He nods and cups my cheek, his touch gentle. Luca’s thumb brushes over my lip, and he sighs. “So your mother… she’s been like this all your life? This is the only version of her you’ve known since you were a child?”
I nod and look away. “I have some good memories from before my father left, but none from after that. She wasn’t around much while I was growing up. I was mostly raised by my grandmother, because Mom worked such long hours. Whenever she was home, though, she was just the way she was today. Hurt and lashing out at the world. Now that I’m older, I can see it for what it is. She’s a broken woman, and the shards of her cut everyone who comes too close. I don’t want her words to hurt you too, Luca.”
He nods, his gaze unreadable. “Don’t worry, wife,” he murmurs. “She won’t hurt me.” He pauses for a moment, his gaze roaming over my face. “When you asked me for fidelity, it seemed like you had some scars of your own. Was that strictly related to your parents?”
My eyes widen, and I look away, unable to face him. “No,” I whisper, unwilling to talk about it but unable to lie to him.
For a moment, I think he’ll demand more answers, but instead he just nods and leans in, his lips brushing over my forehead. “I hear you,” he murmurs. “I’ll be patient with your mother, and I’ll try my best to reassure her, okay?”
I smile at him in gratitude, and he gently combs a hand through my hair. The look in his eyes can’t quite be described as sympathy, and it isn’t pity either… but it’s something.
It’s something that makes me feel relieved I shared my story with him, when it’s a truth I’ve always hidden. Something about Luca puts me at ease, and the fact that he has that power over me is worrying.
“Valentina,” he says, his voice soft. “I apologize for what I said to you on Ares’s wedding day. Those words would have been hurtful regardless, but to hear me say that to you when it’s the exact type of thing your mother would have had to deal with, the kind of thing she would’ve warned you against… I’m really sorry. I fully understand why you were so hurt, and if I could take it back, I would.”
I shake my head, my heart heavy. “It’s okay. You couldn’t have known.”
“That doesn’t make it right, nor does it make it forgivable.”
I brush the back of my fingers over his cheek and smile. “Yet I forgive you nonetheless.”
“Tell me, baby. Do you worry that I’d do something like that to you? Do you think I’d leave you for someone like Natalia?”
My heart twists painfully, and I look away. “I would, if this marriage was real, but it isn’t.”
In three years, he and I will part ways, no strings attached. It should relieve me of all worries, but with each passing day, it becomes harder to envision a life without Luca.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Valentina
I check the time and sigh as I walk into the house at eleven in the evening. For days now, I’ve been avoiding Luca, working late and making sure I’m out the door before he is in the mornings. I’ve felt oddly flustered and uncomfortable ever since we slept together, but it wasn’t the sex that threw me off. It was the intimacy that followed.
Luca has been treating me the same at work, but the way he looks at me has changed. I’m scared that he thinks less of me now, or that he’ll take pity on me. I worked incredibly hard to cultivate my professional image, and I feel like I ruined it all in just one single night. Besides, I’m worried about the thinning boundaries between us.
It’s been a long time since I shared so much of myself with another, and I’m worried I revealed too much. The last time I opened up to someone that way, I ended up heartbroken.
Luca has been confusing me lately and I’m uncertain how to handle this new version of him. I thought I knew exactly who he was and what I could expect in this marriage of convenience, but nothing about it feels convenient anymore. When he asked me to marry him, he made it seem so simple. I figured I’d pretend to be his wife in front of his family, and in private, nothing would change. I couldn’t have been more wrong. With each passing day, I grow more scared to lose my heart all over again, permanently this time.
I pause on my way to the kitchen and instinctively hide at the sound of Luca’s voice. “Yeah?” he says, his voice soft. I thought he’d be in bed by now, but it looks like I was wrong.
I peek around the corner to find him standing in front of the stove, his earbuds in. He’s dressed in gray sweatpants that give him an entirely unfair advantage, and the black t-shirt he’s wearing strains around his muscles in a way that makes it impossible to look away.
“Don’t be upset,” he murmurs, his tone gentle.
I tense, a knot settling in my stomach. Who is he speaking to? I’ve never heard him take that tone with anyone but me, and he only started speaking to me so sweetly once we got married. Who is it that’s got him exposing a side of himself that he hid from me for years?
“I know. I’ll handle it, okay? I promise.”
My heart clenches tightly and I inhale shakily. Is it Natalia? I still remember the way he looked at her when she came into the office. When they first got engaged, he seemed patient but reluctant around her, but the last time they spoke, he acted different. He was kinder, more gentle. Something about that time didn’t sit well with me and left me feeling irrationally jealous. I hide behind the door and continue to listen in, unable to suppress my curiosity. The news of their engagement being called off was shared this morning, so perhaps he’s reassuring her that it won’t negatively affect her?
I watch as he takes out his earbuds, my heart uneasy. “How long are you going to stand there, Valentina?” I tense, and he chuckles as he turns around to face me. “Are you done running away from me yet?”
I clear my throat and tear my gaze away. Luca looks amazing in a three-piece suit, but I think I like him best this way. “I wasn’t running.”
He turns the stove off and leans back against the counter, his hand disappearing into his pocket as he retrieves the golden pocket watch he carries everywhere. “It’s way past eleven, and you’re only just coming home. You’ve somehow managed to be in meetings every single day for a week straight, and you’ve been coming home late. Why are you hiding behind your work?”
I walk up to him and reach for a glass in the cupboard beside him, trying my best to act nonchalantly. “I’ve just been busy,” I tell him, but it sounds unconvincing even to me.
Luca turns toward me and wraps an arm around my waist as he moves behind me. He pushes me against the counter and presses his body against mine, trapping me in his embrace from behind.
I inhale sharply when he brushes my hair aside and leans in, his lips settling against the back of my neck. “Yeah?” he whispers. “Or are you running from this?” He kisses my neck, his touch soft as he moves his way up to my ear. “Are you just busy, or are you scared of giving into this thing between us?”
His hand moves up to my breast and a soft moan escapes my lips when he kisses me below my ear. I can feel him harden against my ass, and he thrusts his hips into me, showing me how much he wants me. “Answer me,” he demands, one hand moving into my hair even as he tightens his grip on me, pulling me against him harder. Luca grabs my hair and pulls on it, exposing more of my neck. His lips trail down to my throat, and I inhale shakily.