“This is not bad,” Ilya conceded when they were eating at the kitchen table later. Ilya had lit a candle in the middle of the table, which Shane found adorable.
“Clean eating doesn’t have to suck,” Shane said. “I eat lots of delicious stuff.”
Ilya shot him a skeptical look, then took another bite of salmon and spiced cauliflower. “Not as good as chicken parmesan,” he said, after he swallowed.
Shane couldn’t argue that. Secretly, he’d fucking kill for some crispy chicken, smothered in cheese. Maybe with some pasta and alfredo sauce on the side. Maybe a beer to wash it down with. Some garlic bread…
But garlic bread wasn’t important. Winning was important. Playing in the NHL for as long as possible was important.
“For dessert,” Ilya said with a slight quirk of his lips, “we can look at a picture of cake.”
Shane rolled his eyes.
“Or…” Ilya leaned in suggestively. “Maybe there is something else you are craving?”
“Like your dick, you mean?” Shane asked dryly.
Ilya grinned. “Is that part of your diet?”
“Gross.”
They both laughed, and Shane’s heart flipped happily in his chest. He loved quiet, domestic moments like this with Ilya. He loved joking about sex and laughing together. He loved that Ilya had looked up a recipe and bought fussy ingredients for it. That he’d given them this moment.
“I love you,” Shane said, the words out before he’d known he was going to say them.
Ilya’s smile turned bashful and sweet. “I still like to hear that.”
“I still like saying it.” They smiled at each other for a long moment, sappy as shit, then Shane said, “So. Are we watching the documentary tonight?”
“If you want.”
“You didn’t watch it already, did you?”
Ilya glared at him. “No.”
“But you remembered to record it?”
“Fuck, Shane. Yes.”
“Okay. Sorry.”
Ilya took a sip of water, then said, “We don’t have to watch it.”
“I want to.” Shane’s lips twitched. “I want to see what you said about me.”
“You mean the thing about how much you like having your balls sucked?”
Shane heaved an enormous sigh, then stood up to bring his empty plate to the sink.
“Because I definitely told them about that,” Ilya said.
“Okay.”
“And that you squeak when you are trying not to come.”
“I don’t squeak.”
Ilya shrugged. “This is why we need a sex tape. So you can see.”
“No way. You would leak it immediately.”
Ilya grinned. “Can you blame me?”
“Have you heard of this FanMail website?” Shane asked as they were getting settled on the couch later.
“Yes. Is like, people pay to have famous people pretend to care about them.”
“That’s a bleak way of putting it, but sort of. I’d never heard of it until Hayden told me he’d been doing them and—”
Ilya slammed the remote onto the sofa cushion beside him. “Hayden is on FanMail?”
“Yeah.”
Ilya launched off the sofa and darted away.
“What the hell are you doing?” Shane asked.
“Getting my phone.” He returned a moment later with his phone in his hand, grinning at the screen. “A hundred dollars!” Ilya said. “Who would pay this for a video from Hayden?”
“Lots of people,” Shane said defensively. “He films them all the time.”
“I am going to buy one.”
“Ilya, no. Don’t be a dick.”
“Dear Hayden,” Ilya said aloud as he typed. “My boyfriend is sad because he has a very annoying coworker and needs to be cheered up. Could you send him a video and sing him his favorite song, ‘O Canada’？”
“That is not my favorite song.”
“What is?”
Shane didn’t have an answer ready for that, so he crossed his arms instead. “Please don’t send that.”
“Too late.”
“He’s going to know it’s you. What email address did you use?”
“Don’t worry about it.” Ilya sat beside Shane and picked up the remote again. “Let’s watch this stupid thing.”
There was nothing particularly surprising or even interesting about the documentary. It was mostly a collection of their career highlights, with a few talking head interviews mixed in to create a bit of a story.
Ilya had been right: it wasn’t really about them.
But it was nice, having all these clips and interviews put together in a one-hour package. It was even nicer to be able to watch it curled up together on Ilya’s couch.
Suddenly a clip appeared that Shane had never seen before.
“Don’t watch this,” Ilya said. His tone was dead serious.
“Is this—oh.” On the screen, Shane had just been laid out by Cliff Marlow during a game against Boston. He winced. He’d never been able to remember that hit, but he sure remembered the injuries it caused.
Ilya’s body tensed against him as they both stared at Shane’s unconscious body on the ice.
“Spoiler,” Shane said with a shaky laugh. “I wake up.”
“I know,” Ilya said quietly.
In the video, Ilya was crouching over Shane’s body. The camera caught a close-up of Ilya’s face as he glanced over his shoulder and began to frantically wave medical staff over. His skin was ashen and his eyes were wide and terrified.
A crowd formed around Shane’s body seconds later, but Ilya didn’t leave. He stood, just outside the scrum, like a guardian. He was talking, but no one seemed to be listening to him.
A spinal board and a stretcher were brought onto the ice. Ilya had to be shoved out of the way by one of the medics, but that didn’t keep Ilya from staying as close as he was allowed, his eyes never leaving Shane’s body.
“Was I awake then?” Shane asked quietly. “I don’t remember.”
“Yes. Barely.” Ilya’s voice sounded small and unsteady. “You were trying to talk to me.”
Ilya never fucking left. Even though Shane’s teammates were all, sensibly, huddled near the Montreal bench, out of the way of the medics, Ilya stayed. He’d stood there in his Boston uniform, making sure Shane knew he wasn’t alone.
Shane squeezed his hand, now. Because Shane wasn’t the one reliving a traumatic moment by watching this.
“How could they not know?” Shane said. “How could anyone have seen this—seen you—and not known about us?” Ilya had displayed his heart so openly, smashed against the ice as unmistakably as Shane’s broken body.
“I don’t know,” Ilya said.
Ilya needed to stop watching this, so Shane climbed into his lap and kissed him. He’d never thought much about how scared Ilya had been. He’d been relieved that his injuries weren’t career-ending, and hadn’t thought much about the incident beyond that. But he knew if their situation had been reversed, Shane would have been a wreck. Injuries were part of the game, but getting knocked out cold was scary. He hoped Ilya never scared him like that.