We feel completely alone in an experience that’s shared by so many.
When I came to that realization, I just wanted to stuff this book full of different types of women: flawed, complicated, messy women who will surely draw scorn for their various decisions—but really, that’s the point. Isabelle is, in many ways, my attempt at showcasing the damage societal pressures and expectations can have on a single person. Is she the perfect mother? No. And does she make mistakes? Yes. She struggles, as do all mothers, and feels extreme guilt over thoughts and emotions that she doesn’t even know are normal—but how could she know if nobody ever talks about it? Despite it all, though, she loves her son fiercely—however, that love will never be enough to save her in the court of public opinion… or even in her own mind, for that matter, so accustomed is she to absorbing everyone else’s blame.
When it comes to Isabelle’s mother, I tried to tread lightly and respectfully on a topic so fragile. I did a lot of research on postpartum psychosis, and the character of Elizabeth was informed, in large part, by Andrea Yates. The more I read about her, the more her actions shifted in my mind from horrifying to heartbreaking: She was a mother at the end of her mental rope. She asked for help, never received it, and was villainized for what happened as a result. Of course, what she did was both tragic and terrifying—but at the same time, it could have been avoided, too, if only the mental health of mothers wasn’t something we so easily shrugged off or pretended not to notice. The same can be said for Elizabeth.
Allison, Valerie, Kasey, and Abigail are also women in this story with complicated emotions that lead to their own varying decisions: good and bad, right and wrong—but mostly, I think, somewhere in the murky middle. In real life, we are so rarely afforded the luxury of things being in simple black and white, so I try to stay true to that in my stories, too, by making each character as multifaceted as possible. For that reason, I hope they inspire some enlightening conversation—or, at the very least, gave you an entertaining read.
Finally, if you are concerned about your own mental health or the mental health of a loved one, please know that there are resources available to help. A good place to start would be the National Institute of Mental Health website: www.nimh.nih.gov/health/find-help.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I have a complicated relationship with the Acknowledgments page.
On the one hand, I love nothing more than calling attention to the many, many people who play a role in bringing a book to life. I never knew how much of a team effort publishing a book truly was before I entered this industry, and let me tell you: it feels downright dishonest to only list one name on the cover. But on the other hand, it is impossible to list every single name, and it pains me to think that I’m leaving someone out—so, with that said: Please know, whoever you are, that if you touched this story in any way, I am incredibly grateful.
To my agent, Dan Conaway: This story wouldn’t exist without you. You changed my life and gave me the freedom to keep writing. Thank you so much for that.
To Chaim Lipskar, Peggy Boulos-Smith, Maja Nikolic, Jessica Berger, Kate Boggs, and everyone else at Writers House: You continue to be amazing and I consider myself so lucky to be in your company. Thank you for all your hard work.
To my editor, Kelley Ragland: Thank you so much for every conversation that helped to steer this story on the right track. To Allison Ziegler, Sarah MeInyk, Hector DeJean, Madeline Houpt, Paul Hochman, David Rotstein, and everyone else at Minotaur, St. Martin’s Publishing Group, and Macmillan: Thank you for your tireless efforts. A massive thanks also goes out to Andy Martin and Jen Enderlin for giving me the chance.
To my UK editor, Julia Wisdom, and all of the folks over at HarperCollins UK, including but not limited to Lizz Burrell, Susanna Peden, and Maddy Marshall: Thank you so much for bringing another one of my books—and me!—overseas. It’s a dream come true.
To my film agent, Sylvie Rabineau, at WME: Thank you for everything you do to bring my stories to the screen. I am so thrilled to be working together again.
To the librarians, booksellers, bloggers, reviewers, bookstagrammers, book clubs, and the online reading community: I don’t even know what to say. When I was writing the acknowledgments for A Flicker in the Dark, I didn’t yet understand the massive influence you all would have on my work and my life. This time around, I understand—and I am so grateful. Thank you for embracing my writing, stories, and characters; thank you for sharing the books you love with others and for allowing me to connect with so many wonderful readers all over the world. I owe so much to all of you, so thank you.