it becomes more of a problem.”
“This isn’t my problem. It’s yours.” I pointed at both of them and said the words through gritted teeth.
Kael barely made eye contact. I couldn’t believe his audacity to not even look me in the fucking eyes.
“Get out. Now,” I said to them both again, but I was looking directly at Kael. He was still staring straight ahead as Elodie’s voice rang through the chaos.
“Martin! You’re here again!” she chirped, having no clue what she had just walked into as she bounced across the living room to give Kael a hug. Her face shifted from excitement to confusion as he stood unmoved by her enthusiasm. He suddenly took a step, then another, and his body moved like a robot, not stopping or even glancing toward Elodie as he walked out the front door.
I couldn’t bring myself to watch him leave, so I focused on my father.
“You, too. Get out.” I looked directly into my dad’s beady eyes and gestured toward to the door.
Kael’s truck roared in the background. I felt sick to my stomach. My father looked at Elodie, opened his mouth, then snapped it shut. He was summoning his outward charm—something he had mastered for the sake of appearances.
“I heard your soldier will be home soon.” My dad’s tone was soft as he touched Elodie’s shoulder. They weren’t close, but he had always been nice to her when she tagged along for dinner.
“I hadn’t heard this, is that true?” She sounded genuinely shocked at the news. Her eyes blinked a few times as my dad nodded.
“I’ll be going, good to see you, Elodie.” He managed a smile for her as she awkwardly waved goodbye and disappeared into the kitchen, leaving me alone with my dad.
A scowl returned to his face as he addressed me. “I’ll see you on Tuesday.” His tone told me that it wasn’t a request, it was an order.
This, whatever the fuck this whole thing was, wasn’t close to being over. Instead of feeding his ego and airing my grievances as I felt them, I waved at the door again, not giving him the satisfaction of taking any more of me. I held my breath until he was gone and made my way into the kitchen, where Elodie was pacing was back and forth, waiting for me. Her arms immediately went around my body, and for the first time since I met her, I didn’t have the energy to pretend that everything was okay.
CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
When I woke up the next morning, my head was throbbing. I couldn’t exactly recall how I got to my bed last night but had a faint memory of Elodie’s voice shushing my sobs as they wore me down to sleep. I remember her standing in the doorway with a look of pure worry on her face, the thin line of hallway light disappearing with her as she left the room.
I had tossed and turned the entire night. My room was too hot, then too cold. I curled into a ball to comfort myself, covering my mouth to calm the heaving; I had no tears left, but my body seemed to think that I did. I couldn’t stop. As soon as I would slip into near-sleep, Kael’s face would flash in my mind. When I couldn’t sleep, I checked my phone, too many times to count. My finger hovered over his name repeatedly, deliberating whether to block him or delete his number, but at the same time desperately hoping for a single text from him. Nothing. And I had the strength to do nothing except toss my phone to the other side of my bed.
Even in my dreams, I couldn’t escape him. Was my heart actually broken? Was Kael a liar? He wasn’t even part of my life a few weeks ago. My reaction to all of this was an overreaction. I was preparing to lose him eventually, but this felt different from the loss I knew was coming. I imagined that pain would be a longing ache for him, inflicted by distance, something remedied by texts and calls here and there. But this was altogether different.
I stretched my arms out in front of me as I lay in bed. My body felt sore everywhere. The morning was misty and overcast, and I couldn’t guess the time. How long had I slept? I found my phone under one of my pillows and squinted through puffy eyes to read: 8:24. I needed to get up and ready for work at eleven, but didn’t know how I was going to deal with today’s shift. I untangled myself from the disheveled mess of sheets and comforter and got out of bed. As I walked out of my room to the bathroom I heard the TV in the living room and knew Elodie was already awake. After a quick check of my face in the bathroom mirror, I splashed my cheeks with water in a futile attempt to revive myself. Kael’s tube of cinnamon-flavored toothpaste sat unopened on the counter. I cringed, feeling a pang of regret. He never even had the chance to use it, but maybe that was for the best.
As I stepped into the hallway, I heard Elodie giggle, clearly amused by whatever she was watching. That laugh always lifted my spirits when we hung out and binged on TV. She had kept me from plummeting last night. She hadn’t asked any questions, she just hugged me as we sat on the couch as I cried. She was here for me last night in a way that I had never felt in a friendship before. I wanted to thank Elodie and say that I was sorry that I hadn’t told her about what was going on with me and Kael.
“You’re awake.” She smiled, turning toward me as she lowered the volume on the remote. Head hurt. It felt like it had been days, not hours, since Kael and my dad were here. Elodie looked surprised as I practically crawled to her on the couch, snuggled up next to her, and wrapped my arm around her. She covered me with the blanket she was using, and I cuddled in closer. We didn’t say anything at first and I couldn’t think of where to begin or just how much I wanted to say. I owed it to her and myself to at least try to explain what was going on.
“Do you believe in coincidences?” I asked.
“Coincidence is simply what happens.” She paused. “Are you asking me about serendipity?”
Serendipity? Kael coming into my life seemed like a series of unfortunate events. I didn’t want to admit it was anything more than that.
“A coincidence is like bumping into an old friend at the movies or thinking about someone you haven’t heard from in a while and then seeing their name pop up next to a text.” Could it really be a coincidence that Kael and my dad and Austin and Mendoza and Phillip and everyone, literally everyone, were connected? I took a breath and continued, “The fact that my dad and Phillip and Kael are all in the same company feels like a bizarre circumstance.”