And it’s quickly becoming evident that there were no apartments to look at with his broker. He just needed to get me out here.
“Ryan?” I look around. “What’s going on?”
Turning to face me, that stunning smile spreads, showcasing his puckered dimples. “Take a seat.” He motions to the kitchen island.
In a daze, I pull out a stool and sit, my eyes wandering to the colorful bouquet in the center of the island.
“I’ll have you know I've kept those alive for three whole days now.”
The ease of his voice causes a grin to fall across my lips.
Ryan puts a plate in front of me. French toast, eggs, and a side of fruit, but he doesn’t have more food to plate for himself. He slides an iced coffee to me before setting down a new creamer to try—mint chocolate chip.
“What’s going on? Where are we?”
He doesn’t answer my question.
“I said the wrong words the other day,” he says instead. “And there are some others you need to hear.”
Swallowing, I give him my full attention.
“I didn’t realize how lonely I was until you. All this time, you were existing outside of those four walls of my apartment. Everything I’ve ever needed existed outside of that apartment. Then you came inside and brought me back to life and I refuse to go back to my world before you. I won’t go back to life before you, Ind.”
“I don’t want a life without you either, Ryan, but sometimes it’s not as simple as that. Life isn’t black and white.”
“You don’t think I know that? I haven’t seen black and white since the second you walked into my apartment. Now it’s pink-painted toes, purple clothes, green plants, and those goddamn yellow curtains.” He shakes his head. “And so much fucking Blue. All I see is Blue.”
Translation: All I see is you.
Tears prick my eyes and I’m shocked I have more to shed.
“I love that you read romance novels to feel something. I love that you love flowers and plants because nurturing and allowing something to grow is second nature to you. I love that you experience every emotion so hard it takes over your entire body. But baby, I want to be the one to make you feel how your favorite books do. I want to be the one to give you children to nurture and grow. When you think of me, the only emotion I want you to feel is unconditional, earth-shattering love. Because when I look at you, I see my entire future and I can’t stand to live in a world where you look at me and don’t see the same thing.”
Wiping, I dry my cheeks. “I do, Ryan, you know that. I’m just so afraid of pulling you into a life that you don’t want. Or didn’t want until the other day. This wasn’t part of your plan.”
“What if I had changed my plans for you?”
A rebuttal sticks in my throat.
“I heard you, Blue. The other morning when you said words were just words, you were right. We’ve both been told a lot of things that didn’t hold weight, and because of that, I’ve loved you through my actions. I let them speak for me.”
His quiet love. It’s always the loudest.
Quickly, my eyes dart to the fridge where our lease agreement and bucket lists hang, accompanied by another stack of papers.
“I know what I signed up for when I fell in love with you. From the beginning, you made it perfectly clear what you wanted your life to look like, and I’ve been taking steps to make that happen even when you weren’t aware. So no, Ind, you don’t have to beg me for a future because this is what I’ve wanted all along.”
He takes the new papers I’ve never seen off the fridge and places them next to my breakfast. “I bought us this house back in January.” Flipping to the last page of what I realize now is the deed, he points to the final line. “And if you don’t believe me, your name is right there.”
It is. He put my name right along his on the title of the house with a date in January. Only days after his knee injury.
“I’ve always known, Ind. I’ve wanted everything you want ever since you walked into my world and reminded me of who I am. You made me hopeful for those things, a real partner, a family, children. Parts of life I had convinced myself I would never have because no one would ever truly love me for the man I am and not just the name I carry.
“I want this place to be where everyone gathers. I want team dinners here. I want our friends over. I want our kids to have their friends over. We can breathe out here, Ind. There are no fans or media waiting outside of the building. You should see the stars at night. It’s incredible, and there’s so much room outside. You can have a whole garden or a greenhouse. And I can’t wait to watch you turn this house into a home just like you did with the apartment.”
He’s so light out here, a stunning smile beaming on his handsome face. The heaviness of the city, the burden of the game is too far away, and I love seeing him so free.
“I think part of me will always want to hide away, but I want to hide here, with you.” Rounding the island, he wipes at my tears. “Baby, you can’t get makeup and tears on the deed to the house.”
Chuckling, the tension breaks.
Pulling me in, he kisses my temple. “I’ve been having the house worked on since I bought it. It’s not quite done. Some rooms still need paint and obviously we need more furniture, but it’s livable. Your bed is in the primary bedroom and some of your clothes too. I’ll have your car brought out today, but will you stay here while you think? This place has five bedrooms and when I bought it, I had every intention of filling them all. I want you to see this house when you’re asking yourself if you’re trapping me into a life I don’t want, okay?”
Through shaky breaths, I nod. “Words of affirmation.”
“What?”
“You said you weren’t good with words, but I think words of affirmation might be your love language. Or acts of service. Or gift-giving. God, I don’t even know anymore.”
He chuckles.
“I love you.”
“I love you, Blue. So fucking much and I’ll fight for you forever, but I need you to fight for us too. Now eat your breakfast, it’s getting cold.”
He adds one final kiss on my forehead before heading towards the front door.
“Ryan.”
He turns to face me.
“Why did you pay for my fertility treatments? I didn’t want anyone paying for that.”
“No, you didn’t want your parents paying for that. You said you felt uncomfortable for someone else paying for you to start a family. Well, it’s going to be my family too, so I don’t count.”
“But that was back in December. Even then?”
He knew even then?
“Even then.”
With that, he leaves me with my breakfast and a giant house that he wants to fill with our family.
42
INDY
I can only eat half of the French toast Ryan made me. I wish he stayed and finished the rest.
I’m overwhelmingly full from his words, from the knowledge that he bought this house months ago. That he paid for my fertility treatments months ago. It has absolutely nothing to do with the money. I might joke that I’m an expensive girlfriend, but I couldn’t care less about how much money he makes. I’d be happy to live in a cardboard box with that guy.