I turned and ran. I had to find him. Now. Immediately.
I threw open the door to our supply closet as I darted past. He wasn’t there, so I bolted to the ER floor dialing his number.
My heartbeat was thudding in my ears, my mind careening forward faster than I could keep up, the details shifting and reconfiguring.
Jacob was Benny’s kidney donor.
Jacob. Was Benny’s. Kidney. Donor.
How???
I’d been so mean to him.
I wasn’t even nice to him in the beginning. I was a total nightmare. And he’d have to have been working on this even back then because it takes weeks for the labs and the tissue samples and the medical and mental health evaluations, and I knew they took that long because I’d done them myself once when I was trying to see if I was a match.
I pulled back sliding glass doors to patient rooms and yanked away curtains with my phone to my ear, his number ringing. He didn’t answer, so I ran through the doctors’ lounge and checked the stairwell and the cafeteria.
Then I started to cry.
He didn’t want me to know.
He didn’t want any of us to know. He just wanted to do this in secret when he could have done this in the open and let everyone love him for it—and they would have. Every single person who worked in this department would have instantly adored him for his selfless act, worshipped the ground he walked on. He would have been beloved, forgiven for anything, a hero.
But Jacob wasn’t like that. He was a hero, but he was the kind that never let anyone know.
A sob burst from my mouth, and I had to cover it with a hand.
Jessica was right. He was an excellent human being.
I felt my chest filling up, like love and gratitude and appreciation were solids that took up space inside me. I could feel the emotions pouring from my heart, streaming from the tips of my fingers, bursting from my mouth like a shout.
I would jump in front of a bus for this man. Take a bullet. Fight a mob. I would defend him to the death, kill someone for so much as looking at him wrong.
I wanted to go back in time and punch myself in the face for causing him even a moment of unhappiness. My devotion to him shot adrenaline into my system, made me feel frantic to find him so I could thank him, even though thanking him wasn’t and never would be enough.
I must have looked hysterical, tearing through the hallways sobbing, throwing open doors, mascara running down my face. It felt like a dream. One of the ones where your legs won’t move fast enough and you can’t find what you’re looking for.
And then there he was.
He was coming down the hallway from the direction of the locker rooms. This beautiful, benevolent angel of a man.
I ran at him, grabbed him by the hand, and yanked him toward a supply closet.
“Uh…” he said, letting himself be dragged. “What are we—”
I pulled him into the small room and shut the door behind me, panting.
He stared at me. “Are you okay?”
I gasped for a moment before blurting it out. “Are you Benny’s kidney donor?”
I watched the question move across his face.
I shook my head. “I know you don’t want anyone to know. And I won’t tell anyone. Not even Benny. But I have to know, for myself, if it’s you. Please. Is it you?” My voice cracked on the last word.
He peered at me quietly. The moment stretched a thousand years.
I tried to read his expression, tried to glean the answer from the tic in his jaw or the resigned set of his eyebrows, the searching in his kind brown eyes. I had to know, I had to know.
I watched his lips part and then he said it: “Yes.”
I threw myself at him.
Chapter 17
Jacob
She dove at me.
I caught her and staggered back a few feet before I regained my balance.
She hugged me like I’ve never been hugged in my life. It was like she was collapsing at the end of a finish line.
“Thank you,” she sobbed. “Thank you thank you thank you.”
“I…it’s okay,” I said. “I wanted to.”
She wept into my neck, and my instinct was to wrap her in my arms and comfort her, even though I knew these weren’t sad tears. And when I folded them around her, she clutched me tighter and everything I was going to do, the organ donation, the surgery, the recovery, was worth it for this one moment alone.
I’d thought that any show of gratitude would make me uncomfortable. But for some reason I didn’t mind it now that it was happening, and I think it was because it was happening with her.
I liked her.
And I liked making her happy and I liked seeing her this way and I liked this hug.
It occurred to me that I hadn’t been hugged—really, really hugged—since Amy. And even then, I couldn’t remember the last time we’d held each other in any way that felt like this. She’d been so frustrated with me and I’d felt so distant from her, the intimacy had ended long before the relationship did.
I’d been deprived of this basic human contact and now that I had it again, I realized how much I needed it. As I breathed out, Briana filled in the space and I just felt…still. Calm. Grounded.
“I wasn’t even nice to you,” she whispered into my neck.
“You’re nice to me,” I said quietly.
She pulled away and peered up at me with wet eyes, her chin quivering. “Jacob, how can I ever thank you for this? There are no words.”
I dug in my pocket and handed her a tissue from the pack I always carried.
She took it and dabbed under her lashes. “Thank you.”
She was calming down a little. Catching her breath.
I studied her while she regained her composure. So beautiful. Even crying, she was beautiful. I felt like I should look away from her, but I didn’t even know how. I still felt the hug, even though it was over, and it disabled something inside of me again, just the way she did that first day in Benny’s hospital room. I was rendered frozen and speechless and completely at her mercy, and I had to wonder with a touch of awe and amusement if she had bewitched me. If I was under some spell. Because I’d never felt like this before, this compelled to do something for someone I just met, this drawn to anyone.
Maybe she’d started that coven after all.
She sniffled and looked up at me. “Jacob, you have changed his whole life. Like, I know you know, but you don’t know. My brother is alive again. He’s him again.”
I gave her a soft smile. “Good.” Then I tilted my head. “How did you find out?” I asked.
She wiped under her eyes. “Gibson. I think he slipped.”
I nodded. “Ah.”
I guess that was a fair mistake. He didn’t know I was donating anonymously. I hadn’t even seen him yet today.
We’d managed to keep this under wraps for an entire twelve hours.
“I would really appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone else,” I said.
She shook her head. “I won’t. I promise you I won’t. Are you mad at him for telling me?”
I slipped my hands into my pockets. “No. It was an honest mistake.”
“You should text him and tell him. He’s probably freaking out.” She sniffed.
I nodded. “Okay.”
She gazed into my eyes. “Do you know what today is, Jacob?” she asked, peering up at me. “It’s the day my divorce is final. I don’t know if you knew that, that I was married?”