“Madeline and I are over. We never even started.”
“That’s not what she told me.”
I cocked my head at her stiff tone. “Are you…jealous?” The thought pleased me more than it should’ve.
“No.” With her scowl and fluffy gray top, she looked like an angry kitten. “As if. So what if she’s tall and blonde and looks like a Victoria’s Secret model? She’s a horrible person. Next time I see her, I’m going Krav Maga on her ass.”
I bit back a full smile. Ava had attended all of one lesson. It’d be a while before she went anything on anyone’s ass, but her indignation was adorable.
“She won’t be bothering you again.” I grew serious. “The pool—”
“I thought I was going to die.”
I flinched, horror skating through me at the thought.
“I thought I was going to die because I can’t swim and I have this stupid phobia and I am so sick of it.” Ava fisted her covers, her mouth tight. “I hate feeling helpless and out of control in my own life. Do you know one of my biggest dreams is to travel the world and I can’t even do that because the idea of flying over an ocean makes me sick?” She took a deep, shaky breath. “I want to see what’s out there. The Eiffel Tower, the pyramids of Egypt, the Great Wall of China. I want to meet new people and try new things and live life, but I can’t. I’m trapped. When I was in that pool, thinking those were my last moments…I realized I’ve done none of the things I want to do. If I died tomorrow, I’d die with a lifetime of regrets, and that terrified me even more than the water.” She looked up at me, her big brown eyes wide and vulnerable. “That’s why I need you to do something for me.”
This time, I was the one who swallowed hard. “What is it, Sunshine?”
“I need you to teach me to swim.”
19
Ava
If I had to describe Alex Volkov, a litany of words came to mind. Cold. Beautiful. Ruthless. Genius.
“Patient” wasn’t one of them. It wasn’t even in the top thousand.
But over the past few weeks, I had to admit I might have to bump it up on the list, because he’d been nothing but patient as he guided me through a series of visualization and meditation exercises to prepare me for my first real swimming session.
If you’d told me two months ago that I would be “visualizing” and “meditating” with Alex freakin’ Volkov, I would’ve laughed my ass off, but sometimes reality is stranger than fiction. And you know what? The exercises helped. I’d visualize myself standing near a body of water, then use deep breathing and relaxation techniques to calm myself. I started small, with pools and ponds, and worked my way up to lakes. Alex also started taking me to bodies of water so I could get more comfortable near them. I even dipped my toe into a pool.
I wasn’t cured of my fear of water, but I could think about it now without having a panic attack—most of the time. The thought of flying over an ocean still made me sick to my stomach, but we’d get there.
The most important thing was, I had hope. If I worked long and hard enough, then maybe one day, I would finally conquer the fear that had haunted me for as long as I could remember.
But that wasn’t the only seismic change in my life. Something had shifted in my relationship with Alex. He was no longer just my brother’s best friend, but my friend too, though some of the thoughts I had toward him were less than platonic. What I’d felt during our photoshoot was nothing compared to the fantasies running through my mind now.
He will take you from behind. Choke and fuck you till you see stars. Call you the filthiest names and treat you like a slut.
That was the one snippet from my horrible conversation with Madeline I couldn’t forget. Every time I thought about it, my thighs clenched and warmth flooded my lower belly. I was also ashamed to admit that yes, I’d masturbated to fantasies of Alex doing…those things to me more than once.
Not that he would. He’d been frustratingly composed since my pool incident—no heated gazes, no lingering touches, no trace of the desire I’d seen on his face in that photo from our shoot.
I hoped that would change tonight.
“I’m nervous.” Stella crouched behind the couch; she was so tall she had to bend all the way so her dark curls didn’t peek out from the top. “Are you nervous?”
“No,” I lied. I was definitely nervous.
It was Alex’s birthday, and I was throwing him a surprise party. There was every chance he hated both surprises and parties, but I felt compelled to do something for him. Besides, no one should be alone on their birthday. I’d asked Alex what his plans for tonight were—not letting on that I remembered it was his birthday—and he said he had business documents to look over.
Business documents. On his birthday.
I don’t think so.
Since I didn’t know any of his friends except Ralph, our Krav Maga instructor, I’d kept the guest list small. Jules, Stella, Bridget, Booth, and a few other students from the KM Academy hid in Ralph’s living room. Ralph had agreed to host the shindig and trick Alex into thinking it was a casual Halloween get-together for academy regulars; he and Alex should arrive any minute now.
I’d nixed the costume party idea—Alex didn’t strike me as a costume sort of guy—but I hoped the party itself was a good idea. Most people liked parties, but he wasn’t most people.
A car door slammed, and my stomach tightened with anticipation. “Shh! They’re here,” I said in a loud whisper.
The lingering murmurs in the dark room quieted.
“…help me set up,” Ralph said, opening the door and flipping on the light.
We all jumped out. “Surprise!”
I wish I’d had my camera ready, because the expression on Alex’s face? Priceless. He looked like a frozen mannequin except for his eyes, which moved from the balloons I’d tied to various pieces of furniture to the handmade poster spelling out Happy birthday, Alex! in glittery blue cursive before resting on my face.
“Happy birthday!” I chirped, trying to tamp down my nerves. I couldn’t tell if he liked or hated the surprise, or if he was indifferent. The man was harder to read than a Latin textbook in the dark.
No response. Alex remained frozen.
Jules came to the rescue, turning on the music and encouraging people to eat and mingle. While the rest of the party scattered, I edged my way toward him and pasted on a bright smile.
“Fooled you, huh?”
“How did you know it’s my birthday?” Alex peeled off his jacket and tossed it over the back of the couch. At least that meant he was staying.
I shrugged, feeling self-conscious. “You’re Josh’s best friend. Of course I know.”
He frowned. “You’ve never celebrated my birthday before.”
“There’s a first time for everything. C’mon.” I pulled at his wrist. “You’re twenty-seven! That means you have to take twenty-seven shots.”
His frown deepened. “Absolutely not.”
“It was worth a try.” I grinned. “Just wanted to see if you were dumb enough to do it.”
“Ava, I’m a genius.”