I shake my head and place my hand on his arm. “It’s okay,” I tell him, steeling myself before I look up at him. “But you should know that I don’t want her hand-me-downs. I don’t want to be surrounded by the remains of your relationship with her. Our marriage might not be a conventional one, but I’d still like to ask you for a basic level of respect. I won’t live in her shadow throughout our entire marriage.”
“Of course,” he says, his voice soft. “I understand. I’m sorry. I’ll have her things packed up and delivered to her. How about that?”
I nod and look away, my heart aching. I wish I could tell him the full truth — that I don’t want to be reminded of how much he loves her, of the life he expected to build with her. I wish I could tell him to look at me and truly see me, just once.
Instead, I inhale shakily and walk toward the mirror, pausing in front of it. “I’m exhausted, and I honestly just want to go to bed.” I don’t have it in me to keep up the facade. “Can you help me with the buttons on the back?”
Ares walks up to me and stands behind me, his eyes on mine through the mirror. His touch is gentle as he pushes my hair over my shoulder, exposing the long row of buttons on my wedding dress. Even the dress I’m wearing tonight isn’t mine. I designed this for Hannah. It’s almost as though I’m stealing everything that used to be hers, and it doesn’t feel right.
Ares hesitates for a moment before unbuttoning the top button on my dress, a tormented expression on his face. He is no doubt thinking of Hannah, and how amazing she would have looked in this. What expression would he be wearing if it was Hannah standing in front of him tonight?
He pauses halfway through and looks up, his eyes meeting mine in the mirror. “How far do you want me to unbutton this?”
I force a smile onto my face and try my hardest to pretend that my heart isn’t racing, that I’m not affected by his touch. What does he see when he looks at me? Does a small part of him find me attractive at all?
“All the way,” I murmur. “The fabric is quite delicate, so I don’t want to damage it by trying to undo the buttons myself.”
He nods and tears his gaze away, refocusing on his task. Doesn’t he feel a single thing as he undresses me? The way he kissed me during the ceremony allowed me to pretend that our wedding wasn’t a farce, but the coldness he treated me with afterward took away any hope he’d inadvertently given me.
A shiver runs down my spine as his fingers brush against my skin, and I let my eyes fall closed for a moment, pretending tonight isn’t pure torment for him. In my fantasies, Ares wants me as much as I want him, his thoughts filled with nothing but me.
If things had been different between us, would he have laid me down on his bed, his touch impatient and heated? Instead of the carefulness he’s handling me with, would he be rough and frantic, the way he was so many years ago?
Ares takes his time unbuttoning my dress, until the back falls open. I expected him to step away, but instead he wraps his hands around my shoulders. I glance at him through the mirror to find him looking at me in a way he never has before. His eyes meet mine, and for a single second, I could’ve sworn I saw lust in them. What would he do if I turned around now and kissed him? I’m terrified of what might happen once Hannah realizes that I truly married Ares in her stead. The moment she comes back and asks for his forgiveness, my chance of making this marriage work will be gone.
I twirl around and place my hands against his chest, a fear I’ve never felt before dictating my moves. “Ares,” I whisper.
It’s almost as though my voice makes him snap out of the daze he was in, because he takes a step away from me and runs a hand through his hair. “Go to bed without me,” he says, his voice firm.
I nod, my thoughts whirling as he walks away. I suppose he’s trying to give me privacy, but that isn’t what I want.
I once told one of my close friends that if I ever thought I had a chance with the man I love, I’d give it my all, and I’d fight dirty if I have to. This is it. This is my chance.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Raven
The sound of knocking wakes me, and I blink, disoriented, my gaze dropping to Ares next to me. I didn’t think we’d ever find ourselves in this position… waking up together, married.
Another knock sounds on the door, and I sit up, letting the sheets bunch around my waist. “Ares,” I murmur.
“Hmm?” He blinks lazily and turns toward me, sighing as his eyes flutter open. “Raven,” he whispers dreamily. His eyes leisurely roam over the black lace nightie I’m wearing, lingering on my breasts for a moment. He didn’t come to bed until I fell asleep, and I wasn’t sure he’d be next to me this morning at all. It wouldn’t have surprised me if he spent the night on the sofa. It can’t have been easy for him to have me in his bed when it’s my sister he wants.
“Ares, sweetheart,” Donna calls. “There’s… there’s someone at the entrance.”
I tense and let my eyes fall closed. “Hannah,” I whisper. Guilt hits me hard, followed by intense shame. “What are we going to tell her?” I ask, my voice trembling.
Ares sits up and turns toward me, exposing the blue checkered pajamas he’s wearing. Hannah has matching ones. The mere sight of him makes me feel sick to my stomach. Did he wear them because he misses her, or is she so deeply entrenched in his life that he can’t detangle everything they were?
Ares stares at me for a moment, no doubt noting my anxiety. “What do you want me to say to her?”
I look down at my hands and inhale deeply before speaking. “I want you to tell her what you told me at the altar. You told me you’d give me your all, Ares. I’m asking you to keep that promise. I know how much you love her, but I won’t let you cheat on me — nor will I let you embarrass me. I demand the respect I’m due as your wife, the respect you would’ve shown Hannah if she hadn’t left you at the altar yesterday.”
He looks away and nods sharply. “Understood,” he simply says. I look up in surprise to find him smiling at me reassuringly, as though he can read the fears I try so hard to hide.
“Let’s get ready,” he tells me. “She’ll want to speak to both of us, I’m sure. I’ll leave you to use our ensuite bathroom, and I’ll head over to the bathroom in our gym.”
I nod and slip out of bed, a thousand different worries running through my mind. I don’t want to see them together. Somehow, I’ve been existing in this fictional world that Hannah isn’t part of. I’ve been convincing myself that I could outrun her, and that I’d get away with taking her place.
I knew I couldn’t run forever.
I’m surprised to find Ares sitting on his bed when I walk out of the dressing room, a towel pressed to his wet hair. I thought he’d have gone to speak to Hannah in private, yet here he is, waiting for me.
“Ready?” he asks as he stands up.
I shake my head. “No,” I admit. I know what my sister is like. She’s always been a talented actress, and not even I can withstand her skills. I’m scared that my resolve will crumble once I come eye to eye with her.