“I remember the first time you brought Cord here,” Lillian mused. “He was determined to help you in the kitchen.”
Robyn chuckled. “He kneaded with great enthusiasm.”
“He wanted to please you. That boy was crazy about you.”
“We were young and in love,” Robyn said lightly, knowing that hadn’t been enough to sustain them.
“You have regrets,” Lillian said kindly.
“Sure. About a lot of things. Sometimes I wonder if I’m more to blame than him. Not for the cheating—that’s on him, but for giving in rather than standing up to him.”
“You didn’t want to rip apart your family. You thought, after surviving cancer, Harlow needed both her parents. Austin, too.”
“You make me sound reasonable.”
“You were.”
“You’re right that I forgave him because of Harlow and Austin. I felt like they’d already been through so much. I didn’t think they’d survive a divorce. But what if that’s not true? What if I was really protecting myself?”
“Is that bad?” Lillian asked.
“Yes. It means I’m weak.”
“It means you’re human.”
Robyn finished with the rolls. She draped plastic wrap over them and washed her hands.
“You always see the best in me.”
Lillian laughed. “Of course, my dear. I love you. What else would I do?”
Robyn’s phone rang. She glanced at the screen, then grinned as she answered and put the call on speakerphone.
“Austin, you’re calling instead of texting. Has there been a shift in the earth’s rotation? Are the stars not aligning? I’m here with Lillian, by the way, so say hello.”
Her youngest chuckled. “Hey, Lillian.”
“Hello, dear boy. I miss you. Come see me.”
“I’d love to,” Austin admitted. “I miss you both.”
Robyn heard something in her son’s tone, but didn’t want to probe in front of her aunt.
“We miss you, too,” she said. “How are things?”
“Okay. Work. Hanging out with my friends.”
Lillian shifted the cat off her lap and rose. “I’ll leave you two to talk,” she said. “I’m going upstairs to take a little nap.”
Robyn kissed her cheek. “I’ll check on you later.”
Lillian walked out of the kitchen. Robyn turned her attention back to the call, taking him off speaker and putting the phone to her ear.
“Austin, are you okay?”
He sighed. “Dad’s sticking me with all the shit jobs, like he’s trying to prove something and I don’t know what. Plus, I’ve been trying to talk to him for a month, and he keeps blowing me off.”
“What do you want to talk to him about?”
“Stuff. My future.”
Which told her nothing. “I’m right here. I can listen.”
“Thanks, Mom, but this is stuff I need Dad for. Besides, some of it is me finding out if he’ll ever listen to me. I know you’ll always take the time.”
“Austin, your dad loves you.”
“That doesn’t mean he has time for me.”
She ran through a list of potential “dad only” problems. “Is someone pregnant?”
The line went silent. Robyn held her breath, too terrified to even pray.
“Mom, jeez. I don’t have a girlfriend right now.”
“That doesn’t mean you aren’t having sex. You know to wear a condom every single time, right? Every time. You whip it out, you put on party clothes.”
She practically heard him clench his teeth. “We aren’t talking about this.”
“Your penis? Is this where I remind you I saw it before you did?”
“Mom!” He exhaled. “No one’s pregnant.”
“Okay. Just checking. I love you, Austin. I’m always here if you need me. Do you want me to come home?”
“No. I’m okay. I just need to think some things through. I love you, too. And, Mom? Don’t tell Dad to talk to me. I want him to make time on his own. If he won’t, then that’s a message, too.”
“Every fiber of my being screams at me to get involved, but I’ll respect your wishes. Why don’t you call me before you go to sleep and I’ll read you a bedtime story?”
“I’m eighteen, not five.”
She laughed. “Just checking. Because I would if you wanted me to.”
He chuckled. “That’s both really sweet and totally terrifying.”
He ended the call.
Robyn stood in the kitchen, wondering if her youngest needed her to come home. And while she fretted, she thought about how she and Harlow were now exchanging brief texts, but weren’t yet speaking. Despite how Harlow made her crazy, she missed her oldest. Why couldn’t they be friends the way they used to be?
“Didn’t someone tell me it got easier as they got older?” she murmured, thinking she really had to remember who had said that so she could call them a liar. Things were different, but in no way were they easier. Not in the least.
fifteen
HARLOW HAD NO idea how she got through dinner. She must have faked her way well enough because no one stared or asked if she was okay. She thought maybe she’d eaten something, although she couldn’t be sure, what with her stomach flipping and spinning as she tried to make sense of what she’d learned.
Kip had an ex-wife. Kip had been married before. He’d proposed, had a ceremony, gotten a divorce, and he’d never said a word to her.
She sat next to him, in his car, as they drove back to their apartment, not sure what to do or say or think or feel.
“You’re mad,” he said into the silence. “You have every right to be. I’m sorry. I should have said something.”
Something? He should have said something. “I think a more specific, ‘I’ve been married’ would be more appropriate,” she said quietly, knowing if she gave in to the hurt and fear growing inside of her, she might be overwhelmed by emotions she couldn’t begin to handle.
“Harlow,” he began, then sighed. “Yes, I was married before.”
The blunt words hit her right in the heart. Tears filled her eyes as pain ripped through her.
“You never said,” she whispered. “You never told me.”
“I didn’t know how. I was ashamed. I thought you’d think less of me. After a while, I didn’t know what to say. It didn’t mean anything.”
“You were married. That means something.” She closed her eyes. “You’ve done all these things with someone else. An engagement, a wedding.” The tears ran faster. “None of this is special to you.”
“No! Harlow, don’t. It wasn’t like that. We were both nineteen. We eloped. There was no engagement, no wedding. We got married, and six weeks later, we realized it was a mistake, so we got a divorce. End of story.”
But it wasn’t the end of the story, she thought as he pulled into his parking space. It was just the beginning of a nightmare. Kip had been married before. She was having trouble wrapping her mind around that truth.
“You should have told me.”
“Yes, I should have. I was wrong. I’m more sorry than you can know.”