“Hannah!” I snap, unable to take the pain in Raven’s eyes.
She smiles at me and shrugs. “It’s true. Can you deny it, Ares? Tell me you no longer love me.”
“You need to leave.”
Her eyes widen in surprise. “What?”
“Don’t make me repeat myself. I warned you to respect my marriage, Hannah. After everything you’ve put us through, that’s all I’ve asked of you. You’re forgetting that it’s Raven who paid the price for your choices. She deserves better than this — from both of us.”
Her eyes fill with guilt, and she looks away for a moment. “I just…”
“You need to leave,” I repeat, my tone softer now.
She looks contrite and nods before she turns to Raven, who is staring at the wall, her body tense. “Rave, I’m sorry. You know what I’m like, right? I let my emotions get the best of me, and I was jealous. I know you two wouldn’t do that to me, but I just couldn’t see clearly. I’m sorry, Rave.”
Raven nods, but doesn’t look at her sister. Hannah glances at me apologetically, and I shake my head, silently pleading with her to just leave. She sighs and walks away, the sound of the door slamming closed following shortly after.
“Raven,” I murmur. “I’m sorry. She shouldn’t have said all that. I think she’s just been having a hard time with everything that’s going on. You know her heart is in the right place, right? She’s just hurting and lashing out.”
Raven looks up at me, and my heart fucking shatters when I see the tears in her eyes. Raven rarely cries. I can count the times I’ve seen her cry on one hand. It’s Hannah who bursts into tears over the smallest matter, but never Raven. A tear drops down her cheek, and my heart clenches painfully.
“Forget it,” she says, her voice trembling. “She’s right, after all. It’ll always be her you’ll love, right? Even if we sleep together, it’ll be her you’re thinking of. I might be the woman in your arms, but it’s her you’ll truly want. I’ll never be more than a replacement to you.”
I walk up to her and grab her shoulders, a sense of desperation washing over me. I’ve never felt such intense need to take away someone’s pain. “Raven, you know that isn’t true. You are not a replacement. You meant the world to me before we even got married. You’ve always been one of my closest friends.”
She looks up sharply, her torment mixing with anger. “Did you see me as a friend when you fucked my face just now, Ares?”
“Fuck, Raven. You know that’s not what I meant.”
She pushes against me and walks away, pausing by the door. “You said you feel trapped in this marriage, but how do you think I feel? I was forced to marry someone I’ll never stand a chance with — someone who will never even be able to look at me without thinking of my sister. Have you ever stopped to think about what I might have wanted out of a marriage? I want happiness too, Ares. I can see now that you will never give me that, no matter what I do. I’ll never be her. When given a choice between hurting either of us, it’s always me you’ll choose. I’ll never be your priority, not truly.”
She grits her teeth as another tear runs down her beautiful face, and then she walks out, the door falling closed behind her softly. Raven has always been a quiet storm, unexpected yet powerful, and despite what she might think, I never stood a chance against her.
Chapter Forty-Three
Raven
“You haven’t been yourself today,” John says. “Your facial expressions were off during your shoot this morning. Are you sure you’re fine to walk this show?”
I nod as I play with the hem of my robe. All day, my thoughts have been on Ares’s words. Hearing him say that he felt trapped broke my heart. This situation isn’t ideal for either of us, but I thought that… I thought he started to have feelings for me.
When he took me to Castello Designs and then to the Lauriers, I thought that was progress for us. Now I see that he was only trying to do right by me. What Ares considers the right thing to do isn’t the same as what his heart desires.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say, trying my best to clear my mind and knowing I won’t be able to. I’m filled with heartache, shame and regret. Each time I think of the way I measured his body, the outfits I’ve been wearing around the house… damn it. I’ve been making a fool of myself, and to him it’s probably just been one long guilt-trip. I should’ve believed him that day I sat in his lap, when he told me that he’d never truly want me. I can get his body to react to me, but he’ll never want me the way he wants Hannah. The memories of everything I’ve done and tried disgust me. I’ve never been this person. I’ve never forced my affection on anyone else, yet that’s exactly what I’ve been doing to Ares. Hope made me courageous to the point that I sacrificed my dignity, and what for?
“You’re not fine, Raven.” John places a hand on my shoulder and looks at me with genuine concern in his eyes. “Are you overwhelmed with work? Have I been scheduling too much in for you? Or is it something else… is it Windsor? He’s given us complete control over your schedule with just a few caveats, but you need to tell me if he’s pressuring you in private.”
I look into his eyes, unsure what to even say. It’s been a really long time since I wanted to rely on someone. The urge to ask him for a hug and cry until my heart stops aching nearly overwhelms me.
“I just didn’t sleep well,” I say eventually, dragging my gaze down as I undo the knot on my robe, letting it fall open. The designer should be in any minute now to dress me.
John’s eyes dip down, and for a moment I wonder what he sees. The world tells me I’m irresistible, yet the only man I’ve ever wanted doesn’t think the same. Am I just an object of desire for those that don’t know me? Is it my personality that makes me unappealing?
“Are you okay, Rave? I’m worried about you. Did Ares Windsor do something to you?”
I force a smile for him and shake my head. “We had an argument, but that’s all it was. I suppose that’s just what marriage is like, right? It can’t always be perfect.”
John starts to speak but is interrupted when the door opens. We both turn around, expecting the designer to walk in with the gown I’m supposed to wear, but instead, it’s Ares. He pauses when his eyes land on me, the bags underneath his eyes identical to mine. I spent the night at Sierra’s and he kept texting me all night, neither of us able to sleep.
Ares’s eyes trail down to my exposed chest, and pure rage settles in his eyes. He walks toward me and slips out of his jacket, his stride confident yet rushed. “Raven,” he says, my name sounding like a warning as he wraps his jacket around my shoulders and pulls me toward him.
He glances at John and grits his teeth. “Excuse us, please. I need a moment with my wife.”
John looks at me, and I nod. He hesitates for a moment, but then he walks away, the door falling closed behind him.
“Raven,” he repeats, his tone softer now. “What was that? Why are you… you’re half-naked in front of him. Is there something going on between you two?”