The girls smile at me as they sit down on my bed. “How are you feeling?” Sierra asks, while Raven grabs my hand.
I nod. “I’m fine.”
Raven squeezes my hand and shakes her head. “You’re not fine at all, Val. You haven’t been yourself in weeks now. I’m really worried about you. We all are.”
I glance past her to find Ares, Zane, Dion, and Lexington hovering by the door. “What are you all doing here?” I ask, confused. They’ve been taking it in turns lately, each of them coming to see me every few days, but they’ve never come here all at once, together.
Sierra brushes my hair behind my ear gently. “It’s meant to be poker night tonight, and the boys thought they’d find Luca here.”
I frown in confusion. “What do you mean? Isn’t he at home?”
Ares walks into my bedroom, his expression carefully guarded. “Grandma threw him out a few days ago because you two failed to abide by the rules. She forbade him from setting foot on Windsor property, so we haven’t seen him since. Didn’t you receive an email informing you that Grandma is firing you?”
My eyes widen as realization sinks in. We’re only allowed to be away from each other for three consecutive days at most. How could I have forgotten? Have I truly been so self-absorbed that I put everything Luca has worked for at risk?
“Where is he?”
Ares shakes his head. “I don’t know. I thought he was here.”
Lexington grabs his phone, his expression conveying concern. “I’m calling Silas.”
Zane walks into my bedroom too, his gaze roaming over my face. “What happened, Val? It was obvious to all of us that Luca is hopelessly in love with you, and he has been for far longer than you realize. What is going on?”
Dion leans in the doorway, quiet as always, yet it feels like he’s disappointed in me. He has every right to be. I start to tremble as my thoughts clear. What have I done? I grab my blankets tightly as tears gather in my eyes. I pushed him so far away that he didn’t feel like he could come to me when he needed me the most. I always knew I didn’t deserve him, but this proves it.
“Found him,” Lex says. “He’s at The Cascade Hotel. Since he can’t enter any of our hotels, he must’ve gone to a competitor. I’ve got his room number, too.”
I nod as I slip out of my bed, and Raven smiles as she holds up a bag she’d set down next to my bed. “I have the perfect outfit for you.”
I smile, genuinely, for the first time in weeks. “Of course you do.”
The boys walk out of my room, but Dion stares at me for a moment. “I’ll drive you,” he says, before closing the door behind him.
Twenty minutes later, I’m seated in Dion’s car, wearing a red dress that Raven designed for me, my heart uneasy. Dion insisting on driving me when normally Sierra and Raven would’ve done it can mean only one thing. He wants to talk to me. Dion has always been this way. He isn’t one to speak up in public, and each real conversation I’ve ever had with him has always been in private, just the two of us.
My thoughts turn back to Luca, and I inhale shakily. What do I even say to him? How do I begin to apologize for everything I said, for the way I acted? What if he doesn’t want to see me?
“It’s going to be fine, Val. I’m not sure what’s going on between the two of you, but even to me, it’s obvious that you love my brother. It’s also clear to me that losing your grandmother led to depression for you. It’s something I’m more familiar with than I care to admit, and you need help, Val. Get help before you let this destroy yourself, and your relationship with Luca. I wish I’d asked for help when I lost my parents, but I can’t turn back time. Do what I didn’t have the courage to do, no matter how hard it might be. Luca deserves that much, doesn’t he?”
I nod, my head lowered. He’s right, of course. I can’t let this darkness claw at me any further. Not when it’s starting to touch and destroy those I love. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“I know you are,” Dion says, his voice soft. “You don’t need to be perfect, you know? The others don’t see it, because they’re always around you and they’ve gotten used to it, but I see it. You’re always trying so hard, like you’re scared we won’t want you around if you’re not useful to us. You overwork yourself and tear yourself apart trying to please everyone, until there’s nothing left of you. Val, you don’t need to do that. We all love you just as you are. We always have. You were family long before you married Luca, and that will never change. We don’t need you to do anything for us, and you don’t need to make yourself useful. You just need to be yourself.” He glances at me then, a soft chuckle escaping his lips when he sees the tears in my eyes.
He pulls up on the curb and opens his arms for me. “Come here,” he says, his voice soft. Dion pulls me into his arms and hugs me tightly, and just like that, I fall apart. “For the last nine years, you’ve been my baby sister, Val,” he says, his grip tight. “Just like Sierra is, and just like Raven. Nothing will ever change that, okay? You don’t need to try so hard to be loved. You’re worthy of it just as you are, and we do, we all love you. I can see you battling demons you’ll never tell me about, so this is as much as I can do for you, sweetheart. Know that you have four big brothers and two crazy sisters who will always support you, no matter what. We’re all here for you, so stop acting like it’s you against the world, all right? Stop pushing us all away, and stop being so scared you’ll lose us. It won’t happen. I promise.”
I pull away from him, and he gently dries my tears, a hint of worry in his eyes. “Now, tell me that this is going to be our little secret, because if Luca finds out that I made his wife cry, I’m not sure I’ll live to see another day. The way my brother loves you is no joke.”
I smile through my tears and nod. It’s hard for me to believe sometimes, but Dion is right. I’m loved beyond reason, even on days that are hard.
Especially by my husband.
I’m not sure how I’ll earn his forgiveness for everything I said to him, but I see it now. This life isn’t worth living without him.
Chapter Sixty-Three
Valentina
I’m trembling as I stare at Luca’s hotel room door, my thoughts reeling. I don’t know what to say to him, and I’m scared he doesn’t want to see me. Something this significant happened, and he didn’t even reach out to me. Did I push him away too far? Does he think I’m too much? Too broken. Too insecure. Far too much work.
Even now, insecurity claws at me, trying its best to convince me I’m not good enough, that there’s no way I can help him, and that I’ll only be a burden to him.
We don’t need you to do anything for us, and you don’t need to make yourself useful. You just need to be yourself.
Dion’s words resound through my mind, throwing me a lifeline when self-doubt tries to drown out every positive thought. Would it truly be enough for me to be myself? “Please,” I whisper, willing myself to be a little stronger, to fight a little harder. Luca stood by me for weeks without a single complaint. I’m not hurting any less than I was then, but how could I claim to love him if I can’t do this much? If he pushes me away and tells me he doesn’t want to see me, then I’d deserve that. But he deserves my best effort, no matter what.