“Hey, I get it,” Vivienne says with a shrug. “But she’s a special girl.”
“I know that.”
“So don’t expect her to stay unattached,” Kimba picks up, “while you roam the globe hunting for icebergs.”
I don’t reply, but the thought of someone else touching Lennix, of her hair on someone else’s pillow, of someone else making her tea the morning after—it makes me want to break something. It makes me want to abandon the trip that has been in the works for a year and fly to Oklahoma.
But I can’t. I won’t.
“We gotta go,” Vivienne says. “A few souvenirs to get before we leave.”
“Oh,” Kimba says over her shoulder as they start down the street. “Tell David I had a great time and goodbye.”
“You don’t want to tell him yourself?” I ask, following for a few steps so I can hear her response.
“Oh, no.” Kimba laughs, lobbing an ironic look at me over her shoulder. “When we said just for fun, we actually meant it.”
For an hour after they walk away, I sit on the wall outside their hostel. I almost fool myself into believing the door will open any minute, and Lennix will come running out. I picture her the way she looked the night we went to Vuurtoreneiland. The first night we made love.
My mind wanders to a few last-minute items on the supply list Grim tasked me with securing. I haven’t tracked down one yet, and we leave for New Zealand, our ship’s departure point, in two days.
You’re distracted.
Grim said it, and he’s right. I can’t afford this right now. My life, the safety of our team, the success of our efforts all require my absolute attention. I’ll go see Lennix after Antarctica and before the Amazon expedition to see what we should do about this attachment we’ve formed.
I dial her number. I don’t know when she’ll get this message. Whatever is between us is not for now, but it’s not over.
“Nix, hey,” I say to her voice mail. “Viv and Kimba said I missed you. I flew back early because I wanted to see you. Look, I, uh, know we said we’d walk away, but I want you to know this week meant so much to me, too. Guess I broke my own rule, huh? I need to focus on this trip. It’s not fun and games, and there’s still a lot I need to do before we leave. And I know you have some serious shit you’re handling there in Oklahoma. Internet access and cell phone will be pretty spotty for me, but when I get back, I’d love to talk about . . . I don’t know. What else this might be. Take care.”
Yeah, I’ll go to her after the trip.
There will be time then.
24
Lennix
“That went well.” A grimace skims Jim Nighthorse’s distinguished features. “Or as well as something like this can go.”
“No, it did go well,” I agree, glancing around the table at the team he has assembled for his campaign. “There were TV cameras everywhere. This community definitely knows Tammara’s missing.”
“Her family,” Mena says, brushing at her tears. “My heart breaks for them.”
They wept openly, begged for any information that might lead to finding their daughter. The helplessness I saw in their faces was so familiar. I know that pain and that plea.
“You were brilliant, Lennix,” Jim says.
“It never seems to get any easier,” I say with a sad smile. “Talking about my mother. It just reminds me I’ll never see her again.”
Jim grips my shoulder, firm, but gentle. “Thank you for doing it. I know you helped Tammara’s cause today.”
“I just pray we find her,” I whisper.
My phone rings and I glance at the screen.
“Excuse me,” I tell Jim and Mena. “I need to take this.”
I step outside, closing the door of Jim’s campaign headquarters behind me.
“Hey, Viv,” I say, with one of the few smiles I’ve managed over the last two days. “What’s up?”
“Just checking on you,” she says. “I know you got tossed into the campaign all ‘sink or swim.’”
“Yeah, but I’m swimming. At least, so far. It’ll be hard to come back to campus next week and finish the semester.”
“I know, but you’ll be done and back on the trail in just a few months. Did you, uh, talk with Maxim?”
I stiffen and draw a quick breath. “He left a voice mail and said we’d talk when he comes home after Antarctica.”
“He seemed pretty desperate when he came back and you were gone.”
My heart lifts the slightest bit, but I caution myself. “His voice mail was sweet, but not a commitment or anything. I don’t expect to hear from him until he’s back in the States,” I say, not giving away the signs of heartbreak I know Vivienne is looking for. “You don’t have to check on me, Viv. I’m alright.”
“I know. I just love you.”
“I love you, too, Lennix!” a guy screams from the background.
“Oh, my God.” I laugh and lean against the wall. “Is that Wallace?”
“Yes, you know he has the biggest crush on you ever.”
“Is he still a brainiac?”
“Total dweeb patrol.”
“Shut up, Viv!” Vivienne’s older brother, Wallace, says. “And give me the phone.”
There’s a scuffle as they apparently wrestle. Brain must win over brawn because Wallace’s is the next voice I hear.
“My darling,” he purrs. “How I’ve missed thee. Run away with me.”
“Oh, my God, Wall.” I giggle as only he can make me. “I don’t have time to run away with you. Didn’t they tell you? I’m that rare entity, someone who has a job all lined up before I’ve even graduated from college.”
“Not so rare, Lenny,” he says, pride and amusement mixing in his voice. “I just got a job at the CDC.”
“That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you.”
“Yeah. You know what that means, right?”
“Tell me, please.”
“It means I’ll have just enough money to keep you in the lifestyle to which you’ve become accustomed.”
“Oh, you mean cup noodles and thrift stores? So glad that MIT education didn’t go to waste.”
“MIT was two degrees ago,” he says with false haughtiness. “Duke, my darling. Duke.”
“Well excuse me, Mister Microbiologist.”
“I promise it’s not as fun as it sounds.”
“It actually doesn’t sound fun at all.”
“Seriously? How many men could recite the periodic table to you while making love?”
“Not enough.”
The door opens behind me and Mena points over her shoulder. “Team meeting in two minutes.”
I nod and return my attention back to Wallace and Vivienne. “Hey, Wall, tell Viv we’ll talk later. I have to get into this meeting.”
“Okay. Just save me a corner of your heart, okay?”
I laugh, but the heart in question flinches. After only a week with Maxim, I’m not sure there’s anything left.
25
Maxim
“It’s cold as a witch’s tit.”