I nod hesitantly, worried for a reason I can’t quite identify. I suppose I’m scared to truly step into my role as Mrs. Windsor. I’m scared that this thing that appears to be growing between Ares and me will fall apart. I’m scared my heart will end up shattered and trampled.
“What’s wrong?” Ares asks, his voice soft.
My eyes drop to his simple platinum wedding ring. He hasn’t taken it off since the day we got married, and that should fill me with relief, but all it does is heighten my anxiety. It’s the ring Hannah chose for him.
“Let me pick a new ring for you, too.” The words leave my lips before I even realize what I’m saying, and shame soon follows. I don’t want to be petty and jealous, but I can’t help myself. I don’t want anything related to our marriage to be tied to her, yet how could it ever be so, when she’s the very reason we got married at all?
Ares looks at his ring and pulls his hand out of mine. For a moment, I’m certain he’ll reject my request, but then he takes off his ring and places it on the table. “Of course,” he says simply. “Pick whatever you’d like.”
I smile nervously as I grab my tablet and scroll to a different design before showing it to Mr. Laurier. “I want a plain, wide yellow gold band for Ares, with a very subtle feather engraving all over.”
He grins at me and nods. “A raven’s feather, I assume?”
I nod, my cheeks burning. Ares chuckles as he wraps his arm around my shoulder, his touch tender. “I like it.” He turns toward Mr. Laurier then. “I want my rings within two weeks, and I only want the very best stones you can find for my wife.”
My eyes widen, and I tap his foot with mine cautiously. Has he lost his mind? Does he have any idea how long the waiting list for any of Mr. Laurier's designs is? It’s an honor to be here at all, yet here he is, about to get us kicked out.
“Certainly, Mr. Windsor. I will personally deliver them to your home.”
What? I try my hardest to keep the shock off my face, but the way Ares smirks lets me know I failed.
“Let’s go home,” he tells me, offering me his hand. I take it, and Mr. Laurier walks us out, repeatedly thanking us for putting our trust in him.
“You okay?” Ares asks as he leads me to his car. I nod, and he holds the door open for me, a frown on his face. Ares waits until I’m seated until he rushes around the car. I’ve seen him do this for Hannah countless times, and it always made me feel so envious as I sat in the backseat, watching the two of them together. I always hoped to have him to myself one day, yet now that he’s legally mine, it all feels so empty. It feels like I’m on borrowed time. I’m trying so hard not to lose faith, but I can’t get my conversation with Hannah out of my head.
“Raven,” Ares says, turning toward me. He leans over me and grabs my seatbelt, his face so close to mine that a simple turn of my head would have my lips brushing over his. If he truly was mine, that’s exactly what I’d do. I’d bury my hands in his hair, and I’d kiss him so hard he’d be dying to get us to the privacy of our home. But he isn’t mine. Not truly. “You’ve been quiet since we walked out, baby. What’s wrong?”
I look up at him, unsure of what to say. “Don’t call me that,” I whisper. “Don’t call me by the names you used to call my sister.”
He stares at me, his gaze searching as he reaches for me, his hand cupping my face gently. “I’ve never called her baby, Rave. Not even once. That name is for no one but you, Mrs. Windsor. Do you dislike it?”
I stare at him in disbelief. “No,” I murmur. “I don’t dislike it.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
“I feel guilty,” I tell him honestly. “I feel guilty and torn. I’m scared of feeling even a single moment of happiness with you because I can’t help but fear that it’ll all be ripped away from me. You’re my husband, yet I don’t dare think of you that way, let alone…”
“Let alone what?” He looks into my eyes, his full, undivided attention on me.
“Let alone touch you that way.” I avert my gaze and inhale shakily. “I just want what any other woman would want, Ares. I want a happy marriage of my own. I don’t want to spend some of the best years of my life being a stand-in. I don’t want to deprive myself of anything I desire, yet I can’t take what I want without hurting others, without making you—”
Ares leans in and kisses me, cutting me off roughly as his lips take mine with an urgency I didn’t expect. A soft moan escapes my lips, and his hand threads through my hair, his grip tight as he forces my lips open. The way he kisses me leaves me breathless and needy for more. More of the way he’s making me feel, more of the way he’s taking away every single doubt, even if it’s just for a moment.
He pulls away and drops his forehead against mine, his breathing as ragged as mine is. “You’re not a stand-in, Raven. You’re my wife. It’s my honor and duty to make sure all your needs are met, whatever they might be — I don’t care if it’s the interior of our home, our wedding rings, or the way we interact with each other. If you want it to change, it’ll change. We didn’t start off right, but allow me to make amends, baby. This is new to me too, but I don’t do things halfheartedly. I’m a Windsor, Raven, and you know as well as I do that marriage means something in the Windsor family. The moment I married you, I became yours. Maybe my heart isn’t quite there yet, and maybe it never will be, but everything else is yours. Only yours. So take what you want. Ask for anything you want. If it’s within my power, I’ll give it to you.”
“Even if what I’m asking for is your body? Your devotion? Passion? What if what I want is everything that used to be hers?”
He smiles as he caresses my cheek with the back of his fingers. “I’m yours,” he repeats. “And there’s nothing I’d rather do than make you mine in return.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Raven
I can barely think straight as Ares pulls up in front of our house, my thoughts ruled by desire and fear in equal parts. His lips felt perfect against mine, and that kiss was everything I’ve ever wanted. This one was different somehow. It was even better than the memory that sustained my love for him for so many years, yet it wasn’t enough. It’s odd how much more intimate a single kiss can be, compared to everything else we’ve done.
Ares seems on edge as he walks around the car, his expression unreadable. He offers me his hand, and I take it hesitantly. Never in a million years did I think we’d find ourselves together in this way, yet part of me feels like we were inevitable.
My fingers curl around his, and he holds onto me tightly as we walk to our front door, an unfamiliar tension filling the distance between us. I’m scared he’s already regretting kissing me, or that he only did it because he feels like it’s part of his duties as my husband. The way he’s been touching me lately… I want it to be real. I know how much he values marriage, and it wouldn’t surprise me if he’s chosen to put my needs above his because of it. That isn’t what I want. I want all of him, truly, fully, and freely given.