I ball my fist as I suppress the urge to snap at her. “She hasn’t,” I say, my voice calm. “No one has the power to make another stop loving someone, Hannah. She didn’t steal me away from you. You and I were done long before you chose to walk away. What you and I had… it was born out of obligation.”
“And what you have with her isn’t?”
I look away and shake my head. “No. It’s different with her. I had no intention of making it work with her. If anything, I wanted to give her as much freedom as she possibly could’ve wanted. I had no expectations when it came to Raven, yet over time, I found myself wanting more and more of her.” I look into her eyes and inhale deeply. “I think you know as well as I do that what I have with her was years in the making. I just didn’t realize it.”
Genuine pain flashes through her eyes, and she flinches. “Is this really what it’s going to be like, Ares? Is our child going to grow up with parents that can’t even have one single conversation that isn’t drenched in mutual resentment?”
I look away, unable to even imagine a future for the four of us. I take a deep breath and push a stack of papers her way.
“If you and I are having a child together, we’ll need to come to an agreement about how we’re raising it.”
She picks up the documents, her eyes widening. “You want to adopt the baby?”
I nod. “Let’s be real, Hannah. You can’t raise a child, but I can. Raven and I can. I want full custody, and you’ll get full visitation rights. You’ll be able to continue filming and working. Your life won’t be impacted at all, and our child will be raised in a loving home. He or she won’t lack anything.”
Hannah swipes the papers off the counter, and they go flying before they reach the floor. “I will never give up on my child,” she says, her voice breaking. “How could you ask something like that of me?”
“I’m not asking you to give the baby up, Hannah. You’d be able to see our child whenever you wanted. Surely this is in your best interests, too? You’ve always loved your career above all else. This will allow you to see your child without the obligations motherhood would bring you.”
She shakes her head. “Do you think I’m stupid, Ares? Do you really think I’ll let you take away my child? I sign away my rights, and next thing I know, I’m cut out of your lives. I won’t let that happen. Tell me, was that Raven’s idea? Isn’t it enough for her to be a home wrecker? Isn’t it enough that she’s forcing this child to grow up in a broken home?”
“Watch your mouth,” I snap. “I’m fucking sick of you putting words in her mouth and blaming her for things she hasn’t done. You walked away, Hannah. End of story. Raven is my wife, and so help me God, you will respect her. Don’t try this fucking shit with me. She might let you get away with this bullshit, but I won’t. If you’re going to be part of our lives, you’d better learn your fucking place.”
She raises her hands and claps slowly, even as tears stream down her face. “Well done,” she tells me. “You’ve become such a good whipped little puppy. What the hell has she done to you, huh? Do you really think I don’t realize that these aren’t your words? I’ve been with you for years, Ares, and in all that time, you’ve never once spoken to me that way, no matter how bad our arguments got. Yet now, with Raven around, you’re suddenly acting all different, and I’m supposed to believe it isn’t because of her? Is this how our child is going to grow up, Ares? With a father that disrespects their mother because their slut of a stepmom told him to? What else will you do to our child and me just because she tells you to?”
I smile at her humorlessly. “You never fucking knew me at all, Hannah. You wonder why I fell for her so hard, so quickly? It’s because I never loved you in the first place. You were an obligation, someone I tolerated and placated because I had no other choice. I never lost my patience with you because I never truly gave a fuck about you.”
She jumps off her seat and approaches me. “Is that what helps you sleep at night?” she asks, her finger digging into my chest. “Are you truly going to stand here and reduce everything we shared to a mere obligation? Is that what our child is to you, too?” She places a hand on her stomach and sniffs. “Does no part of you want to raise this baby with me? Don’t you want what’s best for our child? Are you truly so blinded by Raven that you can’t see how much you’re hurting me? How much your actions will end up hurting our baby? She’ll never love our child the way I’ll love them. How could she possibly accept and love a kid that isn’t hers, that reminds her of your past with me?”
I run a hand through my hair, at a loss. This isn’t how I saw this conversation going. I shouldn’t have lost my patience with her. If I’d acted the way I always used to with her, I might have gotten her to sign.
“Ares,” she says, blinking rapidly. “I… I don’t feel well.”
She scrunches her brows, and then her body sways. I reach for her and pull her into me just as she faints, her body going slack in my embrace.
“Fuck! Get me a doctor!”
Chapter Sixty
Raven
I park my car and stare at the front door, trying to gather the courage to walk in. All day, all I’ve thought about is Hannah’s pregnancy, and what it means for all of us. Now, more so than ever, I’m racked with guilt. It consumes me, spreading its poison until I’m left second-guessing every decision I’ve made. I’ve never felt so selfish, so horrible.
When I married Ares, I wondered if there would come a day that I’d regret it. At the time, I convinced myself that what I’d regret most would be the things I didn’t do. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Ares and Hannah are going to be a family, whether I like it or not. They’ll share an unbreakable bond, and I’ll always be a third party. Because of the decision I made, I’m taking away an innocent child’s chance to grow up with both of their parents as one united front. If I hadn’t married Ares, the two of them would’ve found out about the pregnancy together, while they were rescheduling their wedding. It would’ve brought them together, bridging the distance Hannah’s career had created over the years. Maybe it still will.
I inhale shakily and open my car door. I’ve never dreaded coming home as much as I do tonight. No matter what was going on, I’d always been eager to see Ares. Yet tonight I can’t face him.
How do I face the man I love, knowing what I did? I chose to marry him knowing that if I hadn’t, Grandma would have forgiven Hannah and accepted her into the family, eventually. I came between them because I was selfish, and now I’m paying the price.
I walk into the house I’ve come to love so much, the home Ares and I built, and it all feels so impermanent. Just as I convinced myself to choose happiness, to put myself first… life showed me that I don’t deserve it.
I tense when I hear Grandma’s voice, my heart racing. I should’ve known that it wouldn’t take her long to find out about this. No doubt, she’ll be excited to welcome her first great-grandchild, and it’s going to kill me to watch her fuss over Hannah. It’s like every single thing I want out of life can’t be mine if it isn’t Hannah’s first.