“Bridge…”
“What?” My heart pounded faster. His tone, his expression, the tight set of his shoulders. Whatever he had to say, I wouldn’t like it.
He looked down. “You’re going to hate me for this.”
I tightened my grip on my reins. “Just tell me.”
“Before I do, I want you to know I didn’t plan for this to happen,” Nikolai said. “I never expected to meet Sabrina and fall in love with her, nor did I expect this is where we’d be two years later.”
Confusion mingled with my apprehension. What does Sabrina have to do with this?
“I wanted to tell you earlier,” he added. “But then Grandfather got hospitalized and everything was so crazy…” His throat bobbed with a hard swallow. “Bridge, I asked Sabrina to marry me. And she said yes.”
Of everything I’d expected him to say, that wasn’t it. Not by a long shot.
I didn’t know Sabrina well, but I liked her. She was sweet and funny and made my brother happy. That was enough for me. I didn’t understand why he would be nervous about telling me. “Nik, that’s amazing. Congratulations! Did you tell Grandfather already?”
“Yes.” Nikolai was still watching me with a guilty look in his eyes.
My smile faded. “Was he upset? I know he wasn’t happy when you started dating because—” I stopped. Icy fingers crawled down my spine as the pieces finally clicked. “Wait,” I said slowly. “You can’t marry Sabrina. She’s not of noble blood.”
That was the law talking, not me. Eldorra’s Royal Marriages Law stipulated the monarch must marry someone of noble birth. It was archaic but ironclad, and as the future king, Nikolai fell under the law’s jurisdiction.
“No,” Nikolai said. “She’s not.”
I stared at him. It was so quiet I could hear the leaves rustle as they fluttered to the ground. “What are you saying?”
Dread ballooned in my stomach, growing and growing until it squeezed all the air from my lungs.
“Bridget, I’m abdicating.”
The balloon popped, leaving pieces of dread scattered throughout my body. My heart, my throat, my eyes and fingers and toes. I was so consumed by it I couldn’t speak for a good minute.
“No.” I blinked, hoping it would wake me up from my nightmare. It didn’t. “You’re not. You’re going to be king. You’ve been training for it all your life. You can’t just throw that away.”
“Bridget—”
“Don’t.” Everything around me blurred, the colors of the leaves and sky and grass blending into one crazy, multicolored hellscape. “Nik, how could you?”
Normally, I could reason my way out of anything, but reason had fled, leaving me with nothing except pure emotion and a sickening sensation in my stomach.
I can’t be queen. Icanticanticant.
“You think I want to do this?” Nikolai’s face tightened. “I know what a big deal it is. I’ve been agonizing over it for months, trying to find loopholes and reasons I should walk away from Sabrina. But you know what Parliament is like. How traditional it is. They would never overturn the law, and I…” He sighed, suddenly looking much older than his twenty-seven years. “I can’t walk away from her, Bridge. I love her.”
I closed my eyes. Of all the reasons Nikolai could’ve chosen for abdicating, he’d picked the one I couldn’t fault him for.
I’d never been in love, but I’d dreamt of it all my life. To find that grand, sweeping love, the kind worth giving up a kingdom for.
Nikolai had found his. How could I begrudge him something I would myself give up my soul for?
When I opened my eyes again, he was still there, sitting tall and proud on his horse. Looking every inch the king he would never be.
“When?” I asked in a resigned tone.
A smidge of relief softened his expression. He’d probably expected more of a fight, but the stress of the past month had drained all the fight out of me. It wouldn’t do any good, anyway. Once my brother set his mind on something, he didn’t back down.
Stubbornness ran in our entire family.
“We’ll wait until the furor’s died down over Grandfather’s hospitalization. Maybe another month or two. You know how the news cycle is these days. It’ll be old news by then. We’ll keep the engagement a secret until then too. Elin’s already working on a press statement and plan, and—”
“Wait.” I held up one hand. “Elin already knows?”
A pink flush stole over Nikolai’s cheekbones when he realized his mistake. “I had to—”
“Who else knows?” Thud. Thud. Thud. My heart sounded abnormally loud to my ears. I wondered if I had a heart condition too, like my grandfather. I also wondered what would happen if Nikolai abdicated and I died right there in the saddle. “Who else did you tell before me?”
I bit out the words. Each one tasted bitter, coated with betrayal.
“Just Elin, Grandfather, and Markus. I had to tell them.” Nikolai didn’t back down from my glare. “Elin and Markus have to get out in front of this, politically and press-wise. They need time.”
A wild laugh emerged from my throat. I’d never made such a feral sound in my life, and my brother flinched at the sound.
“They need time? I need time, Nik!” Freedom. Love. Choice. Things I’d already had so little of, gone forever. Or they would be after Nikolai officially announced his abdication. “I need the two-and-a-half decades you’ve already had, preparing you for the throne. I need not to feel like an afterthought in a decision that’ll change my entire life. I need…” I need to get out of here.
Otherwise, I might do something crazy, like punch my brother in the face.
I’d never punched a person before, but I’d watched enough movies to get the gist.
Instead of finishing my sentence, I urged my horse into a canter, then a full-on gallop. Breathe. Just breathe.
“Bridget, wait!”
I ignored Nikolai’s shout and spurred the horse faster until the trees whizzed by in a blur.
Bridget, I’m abdicating.
His words echoed in my head, taunting me.
I had never, not once in my life, entertained the possibility Nikolai wouldn’t take over the throne. He’d wanted to be king. Everyone had wanted him to be king. He’d been ready.
Me? I didn’t think I’d ever be ready.
When did Nikolai propose to Sabrina? How long had everyone known? Was his planned abdication part of the reason for Grandfather’s collapse?
I didn’t remember seeing an engagement ring on Sabrina’s finger at the hospital, but if they were keeping it under wraps until the announcement, she wouldn’t be wearing one.
I was in the dark about something that affected me more than anyone except Nikolai, and I was so consumed by my inner turmoil I didn’t notice the low-hanging branch speeding toward me until it was too late.
Pain exploded on my forehead. I fell off my horse and landed on the ground with a hard thud, and the last thing I remembered seeing was the storm clouds roll in overhead before darkness swallowed me whole.
12
Rhys
I sensed trouble before I even entered the palace’s reception hall, where I heard Prince Nikolai talking in low murmurs. The hairs on the back of my neck prickled, and though I couldn’t make out what Bridget’s brother was saying, the stressed pitch of his voice set alarms blaring in my head.