“No, it isn’t. It’s just poor taste on his part and poor character on hers.”
She nodded, but she didn’t look at me.
“Anyway. Then he proceeded to fuck me over in every way possible. The house was his from before we got married, and my name wasn’t on it. It was his grandmother’s and he had me sign a prenup for it, so I got nothing there. Half the stuff inside of it was mine. I got awarded that. But they were living there, so it was all tainted and gross and I didn’t want it anymore, so I had to fight him for over a year in court to get a payout for it.”
Her face had gone flat.
“It’s hard to find out that someone you love is fine with just setting your life on fire and walking away.”
I studied her face. “I know what you mean. Amy never even tried. We went to one therapy session. She walked out and that was it. Broke up with me.”
She blinked at me. “The same day?”
I nodded. “Same day. Never looked back.”
“What the hell happened in that therapy session?”
“I was honest about how unhappy I was.”
“And her response to that was to just give up?” She shook her head.
I looked away from her. “I felt betrayed for a really long time,” I said. “And then she started dating Jeremiah and I felt betrayed again. And then they got engaged—and I realized that I had surpassed my ability to be hurt more than I already had been.”
She went quiet for a moment. Then she looked over at me. “You know what I think about? I think about perfect matches. You know how with an organ donation a perfect match isn’t really perfect? There’s still a chance of rejection, even if all the stars align like they did for you and Benny. Nothing is ever perfect. There’s just matches that have a higher chance of working than others. Maybe you guys were like that. It could have worked, but you’d spend your whole life forcing it.”
“Maybe. You’re probably right.” I glanced at her. “What if your perfect match is out there? You’re not going to look?”
She scoffed. “It’s too late. I’m done. I’ve had enough heartache for a lifetime.” I held her gaze, but she turned away from me.
“Anyway. Is it sad that I want Amy to be jealous?” she asked. “Maybe I’m just projecting my own bitterness onto this, but I kind of want her to rue the day she let you go. We need to put out some serious Morticia and Gomez Addams vibes when I meet her. Like we can’t get enough of each other, like we stopped on the way over for a quickie.”
“I think she’s a little beyond caring what I’m doing at this point. But I appreciate your commitment.”
A door closed somewhere in the house. Stairs creaked and Benny came down the hall.
Briana lit up. “Hey, where you going?”
He stopped on the other side of the coffee table. “Justin’s. He got a PlayStation. Hi, I’m Benny,” he said to me with a small wave. “Nice to meet you.”
“Jacob. Nice to meet you.”
He looked better than he did the last time I saw him. He was still frail, but Briana was right, he seemed brighter, more put together.
It was a little strange looking at this person, knowing that in a few months he’d have one of my kidneys in his body. But I didn’t have too much time to ponder this because Briana scooted over and snuggled up next to me.
I couldn’t even breathe.
“We’re just gonna watch a movie or something,” she said, putting a hand on my chest. “Set the alarm if you come home after I’m in bed, okay?”
“’K. Later.” He nodded at us and left.
When he shut the door behind him, Briana tipped her head up to smile at me. “How was that? Was it good?” Her lips were very close to mine.
I cleared my throat. “It was good.”
“Yay!” she said brightly.
Then she moved away from me. “We need to practice touching before the Amy thing. That way we’re not all stiff and weird.”
“Right. Good idea.”
My heart was still pounding. The whole thing flung me into silence. Briana had rendered me mute, yet again.
I pretended I needed to eat my fries all of a sudden and leaned forward to grab them from the coffee table. We ate without talking while we watched TV and my heart rate finally stabilized.
After a few minutes, she finished her burger and put down her to-go container and wiped her hands with a napkin. Then she pulled her legs up to her chin and put her cheek on her knees and peered at me. “You know what these silences make me think of?” she said.
I looked over at her. “What?”
“I always think that when we’re quiet, we’re agreeing to be harmless to each other. That we’re just sharing the same space and letting each other exist exactly as we are, and neither of us would hurt or upset the other one.”
“Harmless to each other?” I looked at her earnestly. “I do agree to that.”
She smiled a little.
“Good. I agree to that too.”
Chapter 22
Briana
Three weeks. Jacob and I had been in our fake relationship for three weeks. And I loved it.
God, I liked him. Like, I really really liked him.
We spent pretty much every day off together—mostly with his family or places where we could take good selfies for Instagram. We’d met Jill and Walter for dinner at Outback. Stopped by Jane’s work, where she managed a small cat café, to get lattes and say hi. Last week, we’d taken the twins to the park so Jewel and Gwen could have a few hours alone—Carter rolled down a hill and got dizzy, then barfed alllll over Jacob. It was hilarious. Jacob was such a good sport. I loved watching him with the kids. He was so patient and sweet with them.
We went for walks and to coffee shops, took Grandpa to lunch. He harassed me for cigarettes the whole time, but it was still fun.
Every time Jacob’s truck pulled into my driveway, I got excited. I had someone to do things with again. To share my day. To eat out and see a movie and hang out with on my days off.
I hadn’t had that kind of companionship in so long. Even before we separated, Nick had been so checked out.
Jacob and I texted when we weren’t together, or we talked on the phone or wrote letters. We were so ready for the engagement party tonight it wasn’t even funny. We had the PDA thing down pat. He was pretty affectionate once he was comfortable. Whenever anyone was around, we just held hands or stood extra close. It was super easy. Especially because I adored him. I literally adored him.
He was so sweet, and kind, and funny, and self-deprecating, and awkwardly lovable. I had this deep urge to take care of him and baby him and just love all over him.
Tonight I was going to his house for the first time. He was picking me up and we were stopping there first, then going to his parents’ house for the engagement party. I hadn’t been over to his place yet. I had to see it before I met Amy just in case it came up. I was super excited.
He picked me up at four, and I jogged out to the truck to meet him.
“Hey.” He smiled as I tossed my purse onto the seat and got in. He held up a bag. “I got you a red velvet donut.”
I grinned. “You did?”
“I have to feed you or you get crabby and nonproductive.”