I get up to hide my shock. I think I’ve got everything I need for the podcast so I stop the recording. ‘I need to open the wine. Do you fancy a glass?’
She looks how I feel. ‘Actually, yes, I’d love one, thanks.’
I take our mugs and dump them in the sink, then crack open a bottle of Chablis that I’d brought from home. I pour two glasses, and knock mine back, then fill it again. The liquid is smooth and cold, and as it hits the back of my throat I feel instantly calmer. I carry our glasses to the living room and hand one to Olivia. She takes it gratefully. I notice how she knocks back a few large gulps too.
What else has Dale been evasive about? He was the one person I thought I could trust in this town. The betrayal feels out of proportion to how it should but I’m winded by it. Why would Dale not tell me about Tamzin? What is he trying to hide? ‘Why do men always have to lie?’ I blurt out.
‘I gather we’re not just talking about Dale here,’ Olivia says astutely.
I hadn’t realized I was thinking about Gavin. ‘My husband moved out a few months ago. Says he wants space from our marriage but I don’t think he’s being truthful with me. Something’s going on. I can just feel it, here.’ I place my palm over my heart. I don’t admit the other stuff, the things I’ve only recently admitted to myself. How I was so desperate to make our marriage work that I put aside my true feelings, my doubts about Gavin over the years. I saw my mum struggling to bring up me and my brother without my dad around. I saw how it affected Darren, how he went off the rails as a teenager, not having any male authority at home. I remember the years of uncertainty, and fear as my mum stayed up late worrying about what Darren was up to and which of his scummy mates he was dossing down with. Until I met Gavin and felt certain I’d found the security I’d always craved. I’d do things differently from my mum, I’d vowed when I got married. I’d provide a safe haven for Finn. A proper family with a mother and a father. How stupid of me. How na?ve. Darren was married now with two brilliant kids of his own – I adore my niece and nephew. He could have gone off the rails even if my dad hadn’t abandoned us as young kids but he sorted himself out when he grew up a bit and met Tracey.
Olivia is quiet for a while and then she says, almost under her breath, ‘I feel the same. About Wes.’
‘You think he’s lying to you?’
She nods sadly, then tells me about the extra cash Wesley has been splashing. ‘And he never seems to be at work. I’m surprised he hasn’t been sacked for all the sickies he’s taken lately.’
‘What do you think he’s up to?’
‘I’m not sure. He’s got a lot of undesirable mates. They could be up to anything.’
I inhale deeply. ‘Do you think it could be something illegal?’
She picks at the corner of her jumper. ‘I don’t think so,’ she says, into her lap, but she colours as she says it. What does she suspect?
‘Dale told me that a large sum of money was found in Ralph’s caravan.’
Olivia’s head shoots up. ‘Oh, my God.’
‘Was Ralph involved in anything criminal, do you know? Drugs?’
Olivia takes another gulp of wine. ‘I don’t know. He does take drugs. Did.’ She sighs. ‘Mostly weed, although there were times when I’d turn up at his caravan and I could tell he was high on something. But …’ she finishes off her wine and places the glass on the table ‘… I don’t know much about drugs. I’ve had a very sheltered life.’ She gives a sardonic little laugh but I can sense the sadness behind it. I offer her more wine. ‘Just a bit,’ she says. I get up to refill her glass, then sit down and do the same to mine.
‘It must have been hard for you, being so badly injured at just eighteen,’ I say, sipping my wine.
She nods. ‘Wesley was great. He helped me a lot.’
There’s something she’s not saying. ‘Are you … still happy with Wesley?’ I wince when she looks shocked at my question. It was too personal, probably. Just because I like to overshare, it doesn’t mean she will. ‘Sorry, don’t feel you have to answer that.’
‘Can I ask you a personal question?’ she says instead.
‘Uh … sure …’
‘Do you think you and your husband will get back together?’
I play with my wine glass. ‘I honestly don’t know.’
She takes a sip of wine. ‘Sometimes I’m not sure if I just stay with Wesley because I’m so used to him, that he’s been around for so long, looking after me. Or whether I truly love him. You asked me if I was still happy with him? But it’s relative, isn’t it? Happiness. I don’t know if I’m happy at all.’
She looks so heartbroken as she says it that I want to hug her. ‘I’m so sorry,’ I say again. ‘But – and I know I’m not one to talk with my relationship in pieces – but don’t feel you have to settle. Don’t feel that this,’ I throw my hands into the air, ‘is all you deserve. Because you can change things, Olivia. If you want to.’
Her eyes widen in surprise. ‘Thanks. I needed to hear that.’ She flashes me a wide smile that shows off all her teeth. It’s the first genuine smile I think she’s given me. And I realize we’re no longer interviewer and interviewee. We’re just two people of the same age having a chat. And I realize I like her. There’s something guileless about her. An honesty. We fall into a companionable silence, each sipping our wine, until she says, ‘Wesley wants to move in with me. He wants us to buy a place together. And I …’ she hesitates ‘… I don’t want to. I can’t explain why. It just doesn’t feel right.’
We’re interrupted by a knock on the door. It’s nearly seven. It’ll be Dale. Damn it. I’m tempted to cancel him, but I also want to ask him if he knew of Olivia’s claim that the man following her had a facial scar. Not to mention why he kept the fact he was Tamzin’s boyfriend from me.
I glance across at Olivia. She’s trying to hide it by smiling but her whole body is tense. ‘Is that Dale?’
‘I think so. I’m sorry, I lost track of time. He’ll have to wait while I run you home.’ And then it hits me that I’ve had a few glasses of wine. What was I thinking? I’d been so swept up in our conversation that I forgot I was supposed to be driving Olivia home.
I get up to let Dale in. Olivia follows me and starts tugging on her boots. Dale has his scarf pulled up to his chin and his hands thrust into his pockets. I feel another thud of disappointment that he lied about Tamzin. Behind him the treetops are shaking in the wind.
‘Hi,’ he says, his hazel eyes softening. And then he notices Olivia behind me. ‘Oh, hey, Olivia.’
‘Dale.’ She nods at him. ‘I’m just going.’ She takes her yellow raincoat from the peg and pulls it on.
It has started to rain, a faint drizzle that has settled on the shoulders of Dale’s overcoat. I’m embarrassed to have to ask him to drive Olivia home. ‘I’m so sorry,’ I say to both of them. ‘I didn’t think when we started drinking.’