Oh God, what if it got out? George Joseph had assured her that pictures were not allowed at the exhibit, but maybe she’d been naive to trust him. What if Joyce found out? Joyce took nothing more seriously than the public image of her anchors.
For a moment Aly was so distracted by the fact that her stupid date might cost her the shot she finally had that it took her a moment to process that Ashish was watching her as though he could see every thought passing through her head.
He let one spurt of laughter out. “You always said I pushed you to do things you ended up enjoying.”
She had not enjoyed Naked Art Guy.
He got serious again. “I was never trying to put you in bonds. I loved how fierce you were under all that Karen Menezes conditioning.”
A blast of pleasure warmed her. Then terror turned her cold. This was precisely the problem. That he knew exactly what to say to get to her. “You liked when I was fierce except when it was for something I wanted, not something you thought I should want.”
Again, he didn’t get defensive. “Aly, listen. I did that. I know. I’m not making excuses, but it’s all I ever saw. If you’d ever met my father, you’d understand.” Unfamiliar sadness flashed in his eyes. “You’re not the only one with conditioning. All I wanted was to not be like him, and I ended up . . .” He wiped a hand across his face as though it was that easy to wipe everything away. “Can we talk, please? Maybe after dinner. I have to tell you how these two years have been. I’ve . . . I’ve had the most amazing experiences. And I would never have found what I found if it weren’t for you.”
Wow. Was he really telling her how wonderful leaving her had been? And he was making excuses.
He paused, again, obviously seeing what she’d heard in his words. “If I hadn’t seen you fight for what you want, I . . . I would never have been able to do it.”
“Well, congratulations,” she said as they parked. “Bindu and Cullie are waiting.”
“Aly, I think you’re misunderstanding what I’m trying to say.”
“Of course I am. Don’t I always? But you know what, we no longer have to understand each other. We just have to be civil so Cullie and Ma can still have a family. Can we do that, please?”
“That we will always be.” He shoved his hands into his pockets and nodded. “But we’re more than that. Can we talk, please? One dinner. I’ll cook.”
She waited for him to say something about how she owed him that much. But he didn’t. And he was going to cook for her.
“I’m not going to help you or clean up or anything.”
He gave a lopsided grin. “You can even complain about how badly I cleaned up. Please.”
“Fine. Tomorrow.” But she didn’t add that it was a date. Because it wasn’t.
After dinner Ashish went back to Shady Palms with Bindu, and Cullie came home with Aly. They’d had enough wine at dinner, so they made themselves hot chocolate in their favorite mugs and took them to the couch.
Aly had been determined to have a good time despite Ashish’s presence, but when she’d ended up having a good time, it had been disconcerting. But it was still worth it, because Aly couldn’t remember the last time Cullie had looked like this. Light. Happy. She was staring at her phone with the widest grin on her face. This had happened all through the evening. It had been happening a lot lately.
Even when Bindu and Aly had informed her that they were done with the dates and that they’d given her enough to go on, she’d thanked them and gotten to work with what she had, filled with purpose, not dread.
“So, are you going to tell me what that grin is about?” Aly asked.
Cullie looked up from her phone, and her grin did a weird thing where it both brightened and shook a little.
“You know that thing Binji was talking about when she said every woman deserves to meet someone who sees her the way she wants to be seen? Someone who makes her feel right?”
Aly sat up. For years Aly had trained herself to temper her reactions for Cullie so Cullie wouldn’t feel overwhelmed. Ever since the day of Bindu’s uncharacteristic outburst, Aly hadn’t been able to stop thinking about vulnerability.
Case in point: her daughter was opening up to her.
Cullie had seemed really strong these past couple of years. So Aly went for it. “Is it one of the dates? Do you feel like you met someone?”
“That makes it sound weird, Mom!” Cullie frowned.
Aly kicked herself for getting carried away, but then Cullie smiled again, this time tentatively.
“It’s not one of the dates.”
Aly should have known. It was the app. With Cullie it was always her work.
“I met him in a parking lot when I was throwing up. I know that sounds terrible.” But she was grinning in a most un-Cullie way, and it sounded anything but terrible. “It was right after Noseless Veterinarian.” She grinned again. Then she cleared her throat. “Mom?”
Aly made an encouraging sound. Too afraid to say actual words.
“You and Dad. Things were . . . they were okay today, right?”
This had to do with Ashish?
“Why do we have to bring your father into this?” Aly said, and Cullie’s grin disappeared.
“Sorry.”
Great going with the vulnerability, Aly!
Aly didn’t want Cullie to be sorry.
“No. I’m sorry.” Aly reached out and squeezed Cullie’s arm. “Seriously, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. You can mention your dad around me. I mean that.”
“Okay.”
“Cullie, please. What were you going to ask about your dad?”
Cullie took a sip of her hot chocolate. “With Dad . . . you grew up here, and he grew up in India. Was that . . . sorry, I know you don’t want to talk about Dad, but . . .” She trailed off.
Aly gave her arm another squeeze.
She thought about Ashish in that white linen shirt. All that they’d been. The effort he’d made today. Not once had he tried to step into the spotlight. He’d been content to listen as they discussed the app and what a disaster their research had been.
Bindu’s Worm Eater had made an appearance. Bindu had played the horror to the hilt, with an expression that said, rather loudly, Queens don’t share what they suffer. Well, she hadn’t suffered pubic hair extensions on a bodysuit.
Yes, Naked Art Guy had made several appearances too and made up most of the evening’s comedic entertainment.
“We weren’t always broken,” Aly said, before the invisible gag tightened around her words again. “When I met your father, what Ma said that day was exactly how it was. The way he saw me. That’s exactly who I wanted to be.” Her heart hurt as she said it, but it was also freeing. Crushing the block of ice that had encased her for so long.
“I’m sorry,” Cullie said again.
“I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to know that our divorce has nothing to do with you.”
“I’m twenty-five, Mom, you don’t need to do the ‘Mommy and Daddy will always love you’ bit.”
“That’s not what I’m doing . . . just . . . well, I want you to be able to talk to me. To ask me things. I know you’re uncomfortable talking to me about . . .” She made the effort not to use her hands, kept them in her lap. “Some of your struggles.”