I remain silent as Mom stares at me. The truth is that I don’t have an answer for her. Yes, it would be nice to have harmony, but for who? In the scenario we’ve found ourselves in, someone is bound to get hurt, and for once, I won’t let it be me.
“Oh,” Mom says. “Good. They’re talking.”
I tense and follow her gaze. The kitchen window looks out to the veranda, where Hannah and Ares are standing, lost in conversation. The way he’s looking at her makes me feel sick. I know that half smile. It’s how he’s always looked at her, as though he finds everything she does endearing.
I try so hard to be strong, but watching the two of them from here, where they think we can’t see us, fills me with insecurity. He was so assertive and drew a clear boundary between them that day in the theater, but was that just because I was there? Was he just doing what he considered the right thing to do?
I bite down on my lip harshly, annoyed with myself for doubting him. This is what this home does to me. It fills me with insecurity and heartache. It doesn’t matter how much I grow as a person. Every single time I go home, it feels like I’ve taken ten steps back.
I grit my teeth and wash my hands, leaving half the dishes in the sink as I walk out of the kitchen.
“Raven!” Mom shouts, her tone angry. I ignore her and walk onto the veranda, finding Ares and Hannah by the swing in the corner.
They both look up at me, and Hannah tenses. “Raven,” she says, forcing a smile. It hurts that this is what our relationship has become. When I look at her, it isn’t my sister I see anymore.
I let my eyes roam over her leisurely, pausing on her hand for a moment. “You’re not wearing your wedding ring,” I say, my tone nonchalant. “You know, the one you told me Ares gave you?”
Her eyes widen, and she shoots him a furtive look before looking back at me. “No, I stored it away safely. I didn’t want to risk anyone asking questions about it.”
Ares grabs my hand and lifts it to his lips, kissing the back of my hand and positioning it so my wedding ring sparkles in the light just right. “Just wear it if you want,” he tells her. “It’s a relatively simple piece of jewelry. It’s nothing but a relic from the past.”
Hannah clears her throat and looks down at the floor, leaving me feeling torn. I don’t want to knowingly hurt her, but I want the reassurance that Ares’s touch gives me.
“You know,” she says. “Tonight is the first night in years that the three of us will all be spending the night here. We should play some board games or something.”
Ares wraps his arm around me and shakes his head. “Perhaps some other night,” he tells her, before turning to me. “I’m pretty tired.” The way he smirks at me tells me he’s not tired at all, and I suspect Hannah knows it. “How about we head to bed?”
Chapter Fifty-Three
Ares
“You’ve been quiet all evening,” I murmur as I walk out of Raven’s bathroom. I lean back against the wall and watch my wife. She’s in nothing but a towel, seated in front of her vanity with a blank expression. She’s been combing her hair for several minutes now when it rarely takes her more than a few moments. I can pretty much guess what’s going through her mind.
She looks up at me through the mirror and forces a smile as she puts her hairbrush down, but she makes no move to come near me. Instead, her gaze travels back to her face, and the way she stares at her reflection breaks my heart.
She and I have been existing in an environment that has been wholly supportive of our marriage. Everyone around us has acted like my past with Hannah is non-existent, and the fact that very few people ever even knew about Hannah and me made it much easier to live in our facade.
I expected this trip to be hard, but this has exceeded my expectations in the worst way. I should have done more to make her feel better, but there’s nothing I could have done without breaking my promise to her. She asked me to keep the peace and put her father first, and I’ve tried my best to do so… but I shouldn’t have.
“Raven.”
I walk up to her and grab her hand, pulling her to her feet in one swift motion. She’s gasps as she crashes into me, and I wrap my arms around her with a smile on my face.
“Ares,” she says, her voice soft and filled with anguish. She’s stiff in my embrace, and it pains me. She isn’t herself here, and I wish I could just take her home.
“Cupcake,” I whisper as I lean in, my lips brushing over hers. She tenses, and a sense of loss washes over me. Normally she’d have smiled as she rises to her tiptoes, kissing me in that way she knows drives me insane. But here, now, she avoids my touch.
I let my fingers trails up her spine, until I’ve got them buried in her hair, my grip tight. I force my wife to face me, yet she still defies me, averting her gaze. “Baby, look at me.”
She inhales shakily as her long lashes flutter for a moment before she looks up at me, her eyes filled with tears. Fuck.
“Ares,” she whispers, my name a plea on her lips. “Please don’t. I can’t do this tonight. I can’t keep up the pretence tonight.”
“We stopped pretending long ago, Raven, and you know it.”
She looks into my eyes, and my beautiful, strong wife… looks broken. “Did we?” she asks. “Or are we just fooling ourselves?”
She tears her gaze away and pushes against my chest, but there’s no way I’m letting her go. Not now. Not like this.
“Just now, Hannah mentioned this would be the first time in years that the three of us would be spending the night in the same house, didn’t she? Do you know why that is, Ares?”
I shake my head, unable to tear my eyes off her. My heart is racing, and a deep sense of dread fills me. Even though I’ve got her in my arms, it feels like I’m losing her.
She looks into my eyes as a tear runs down her cheek, and I catch it with my thumb. “It’s because I could hear you two,” she whispers. “That wall my bed is pushed up against? Hannah’s bed is on the other side of that wall. Every single time you stayed over, I could hear you two. I could hear her moaning your name. I could hear how badly you wanted her, how loving you were with her.”
Fuck. Fuck.
“I thought I was over it, you know? But the memories still plague me. It still hurts, Ares. I thought I’d be able to deal with the pain, but seeing you with her today? I…”
She pushes against my chest again, and I tighten my grip on her hair, tilting her face toward mine as I lower my lips to hers. Raven inhales shakily as my lips brush against hers, and I kiss her tenderly, slowly, taking my time with her, reassuring her in the only way I know how to.
Her arms wrap around my neck, and I pull her flush against me as I deepen our kiss, my tongue brushing over her lips in a demand for more. She opens up for me, and I take my time teasing my wife, proving to her she’s the only one I want.
The distant sound of a door closing makes her pull away, the passion I’d lit in her dousing as she takes a step away from me, her gaze wandering to the wall by her bed. I suppose Hannah just walked into her bedroom, but I won’t let that deter me. The ferocity with which I want to reassure my wife startles even me. I’m not even remotely concerned about Hannah — Raven is all I can think about.