And then I was on the verge of orgasm. But I held back. If I let myself go, I’d become hers. The chants had risen to shouts. I undulated my hips and clenched my jaw. Physical release would mean I was signing a contract, bonding myself to her forever. There would be no escape.
Words arose, and I didn’t know if they were from her or me:
Wouldn’t that be a relief?
When I came, the waves of pleasure seemed to go on forever, washing me clean. Now we floated in a great void. A buzzing hum surrounded us as thickly as wool. Her power had filled me, and until she moved I thought we’d merged into one.
She could’ve obliterated me if she wanted to. But she’d shown mercy instead.
“Thank you,” I breathed, quivering with gratitude, though my voice fell away in the blankness. And then she reached for me and we were melting together, our bodies their own swirling universe, and as I kissed down her glowing belly, all was fated and right.
PART THREE The Basement
Chapter 21
I woke slowly, consciousness seeping in like fog. I moved my legs, feeling my silky sheets catch against fabric. I was still wearing my clothes from the night before.
The quiet felt ominous. I finally sat up, groggy, blinking against sunlight bursting in from the windows. I slipped out of bed and padded to the desk. The wide expanse of the backyard was covered in huge snowdrifts. Beyond, the forest glittered, a sparkling white layer clinging to every branch and twig.
Slumping in my desk chair, I rubbed my eyes, trying to sort out the night before. The last thing I remembered was being in the basement with Poppy. She’d wanted to show me something. And then I’d happened upon… well, Lamia.
Had I fallen asleep in the basement and dreamed it? Or was it possible to have an LSD-induced hallucination that was that intense and realistic? And why didn’t I remember going back to my room?
I took a quick shower and headed to the kitchen, suddenly desperate to see other people. The Twilight Zone–esque thought came to me as I hopped down the stairs: What if everyone had disappeared? What if I found myself alone at Blackbriar, haunted by an erotic yet terrifying demoness?
“Hey!” Taylor sat at the table, wearing her LET ME LIVE sweatshirt. Her short blond hair was messy enough to resemble a Mohawk. She gave me a lazy grin. “How you feeling?”
“I’m okay.” I grabbed some coffee and sat a few seats away. “Pretty out of it. How about you?”
“I’m good.” She took a bite of oatmeal and chewed. “Wild night, huh?”
“Yeah. Really wild.” I slurped my coffee.
“What was the best part?” she asked.
I shook my head. I didn’t want to sound cagey, but I also didn’t want to reveal quite how fucked-up I’d been. I imagined Taylor’s response: Wow, you clearly needed to get laid, huh?
First Pete, then the dream with Wren, now this. Why did all my sexual experiences have to leave me feeling confusion and shame?
“It was all kind of a blur.” I forced myself to smile. “In a fun way. How about you?”
“Right on. Yeah, it was fun.” Taylor swirled her spoon. “I was tripping balls, man.”
“Me too.”
“Oh, hey.” Taylor’s brow knit. “Where did you and Poppy go? Upstairs? You weren’t at dinner.”
“Yeah.” At some point I had gone back upstairs. No need to get into the whole complicated story of why Poppy and I had gone into the basement when I didn’t know myself.
“Huh.” She rubbed her forehead. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I have no fucking clue how I’m going to write three thousand words today. But there are no days off in Roza’s house.”
“God, me neither.” The coffee was at least starting to help me feel less hazy. “Have you seen Keira?”
“Yeah.” Taylor grimaced. “She’s still pissed. Apparently she had a pretty bad trip up alone in her room.”
“That’s too bad.” I made a mental note to go check on her.
Taylor indicated the window. “Did you see the snow? Almost four feet.”
“Really? In one night?” I jumped up to look outside. The glittering drifts almost reached the bottom of the pane.
“Yeah. It’s been nonstop until now, basically. And it took out the power too. We’re running on generators.”
“And the phone?” A metallic panic rose in my throat. I tried to push it back down. This anxiety had to be a chemical aftereffect of the drug.
“Down too.” She picked up a piece of toast. “Don’t worry. It happens all the time up here, apparently. It’ll be fixed soon, I’m sure.”
“Great.” I bobbed my head. It felt necessary—important, even—to pretend that everything was fine.
* * *
“Alex.” Wren stood in my doorway. I’d been attempting to write for the past hour but no words would come. That feeling of doom had continued, nibbling away at me like tiny fish.
I whirled around, caught off guard. Wren was still in her pajamas, a matching tie-dye sweatshirt and sweatpants. Her forehead was lined, eyes wide with worry.
“What?” I asked, suddenly nervous. Wren and I had ignored each other since our argument. Her coming to me must mean that something was seriously wrong.
“I can’t find Poppy.” She perched on the edge of my bed.
“Poppy?” I echoed. “You haven’t seen her?”
“When I went to bed, she wasn’t there. And when I woke up she was still missing. I just checked the whole house and I can’t find her.”
I realized I was holding my breath and forced an exhale. No reason to panic yet. No reason to think that the hidden thing causing the foreboding was now coming into focus.
“She has to be somewhere,” I said. “Did you check the basement? She and I went down there last night.”
“You did?” She jumped up. “Let’s go look.”
Grabbing my phone, I followed Wren down the hall, trying to reason with myself. This unease was simply caused by chemicals, a depletion of dopamine or whatever that the LSD had used up. Poppy was almost certainly curled up in the basement where I’d left her. Wren was freaked out because Poppy was her new little codependent BFF and because she’d also been left jittery by the drug’s aftereffects.
Now I regretted wandering away from Poppy, drawn in by my hallucinations. She’d wanted to show me something—but what? That secret, too, was now tinged with unease.
In the kitchen, Chitra was chopping something at a cutting board. “Good morning!” She grinned. “Back from your trip?”
“Yep.” Wren glanced at me. Did Chitra know it hadn’t been our choice?
“Everything okay?” Chitra looked back and forth between us.
“That’s what we’re trying to figure out.” I opened the basement door.
“Where are you going?” Chitra’s sharp tone stopped me.
“We can’t find Poppy,” I said. “And she and I went down there last night.”
“Well, be careful.” Chitra turned back to the counter. “I’ve always said that door should be locked. There’s too much junk down there and not enough light. Someone could get hurt.”